Truculentus, or The Churl (75-114)

the state being tranquil and in quiet, the enemy vanquished, it befits all to be in love who have anything to give. Now, this Courtesan (pointing to the house) Phronesium, who dwells here, has totally expelled from my breast her own name. Phronesium, for Phronesis is wisdom [*]. For I confess that I was with her first and foremost;

a thing that’s very disastrous to a lover’s cash. The same woman, after she had found another out, a greater spendthrift, who would give more, a Babylonian Captain [*], whom the hussy said was troublesome and odious to her, forthwith banished me from the spot. He now is said

to be about to arrive from abroad. For that reason has she now cooked up this device; she pretends that she has been brought to bed. That she may push me out of doors, and with the Captain alone live the life of a jovial Greek, she pretends that this Captain is the father of the child; for that reason does this most vile hussy need a palmed-off child. She fancies that she’s deceiving me! Does she suppose that

she could have concealed it from me, if she had been pregnant? Now I arrived at Athens the day before yesterday from Lemnos, whither I have been on an embassy from this place on the public service. But who’s this woman? It’s her servant-maid Astaphium. With her too as well I’ve had some acquaintanceship.

Listen at the door and guard the house, that no one who comes may go away more loaded than he came, or who has brought empty hands into our house may take them full out of it. (To herself.) I know the ways of people; of such habits are the young men now-a-days.

For as soon as ever the jolly companions have arrived at the courtesans’ houses, their plans are formed. When they’ve arrived in-doors, some one of them is incessantly bestowing kisses on his mistress. While they are engaged, the others are pilfering[*]. But if they see that any one is observing them, they play some trick, by which to amuse the observer with pleasantry and sport. Full oft do they devour that belonging to us just as the sausage-makers[*] do.

Upon my faith, this is the case, and some of the Spectators (to the AUDIENCE), i’ faith, you know full well that I tell no lie in this. There with them is the struggle and the valour, to carry oft a booty from the plunderers.

But we again nicely give a like return to these robbers of us; for they themselves look on, while we are heaping up their property; indeed, of their own accord even do they themselves bring it to us.

In those words she’s surely lashing myself; for I’ve been heaping up presents there.

I well recollect it. I’ troth, his own self, if he’s at home, I’ll at once bring here with me.