Eunuchus; or, The Eunuch (362c-388c)

Home; to take those slaves to Thais, as your brother ordered me.

Oh, lucky Eunuch that! really, to be sent as a present to that house!

Why so?

Do you ask? He will always see at home a fellow-servant of consummate beauty, and be conversing with her; he will be in the same house with her; sometimes he will take his meals with her; sometimes sleep near her.

What now, if you yourself were to be this fortunate person?

By what means, Parmeno? Tell me.

Do you assume his dress.

His dress! Well, what then?

I’ll take you there instead of him.

I hear you.

I’ll say that you are he.

I understand you.

You may enjoy those advantages which you just now said lie would enjoy; you may take your meals together with her, be in company with her, touch her, dally with her, and sleep by her side; as not one of these women is acquainted with you, nor yet knows who you are. Besides, you are of an age and figure that you may easily pass for a eunuch.

You speak to the purpose; I never knew better counsel given. Well, let’s go in at once; dress me up, take me away, lead me to her, as fast as you can.

What do you mean? Really, I was only joking.

You talk nonsense.

I’m undone! Wretch that I am! what have I done? (CHAEREA pushes him along.) Whither are you pushing me? You’ll throw me down presently. I entreat you, be quiet.

Let’s be off.

Do you still persist?

I am resolved upon it.

Only take care that this isn’t too rash a project.

Certainly it isn’t; let me alone for that.

Aye, but I shall have to pay the penalty[*] for this?

Pshaw!

We shall be guilty of a disgraceful action.

What, is it disgraceful[*] to be taken to the house of a Courtesan, and to return the compliment upon those tormentors who treat us and our youthful age so scornfully, and who are always tormenting us in every way;—to dupe them just as we are duped by them?

Or is it right and proper that in preference my father should be wheedled out of his money by deceitful pretexts? Those who knew of this would blame me; while all would think the other a meritorious act.

What’s to be done in such case? If you are determined to do it, you must do it: but don’t you by-and-by be throwing the blame upon me.

I shall not do so.

Do you order me, then?