Truculentus, or The Churl (502b-537b)

Would you like me to accost the gentleman?

I wish you.

O delightful! Why, see, here’s Astaphium coming to meet me.

By all the powers! welcome to you, Stratophanes, that you’re safe arrived—

I know it all. But, prithee, has Phronesium been brought to bed?

She has been delivered of a very fine boy.

Is it like me at all?

Do you ask the question? Why, the moment it was born, it asked for a sabre and shield for itself.

It’s my own; I know it at once from the proofs.

Indeed it is extremely like you.

Ye Gods above! Is it of full growth already? Has it already chosen some army which it intends to plunder?

Why really, it was only born five days ago.

What then, after it was born? After so many days, i’ faith, something really ought by this time to have been done. What business had it to leave the womb before it could go forth to battle?

Follow me, and wish her joy, and congratulate her.

I follow.

Prithee, where is she who has left me here and forsaken me?

I’m here; I’m bringing you Stratophanes, so much longed for by you.

Prithee, where is he?

Mars, on his arrival from abroad, salutes Neriene his spouse[*]. Since you’ve well got over it, and since you’ve been blest with offspring, I congratulate you in that you have given birth to a great glory to me and to yourself.

Welcome to you, you who have almost deprived me of life and light;

and who have, for your own gratification, centred in my body the cause of great anguish, with the pangs of which I’m even now dreadfully afflicted.

Well, well; not to your misfortune, my love, do these pains befall you. You’ve brought forth a son who’ll be filling your house with plunder.

By the powers, there’s very much greater need to have our granaries well filled with wheat; lest, before he takes the plunder, hunger should be putting an end to us here.

Be of good heart.

Do, please, take a kiss from me here. I cannot lift up my head; such pain I’ve felt, and in such pain I now am; and I cannot as yet, of my own strength, walk upon my feet.

If, right from the middle of the sea, you were to order me to take a kiss from you, I would not hesitate to fetch it, my sweet. You’ve experienced it already so to be; and now shall you experience it, my Phronesium,

that I do dote upon you. (Pointing to a distance behind him.) See there, I’ve brought you two female slaves from Syria; I present you with them. (To a SERVANT behind him.) Do you bring those women this way. Now, these were both of them queens at their own homes; but with my own hand I laid waste their country, I present you with them.

Are you dissatisfied with the number of female slaves I have already, that you must be still making additions to the number, to be devouring food for me?

I’ troth, if this indeed isn’t acceptable to you, you boy (beckoning to the SERVANT), do you give me that bag. See here, my love, I’ve brought this mantle from Panchaea[*] for you. Take it for yourself. (He presents it to her.)

What, is so little as this to be given me in return for pain so great?