Phormio; or, The Scheming Parasite (125-161)

There is a law, that orphan girls are to marry those who are their next-of-kin; and the same law commands such persons to marry them. I’ll say you are the next-of-kin, and take out a summons[*] against you; I’ll pretend that I am a friend of the girl’s father; we will come before the judges: who her father was,

who her mother, how she is related to you—all this I’ll trump up, just as will be advantageous and suited to my purpose; on your disproving none of these things, I shall prevail, of course. Your father will return; a quarrel will be the consequence; what care I? She will still be ours.

An amusing piece of assurance!

He was, persuaded to this. It was carried out; they came into court: we were beaten. He has married her.

What is it you tell me?

Just what you have heard.

O Geta, what will become of you?

Upon my faith, I don’t know; this one thing I do know, whatever fortune may bring, I’ll bear it with firmness.

You please me; well, that is the duty of a man.

All my hope is in myself.

I commend you.

Suppose I have recourse to some one to intercede for me, who will plead for me in these terms: Pray, do forgive him this time; but if after this he does any thing, I make no entreaty: if only he doesn’t add, When I’ve gone, e’en kill him for my part.

What of the one who was usher to the Music-girl?[*]

So so, but poorly.

Perhaps he hasn’t much to give.

Why, really, nothing at all, except mere hopes.

Is his father come back or not?

Not yet.

Well, when do you expect your old man?

I don’t know for certain; but I just now heard that a letter has been brought from him,

and has been left with the officers of the customs: I’m going to fetch it.

Is there any thing else that you want with me, Geta?

Nothing, but that I wish you well. (Exit DAVUS.) Hark you, boy (calling at the door). Is nobody coming out here? (A LAD comes out.) Take this, and give it to Dorcium.

That things should have come to such a pass, Phaedria, that I should be in utter dread ,of my father, who wishes me so well, whenever his return comes into my thoughts!

Had I not been inconsiderate, I might have waited for him, as I ought to have done.

What’s the matter?

Do you ask the question? You, who have been my confederate in so bold an adventure? How I do wish it had never entered the mind of Phormio to persuade me to this, or to urge me in the heat of my passion to this step, which is the source of my misfortunes. Then I should not have obtained her; in that case I might have been uneasy for some few days;

but still, this perpetual anxiety would not have been tormenting my mind (touching PHAEDRIA).

I hear you.

While I am every moment expecting his return, who is to sever from me this connection.[*]