Stichus, or The Parasite Rebuffed (1-742)

PHILUMENA

Sister, I think that Penelope was wretched from her very soul, who was so long deprived of her husband; for from our own fortunes, whose husbands are absent from us, we judge of her feelings; for whose affairs, still, in their absence, both night and day, sister, as is becoming, we are ever anxious.

PAMPHILA

'Tis right that we should do our duty; and we do not that any further than affection bids us.

PHILUMENA

But, sister, step this way a moment; I want to speak about the affairs of my husband.

PAMPHILA

Ain't they prospering, pray?

PHILUMENA

I hope and wish so, indeed. But, sister, at this am I vexed, that your and my father, one who is esteemed as especially honorable among all his fellow-citizens, should be now acting the part of a dishonorable man; who is undeservedly doing so great an injustice to our absent husbands, and is wishing to separate us from them. These things, sister, render me tired of existence; these things are a care and a vexation to me. She sheds tears.

PAMPHILA

Weep not, sister, nor do that to your feelings which your father is threatening to do. 'Tis to be hoped

[*] that he will act more righteously. I know him well; he says these things in jest; and he would not earn for himself the mountains of the Persians, which are said to be of gold [*], to do that of which you are in dread. Still, if he does do it, it befits you by no means to be angry; nor will it happen without some reason. For this is the third year since our husbands have been away from home.

PHILUMENA

'Tis as you say; while, in the meantime, they may be living, and may be well

[*], they do not make us acquainted where they are, what they are doing, whether they are doing well, neither do they return.

PAMPHILA

And do you, sister, regret this, that they do not observe their duty, whereas you do yours?

PHILUMENA

Troth, I do.

PAMPHILA

Hold your peace, if you please; take care, please, that I hear not that same thing from you in future.

PHILUMENA

And why, pray?

PAMPHILA

Because, i' faith, in my opinion, 'tis proper for all prudent people to observe and to do their duty. For that reason, sister, although you are the older, I advise you to remember your duty; and if they are unjust and act otherwise to us than is right, then, i' faith, in exactly the same degree, that there may be no further mischief, it befits us studiously to remember our duty by all means in our power.

PHILUMENA

'Tis good; I'm silenced.

PAMPHILA

But do take care and remember it.

PHILUMENA

I do not wish, sister, to be thought to be unmindful of my husband; nor has he thrown away the distinction that he conferred upon me. For, by my troth, his kindness is pleasing and delightful to me; and, really, this choice of mine is not now irksome to me, nor is there any reason why I should wish to abandon this match. But, in fine, 'tis placed in our father's power

[*]; that must be done by us which our relatives enjoin.

PAMPHILA

I know it, and in thinking of it I am overwhelmed with grief; for already has he almost disclosed his sentiments.

PHILUMENA

Let us consider, then, what is necessary for us to do.

ANTIPHO

The man in condition of a servant who always waits to be told his duty, and doesn't remember to do it of his own accord, that servant, I say, is not of a deserving character. You remember well on each returning Calends to ask for your allotment of provisions

[*]; why, then, do you less remember to do what is necessary to do about the house? Now, therefore, if, when I return, the furniture shall not be set for me, each piece in its proper place, I'll be putting you in mind with a bull's hide remembrancer [*]. Not human beings seem to be living with me, but pigs. Take care, if you please, that my house is clean, when I return home. I shall soon be back home; I'm going to her house, to see my eldest daughter. If any one should enquire for me, call me thence, some of you; or—I shall be here soon myself.

PHILUMENA

aside. What are we to do, sister, if our father shall resolve against us?

PAMPHILA

It befits us to submit to what he does whose power is the stronger. By entreating, not by opposing, I think we must use our endeavours. If with mildness we ask for favour, I trust to obtain it of him. Oppose him we cannot, without disgrace and extreme criminality; I will neither do that myself, nor will I give you the advice to do it, but rather that we should entreat him. I know our family

[*]; he will yield to entreaty.

