Eunuchus; or, The Eunuch (454b-490)

O my Thais,

my sweet one, how are you? How much do you love me in return for that music girl?

How polite! What a beginning he has made on meeting her!

Very much, as you deserve.

Let’s go to dinner then. (To THRASO.) What do you stand here for?

Then there’s the other one: you would declare that he was born for his belly’s sake.

When you please; I sha’n’t delay.

I’ll accost them, and pretend as though I had just come out. (He comes forward.) Are you going any where, Thais?

Ha! Parmeno; well done; just going out for the day.

Where?

Why! don’t you see him?

I see him, and I’m sorry for it. (Aloud.) Phaedria’s presents are ready for you when you please.

Why are we to stand here? Why don’t we be off?

Troth now, pray, do let us, with your leave, present to her the things we intend, and accost and speak to her.

Very fine presents, I suppose, or at least equal to mine.

The fact will prove itself. (Goes to the door of LACHES’ house and calls.) Ho there! bid those people come out of doors at once, as I ordered.

Do you step forward this way.[*] (To THAIS.) She comes all the way from Aethiopia.

Here are some three minae in value.

Hardly so much.

Where are you, Dorus? Step this way. (Enter CHAEREA from the house, dressed like the EUNUCH.) There’s a Eunuch for you—of what a genteel appearance! of what a prime age!

God bless me, he’s handsome.

What say you, Gnatho? Do you see any thing to find fault with? And what say you, Thraso?

(Aside.) They hold their tongues; they praise him sufficiently thereby. (To THAIS.) Make trial of him in literature, try him in exercises,[*] and in music; I’ll warrant him well skilled in what it becomes a gentleman to know.

That Eunuch, if occasion served,[*] even in my sober senses, I—

And he who has sent these things makes no request that

you will live for him alone, and that for his own sake others may be excluded; he neither tells of battles nor shows his scars, nor does he restrict you as (looking at THRASO) a certain person does; but when it is not inconvenient, whenever you think fit, whenever you have the time, he is satisfied to be admitted.

It appears that this is the servant of some beggarly, wretched master.

Why, faith, no person, I’m quite sure of that, could possibly put up with him, who had the means to get another.

You hold your tongue—a fellow whom I consider beneath all men of the very lowest grade: for when you can bring yourself to flatter that fellow (pointing at THRASO),

I do believe you could pick your victuals out of the very flames.[*]