Truculentus, or The Churl (205b-230)

Why not? As boldly as at home, into your own house; for even still are you now one of us, Dinarchus.

How soon are you on your return?

I’ll be there this instant; it’s close at hand where I was going.

But do return directly; meanwhile I’ll wait for you at your house. (He goes into the house of PHRONESIUM.)

Ha, ha, ha! I’m at rest,

since my plague has gone in-doors; now, indeed, I shall speak according to my own inclination, freely, as I please. My mistress has sung a funeral dirge[*] at our house for this fellow, her lover, over his estate; for his lands and tenements are mortgaged for his treats in his amour.

But with him does my mistress speak freely upon the objects of her plans, and so he is rather a friend by way of counsel to her than by way of maintenance. While he had it, he gave; now he has got nothing; what he did have, we have got; what we had, he has now got the same. The common course of things has happened. Fortunes are wont to change upon the instant. Life is checquered.

We remember him as rich, and he us as poor; our reminiscences have shifted places. He must be a fool to wonder at it. If he is in want, it’s necessary that he should allow us to make a living; that’s proper to be done. ’Twere a disgrace for us to have compassion on men that squander away their fortunes. A clever Procuress ought to have good teeth;

to smile upon whoever comes, to address him in flattering terms; to design mischief in her heart, but to speak fairly with her tongue. A Courtesan it befits to be like a briar; whatever man she touches, for either mischief or loss certainly to be the result. A Courtesan ought never to listen to the plea of a lover,

but, when he has nothing to give, do you pack him off home from service as a deserter[*]; and never is any gallant good for anything unless he’s one who is the enemy of his own fortune. It’s trifling, if, when he has just given, he doesn’t take a pleasure in giving afresh. That person’s esteemed with us who forgets that that has been given which he has given. As long as he has anything, so long let him go on loving; when he has got nothing, then let him look out another employment;