ANTIPHO

speaking to himself. In the first place, in what manner I should make a beginning with them, about that I am in doubt; whether I should accost them in language couched in ambiguous terms, after this fashion, as though I had never pretended

[*] anything at all against them, or whether as though I had heard that they were deserving of some censure against them; whether I should rather try them gently or with threats. I know that there will be opposition; I know my daughters right well. If they should prefer to remain here rather than to marry afresh, why, let them do so. What need is there for me, the term of my life run out, to be waging war with my children, when I think that they don't at all deserve that I should do so? By no means; I'll have no disturbances. But I think that this is the best thing to be done by me; I'll do thus; I'll pretend as though they had themselves been guilty of some fault; I'll terribly terrify their minds this day by some ambiguous expressions; ana then, after that, as I shall feel disposed, I'll disclose myself. I know that many words will be spoken; I'll go in. Goes to the door of PHILUMENA'S house. But the door's open.

PHILUMENA

Why, surely the sound of my father's voice reached my ears.

PAMPHILA

I' troth, 'tis he; let's hasten to meet him with a kiss. They both run to kiss him.

PHILUMENA

My father, my respects.

ANTIPHO

And to you the same. Away this instant, and be off from me, Removes her.

PHILUMENA

One kiss.

ANTIPHO

I've had enough of your kissing.

PHILUMENA

Prithee, father, why so?

ANTIPHO

Because, as it is, the seasoning of your affection has reached my soul

[*].

PAMPHILA

Sit down here, father. Points to a chair.

ANTIPHO

I'll not sit there; do you sit down; I'll sit on the bench

[*]. Sits on a bench.

PAMPHILA

Wait till I fetch a cushion.

ANTIPHO

You take kind care of me; I'm nicely seated now as I am

[*].

PAMPHILA

Do let me, father. Goes into the house.

ANTIPHO

What need is there?

PAMPHILA

There is need. Coming out, and bringing a cushion.

ANTIPHO

I'll submit to you. Arranging the cushion. Yes, this does very well.

PAMPHILA

Why, daughters can never take too much care of their parent. Whom is it proper that we should esteem more dear than yourself? And then, in the next place, father, our husbands, for whom you have chosen that we should be the mothers of families.

ANTIPHO

You do as it is proper for good wives to do, in esteeming your husbands, though absent, just as though they were present.

PAMPHILA

'Tis propriety, father, for us to highly honor those who have chosen us as companions for themselves.

ANTIPHO

Is there any other person here to listen with his ears

[*] to our conversation?

PHILUMENA

There's no one except us and yourself.

ANTIPHO

I wish your attention to be given; for, unacquainted with female matters and ways, I come now as a pupil to you, my instructresses; in order that each of you may tell me what endowments matrons ought to have, who are the best esteemed.

PAMPHILA

What's the reason that you come hither to enquire about the ways of females?

ANTIPHO

Troth, I'm looking for a wife, as your mother's dead and gone.

PAMPHILA

You'll easily find, father, one both worse and of worse morals than she was; one better you'll neither find nor does the sun behold.

ANTIPHO

But I'm making the enquiry of you, and of this sister of yours.

PAMPHILA

I' faith, father, I know how they should be, if they are to be such as I think right.

ANTIPHO

I wish, then, to know what you do think right.

PAMPHILA

That when they walk through the city, they should shut the mouths of all, so that none can speak ill of them with good reason.

ANTIPHO

to PHILUMENA. And now speak you in your turn.

PHILUMENA

What do you wish that I should speak to you about, father?

ANTIPHO

How is the woman most easily distinguished, who is of a good disposition?

PHILUMENA

When she, who has the power of doing ill, refrains from doing so.

ANTIPHO

Not bad that. To PAMPHILA. Come, say you, which choice is the preferable, to marry a maiden or a widow?

PAMPHILA

So far as my skill extends, of many evils

[*], that which is the least evil, the same is the least an evil. He that can avoid the women, let him avoid them, so that each day he takes care, the day before, not to do that which, the day after, he may regret.

ANTIPHO

What sort of woman, pray, seems to you by far the wisest?

PHILUMENA

She who, when affairs are prosperous, shall still be able to know herself, and who with equanimity can endure it to be worse with her than it has been.

ANTIPHO

By my troth, in merry mood have I been trying the bent of your dispositions. But 'tis this for which I am come to you, and for which I wished to meet you both. My friends are advising me to the effect that I should remove you hence to my own house.

PAMPHILA

But still, we, whose interests are concerned, are advising you quite otherwise. For either, father, we ought not formerly to have been bestowed in marriage, unless our husbands pleased you, or, it is not right for us now to be taken away when they are absent.

ANTIPHO

And shall I suffer you while I am alive to remain married to men who are beggars?

PAMPHILA

This beggar of mine is agreable to me; her own king is agreable

[*] to the queen. In poverty have I the same feelings that once I had in riches.

ANTIPHO

And do you set such high value on thieves and beggars?

PHILUMENA

You did not, as I think, give me in marriage to the money, but to the man.

ANTIPHO

Why are you still in expectation of those who have been absent for now three years? Why don't you accept an eligible match

[*] in place of a very bad one?

PAMPHILA

'Tis folly, father, to lead unwilling dogs to hunt. That wife is an enemy, who is given to a man in marriage against her will.

ANTIPHO

Are you then determined that neither of you will obey the command of your father?

PHILUMENA

We do obey; for where you gave us in marriage, thence are we unwilling to depart.

ANTIPHO

Kindly good b'ye; I'll go and tell my friends your resolutions.

PAMPHILA

They will, I doubt not, think us the more honorable, if you tell them to honorable men.

ANTIPHO

Take you care, then, of their domestic concerns, the best way that you can. (Exit.)

PHILUMENA

Now you gratify us, when you direct us aright: now we will hearken to you. Now, sister, let's go indoors.

PAMPHILA

Well, first I'll take a look at home. If, perchance, any news should come to you from your husband, take you care that I know it.

PHILUMENA

Neither will I conceal it from you, nor do you conceal from me what you may know. Calls at the door of her house. Ho there, Crocotium

[*], go, fetch hither Gelasimus, the Parasite; bring him here with you. For, i' faith, I wish to send him to the harbour, to see if, perchance, any ship from Asia [*] has arrived there yesterday or to-day. But, one servant has been sitting at the harbour whole days in waiting; still, however, I wish it to be visited every now and then. Make haste, and return immediately. Each goes into her own house.

GELASIMUS

I do suspect that Famine was my mother; for since I was born I have never been filled with victuals. And no man could better return the favour to his mother, than do I right unwillingly return it to my mother, Famine. For in her womb, for ten months she bore me, whereas I have been carrying her for more than ten years in my stomach. She, too, carried me but a little child, wherefore I judge that she endured the less labour; in my stomach no little Famine do I bear, but of full growth, i' faith, and extremely heavy. The labour-pains arise with me each day, but I'm unable to bring forth my mother, nor know I what to do. I've often heard it so said that the elephant is wont

[*] to be pregnant ten whole years; for sure this hunger of mine is of its breed. For now for many a year has it been clinging to, my inside. Now, if any person wants a droll fellow, I am on sale, with all my equipage: of a filling-up for these chasms am I in search. When little, my father gave me the name of Gelasimus [*], because, even from a tiny child, I was a droll chap. By reason of poverty, in fact, did I acquire this name, because, it was poverty that made me to be a droll; for whenever she reaches a person, she instructs him thoroughly in every art. My father used to say that I was born when provisions were dear; for that reason, I do believe, I am now the more sharply set. But on our family such complacence has been bestowed—I am in the habit of refusing no person, if any one asks me out to eat. One form of expression has most unfortunately died away with people, and one, i' faith, most beseeming and most elegant to my thinking, which formerly they employed: "Come here to dinner—do so—really, do promise—don't make any difficulties—is it convenient?—I wish it to be so, I say; I'll not part with you unless you come." But now, in the present day, they have found a substitute for these expressions—a saying, by my faith, truly right worthless and most vile: "I'd invite you to dinner, were I not dining; out myself." I' faith, I wish the very loins of that phrase broken, that it mayn't repeat its perjury if he does dine at his own house. These phrases reduce me to learn foreign habits [*], and to spare the necessity for an auctioneer, and so proclaim the auction, and put myself up for sale. GELASIMUS.

CROCOTIUM

aside. This is the Parasite, whom I've been sent to fetch. I'll listen to what he's saying, before I accost him.

GELASIMUS

Now there are a good many curious mischief-makers here, who, with extreme zeal, busy themselves with the affairs of other people, and who have themselves no affairs of their own to busy themselves with. They, when they know that any one is about to have an auction, go forthwith and sift out what's the reason; whether a debt compels it, or whether he has purchased a farm; or whether, on a divorce, her marriage-portion is to be repaid to his wife

[*]. All these, although, i' faith, I don't judge them undeserving, in their most wretched state, to go toiling on, I don't care about. I'll proclaim the reason of my auction, that they may rejoice in my mishaps, for there's no person a busybody but what he's ill-natured too. Very great mishaps, alas! have befallen wretched me. So dreadfully afflicted has my property [*] rendered me: my many drinking-bouts are dead and gone; how many dinners, too, that I've bewailed, are dead! how many a draught of honeyed wine; how many breakfasts, too, that I have lost within these last three years! In my wretchedness, for very grief and vexation have I quite grown old. I'm almost dead with hunger.

CROCOTIUM

aside. There's no one such a droll, as he is when he is hungry.

GELASIMUS

Now am I resolved that I'll make a sale: out of doors

[*] am I obliged to sell whatever I possess. Attend, if you please; the bargains will be for those who are present. I've funny bon mots [*] to sell. Come, bid your price. Who bids a dinner? Does any one bid a breakfast? They'll cost vou an Herculean breakfast [*] or dinner. Ho, there! to one of the SPECTATORS did you nod to me? No one will offer you better—I won't allow that any Parasite has better quibbles, cajoleries, and parasitical white lies [*]. I'm selling a rusty flesh-scraper [*], too; a rusty-coloured brown bottle [*] for the Greek unguents [*] at the sweating-baths [*]; delicate after-dinner powders [*]; an empty Parasite as well pointing to himself, in whom to lay by your scraps. 'Tis needful that these should be sold at once for as much as they can; that, if I offer the tenth part. to Hercules [*], on that account it may be greater * * * * * *

CROCOTIUM

aside. An auction of no great value, by my troth. Hunger has taken hold of the very deepest recess of the fellow's stomach. I'll accost the man. Moves towards him.

GELASIMUS

Who's this that's coming towards me? Why, surely this is Crocotium, the maid-servant of Epignomus.

CROCOTIUM

My respects, Gelasimus.

GELASIMUS

That's not my name.

CROCOTIUM

I' faith, for sure that used to be your name.

GELASIMUS

Distinctly it was so, but I've lost it by use. Now I'm called Miccotrogus

[*] from what is fact.

CROCOTIUM

O dear! I've laughed a good deal at you to-day.

GELASIMUS

When? or in what place?

CROCOTIUM

Here, when you were carrying on a most worthless auction.

GELASIMUS

How now; did you really hear it?

CROCOTIUM

Aye, and one really right worthy of yourself.

GELASIMUS

Where are you bound for now?

CROCOTIUM

For yourself.

GELASIMUS

Why have you come?

CROCOTIUM

Philumena bade me ask you by all means to come to visit her at her house this instant, together with me.

GELASIMUS

I' faith, but I'll surely come there as fast as I can. Are the entrails cooked

[*] by this? With how many lambs has she been sacrificing?

CROCOTIUM

Indeed, she hasn't been sacrificing at all.

GELASIMUS

How? What does she want with me, then?

CROCOTIUM

I think that she's going to ask you for ten measures of wheat.

GELASIMUS

Or me rather ask it of her?

CROCOTIUM

No; that you yourself should lend them to us.

GELASIMUS

Tell her that I've nothing to give myself, or that she could wish to borrow, nor anything whatever, except this cloak that I have on. Even my very tongue that so freely used to offer itself

[*] I've sold as well."

CROCOTIUM

How? Have you got no tongue?

GELASIMUS

Why, the former one, that used to say "here, take me

[*]," I've lost: see, here's one now that says "give me." Puts out his tongue.

CROCOTIUM

A curse may the Gods give you * * * *

GELASIMUS

Aye, if a curse you want, this same tongue will give you that.

CROCOTIUM

Well now, are you coming or not?

GELASIMUS

Well, be off home; tell her I'll be there this moment; make haste and be off. CROCOTIUM goes into the house. I wonder why she has requested me to be fetched to her, who has never, before this day, requested that I should be fetched to her, ever since her husband left. I wonder what it can be; except it is for some experiment to be made upon me; I'll go see what she wants. But see, here's her boy, Pinacium. Look at that now; how very facetiously and just like a picture

[*] does he stand? Full many a time, for sure, in good troth, has he poured out for me the wine, almost unmixed, right cleverly into a very tiny cup [*] indeed. Stands aside.

PINACIUM

to himself. Mercury, who is said to be the messenger of Jove, never bore such pleasing tidings to his father, as I shall e'en now be telling to my mistress. So loaded do I bear my breast with joy and with delight; and really I don't care to speak a syllable but in a highflown style. The charms of all the loves and graces do I bring; my heart, too, is overleaping its banks, and overflowing with joyousness. Now have you the means of acquiring glory, fame, and honor; make haste, Pinacium, exhort your feet to swiftness, grace your message by your deeds, and come to the rescue of your mistress in her need * * * * * * who is so wretched in awaiting the arrival of her husband, Epignomus; just as becomes her does she dote upon her husband, and anxiously long for him. Now, Pinacium, do as pleases you, run on, just as you like; take care and regard no person at the value of a straw; thrust them from the path with your elbows; make right smooth your way. If a, king shall come in your way, upset the king himself forthwith.

GELASIMUS

apart. Why, I wonder

[*], is Pinacium running so overladen with baggage[*]? He's carrying a rod, and a basket, and a fish-hook.

PINACIUM

to himself. But yet, I think 'tis proper that my mistress should come with entreaty to me, and that she should send envoys to me, and gifts of gold, and chariots in which for me to be borne, for I can't go on foot. Therefore I shall now go back. Turns back. I think it is only proper that I should be approached and addressed with entreaties. And do you really think that it's mere nonsense or nothing at all that I am now acquainted with? Blessings so great am I carrying from the harbour, joys so extensive am I bringing, that hardly could my mistress herself presume to wish this of the Gods, if she were to know it. And am I to carry it, then, of my own accord? It pleases me not, nor do I think that the duty of a man. This way does it seem to be better suited to this news of mine; let her come to meet me, let her entreat me to communicate to her this news. Haughtiness and pride befit prosperous fortunes. But, at last, when I reconsider it, how could she know that I know this? Turning round. Well, I can't do otherwise than return, than speak, than relate it at length, and relieve my mistress of her grief, and both mightily increase the good deeds of my ancestors, and present her with a comfort unhoped for and opportune. I'll outdo the deeds of Talthybius

[*], and I'll set all messengers at nought, and at the same time I'll think about the running at the Olympic games. But this distance [*] is far too short for the course; how sorry for it I am. How's this? I see the door's closed. I'll go and knock at the door. Knocks at the door of PHILUMENA'S house. Open, and make haste, cause the door to be thrown open; away with all delay. This matter is attended to too carelessly; see how long I've been standing here and knocking. Are you indulging yourselves with a nap? I'll try whether the door or my arms and feet are the stronger. Knocks and kicks. I wish much that this door would run away from its master, that for that reason it might meet with a heavy punishment [*]. I'm tired of knocking. Well, be this the last for you. Knocks again.

GELASIMUS

apart. I'll go and accost him. Accosts PINACIUM. Good day to you.

PINACIUM

And good day to you.

GELASIMUS

Are you turned fisherman, then?

PINACIUM

How long is it since you ate?

GELASIMUS

Whence come you? What are you carrying? Why are you in a hurry?

PINACIUM

About that which is no business of yours, don't you trouble yourself.

GELASIMUS

What's there in that? Taking up the lid of the basket. PIN. Snakes, for you to eat.

GELASIMUS

Why are you so pettish?

PINACIUM

If you had any shame, you wouldn't address me.

GELASIMUS

May I learn the truth from you?

PINACIUM

You may; this day you'll get no dinner.

PHILUMENA

Who now, pray, is breaking this door down? To GELASIMUS. Are you doing this? Do you come to me like an enemy?

GELASIMUS

My respects to you; I come at your bidding.

PHILUMENA

And is it for that reason you are breaking down my door?

GELASIMUS

Scold your own people; the offenders are your own. I came to see what you wanted me for. Why, for my own part, I pitied this door.

PINACIUM

For that reason your assistance was given so very readily.

PHILUMENA

Pray, who's that, talking here so near to us?

GELASIMUS

Pinacium.

PHILUMENA

Where is he? Looks on each side.

PINACIUM

coming forward. Attend to me, and leave alone that needy Parasite, Philumena.

PHILUMENA

Pinacium.

PINACIUM

That name my elders gave me.

PHILUMENA

What's your business

PINACIUM

What's my business, do you ask?

PHILUMENA

Why shouldn't I ask it?

PINACIUM

What's yours with me?

PHILUMENA

Do you insult me, impudent fellow? Answer me, this very instant, Pinacium.

PINACIUM

Bid those, then, to let me alone, who are detaining me.

PHILUMENA

Who are detaining you?

PINACIUM

Do you ask me that? A lassitude is in possession of all my limbs.

PHILUMENA

Well, I know right well that it's not in possession of your tongue.

PINACIUM

With such rapid speed have I been hastening from the harbour, for the sake of your own well-doing.

PHILUMENA

Why, do you bring any good news?

PINACIUM

I bring more, by very much, than you expect.

PHILUMENA

I'm saved, then.

PINACIUM

And I'm done for; lassitude is drinking up my marrow apace.

GELASIMUS

What, then, am I, the marrow of whose stomach, to my sorrow, famine has seized upon?

PHILUMENA

Did you meet any one?

PINACIUM

Many.

PHILUMENA

But any man?

PINACIUM

Very many; but, of the many, not one a greater rascal than he is. Points at GELASIMUS.

PHILUMENA

How so?

GELASIMUS

I have been affronted already at his saying uncivil things to me. If you irritate me any further— Holds up his fist to PINACIUM.

PINACIUM

I' faith, you'll be plaguy hungry to eat me.

GELASIMUS

I'll cause you to know that assuredly you've said that with reason.

PINACIUM

I wish everything to be made clean. Calls to the SERVANTS from the door. Bring out here your brooms, and a reed as well,

[*] that I may destroy all the labours of the spiders and their plaguy webs, and rout out all their looms. The SERVANTS bring some brooms.

GELASIMUS

The poor things will be cold in future.

PINACIUM

What? Do you think that they are just like yourself, with only one coat? Take this broom. Gives him a broom.

GELASIMUS

I'll take it.

PINACIUM

This I'll take myself. Do you sweep away there.

GELASIMUS

I'll do so. Sweeps away.

PINACIUM

calling aloud. Will some one bring here a pail and water

[*]?

GELASIMUS

Really, this fellow's playing the Ædile

[*] without the vote of the public even. The water is brought.

PINACIUM

Come, do you quickly sweep the ground, and sprinkle before he t house.

GELASIMUS

I'll do so.

PINACIUM

It needs be done. I'll knock down the spider-webs there from the door and from the wall.

GELASIMUS

I' faith, a troublesome business, this.

PHILUMENA

Still, I don't at all understand what it means; unless, perchance, some guests are about to come?

PINACIUM

ordering the SERVANTS. Do you spread the couches.

GELASIMUS

aside. The beginning pleases me, about the couches.

PINACIUM

Others, you chop the billets; others, you clean the fish which the fisherman has brought; take you down the gammon of bacon and the collar of brawn

[*].

GELASIMUS

aside. I' faith, this is a very sensible fellow.

PHILUMENA

By my troth, as I imagine, you haven't quite minded the directions of your mistress.

PINACIUM

Why, I've left all matters unattended to by reason of what you wished.

PHILUMENA

Then do you inform me upon that, on account of which you were sent to the harbour?

PINACIUM

I'll tell you. After, with the daybreak, you had sent me to the harbour, the sun with its beams opportunely arose from out of the sea. While I was enquiring of the revenue officers whether any ship had arrived from Asia, and they were saying none had come, I beheld, in the meantime, a bark, than which I think I never saw a greater one. With a favouring breeze, and in full sail, it came into harbour. We were enquiring one of another whose ship it was, and what it carried? In the meantime I espied your husband and his servant Stichus.

PHILUMENA

Ha! what? Did you mention Epignomus?

GELASIMUS

Your husband and my own life.

PINACIUM

He has arrived, I say.

PHILUMENA

Did you see him yourself?

PINACIUM

Yes, and with pleasure too.

GELASIMUS

I' faith, I'll surely take the broom, and sweep this place with pleasure.

PINACIUM

He has brought a great amount of silver and gold.

GELASIMUS

'Tis right cleverly done.

PINACIUM

Wool and purple in plenty.

GELASIMUS

Aye, for me to clothe my carcase with.

PINACIUM

Couches, adorned with ivory and gold.

GELASIMUS

I'll recline at table right regally.

PINACIUM

Besides—Babylonian coverings for couches

[*], and carpets dyed in purple, has he brought.

GELASIMUS

Abundance of fine things. I' faith, his business has been successful.

PINACIUM

Then, as I began to say, female players on the harp, on the pipe, sackbuts too

[*], has he brought with him, of surprising beauty.

GELASIMUS

Capital! When I'm at my wine, I'll be quite sportive; then am I in merriest pin.

PINACIUM

Besides many unguents of numerous kinds.

GELASIMUS

I'll not sell my bon mots; I'll not have an auction now; I've got an estate in fee

[*]. Let the mischievous hunters of auctions go to perdition. Hercules, I congratulate thee that the tenths which I vowed to thee are increased. 'Tis my hope that at length, by some means or other, I may expel this plaguy famine from my stomach.

PINACIUM

And then, besides, he has brought some Parasites

[*] with him.

GELASIMUS

Alas! to my confusion, I'm undone.

PINACIUM

Right funny fellows.

GELASIMUS

I' faith, I'll sweep this dust back, which I just now swept together. Sweeps it back. Those bon mots are now on sale, which I was saying I wouldn't sell. I'm done for: now there is occasion for spiteful persons to rejoice at my misfortune. Hercules, thou who art a God, thou really hast departed not oppoitunely.

PHILUMENA

Did you see Pamphilus, the husband of my sister?

PINACIUM

No.

PHILUMENA

Isn't he there?

PINACIUM

Yes, they said that he had come as well. I ran hither before them, with all speed, that I might bring the welcome tidings.

PHILUMENA

Go in-doors, Pinacium; bid the servants prepare the sacred things

[*] for me. To GELASIMUS. Fare you well!

GELASIMUS

Do you want me to assist?

PHILUMENA

I have servants enough in the house. PHILUMENA and PINACIUM go into the house.

GELASIMUS

to himself. In good sooth, Gelasimus, I doubt you have come to but little purpose, if neither he that is here gives you any aid, nor yet he that's coming. I'll off indoors to my books

[*], and take my instructions from the cleverest sayings; for if I don't drive away those fellows, the Parasites that are coming, most surely I'm undone. (Exit.)

EPIGNOMUS

Inasmuch as, my business prosperously carried on, I am returned safe home, thanks do I return to Neptune and to his tempests; to Mercury as well

[*], who in my traffic has aided me, and by my profits has rendered my property fourfold. Those whom formerly I affected with sorrow at my departure, the same shall I now make joyous at my arrival. But already have I met my connexion Antipho, and from bad terms have I returned to friendship with him. See, prithee, what money can effect. Since, my affairs prospering, he sees that I've returned, and brought home great wealth, without any mediators, there on board the ship, upon the deck, we have returned to friendship and good feeling. Both he and my brother dine with me this day; for yesterday we were both in the same harbour [*] together; but to-day my ship weighed anchor a little the soonest. Take these people in-doors, Stichus, whom [*] I've brought with me.

STICHUS

Master, whether I'm silent or speak, I'm sure you know how many hardships I've endured in your service; now, on my arrival home, I wish to spend in freedom

[*] this one day after these many hardships.

EPIGNOMUS

You ask what's just and right. Stlchus, you may take this day for yourself; I don't object to it. Go where you like. A cask, too, of old wine, I give you to drink.

STICHUS

O, grand! I'll have my mistress this day.

EPIGNOMUS

Even ten, so long as it is at your own expense

STICHUS

What * * * * ?

EPIGNOMUS

What * * * * ?

STICHUS

I'll go and dine * * 'Tis thus it pleases me * * * * *

EPIGNOMUS

Where do you dine to-day?

STICHUS

This plan have I thus resolved upon. I have a mistress here in the neighbourhood, Stephanium, the servantmaid of your brother. I'm going to invite her; I'll take her to a pic-nic entertainment

[*] at her fellow- servant's, Sagarinus We both have the same mistress; we are rivals.