Mostellaria, or The Haunted House (849-893)

There is one.

Where is it?

Be off and be hanged! ’st, won’t you be off to utter perdition with you? What, do you still linger? ’st, away with you from here!

There’s no danger. You only move on. It’s as gentle[*] as a woman in childbed. You may boldly step in-doors wherever you like. I’m going hence to the Forum.

You’ve acted obligingly. Good speed to you. (Exit SIMO.) Tranio, come, make that dog move away from the door inside,

although it isn’t to be feared.

Nay but (pointing), you look at it, how gently it lies. Unless you’d like yourself to appear troublesome and cowardly—

Very well, just as you like.

Follow me this way then.

For my part, I shall not move in any direction from your feet.

Servants who, though they are free from fault, still stand in awe of punishment, those same are wont to be serviceable to their masters.

But those who fear nothing, after they have merited punishment, hit upon foolish plans for themselves: they exercise themselves in running; they take to flight. But, if they are caught, they acquire from punishment a hoard, which by good means they cannot.

They increase from a very little, and from that they lay by a treasure. The resolution that’s in my mind is to be determined to be on my guard against punishment, before my back comes to lose its state of soundness. As hitherto it has been, so does it become my hide still to be, without a bruise, and such that I should decline its being beaten.

If I have any control over it, I shall keep it well covered up[*]. When punishment is being showered down on others, don’t let it be showered down on me. But as servants wish their master to be, such is he wont to be. He is good to the good, bad to the bad. But now at our house at home there do live so many rogues,

lavish of their property[*], bearers of stripes. When they are called to go fetch their master, I shan’t go; don’t be plaguing me; I know where you are hurrying off to, is the reply. Now, faith, you mule, you’re longing to go to pasturage out of doors[*]. With better deserts, this advantage have I reaped from them, and, in consequence, I have come from home.

I alone, out of so many servants, am going to fetch my master. When, to-morrow, my master comes to know this, in the morning he will chastise them with bull’s-hide spoils. In fine, I care less for their backs than for my own. Much rather shall they be bull’s-hide-scourged than I be rope-scourged[*].

Hold you and stop this instant. Phaniscus! look round, I say!

Don’t be annoying to me.

Do see how scornful the monkey is!

I am so for myself; I choose to be. Why do you trouble yourself about it?

Are you going to stop this instant, you dirty parasite?

How am I a parasite?

Why, I’ll tell you: you can be drawn anywhere by victuals.

Do you give yourself airs, because your master’s so fond of you?

O dear, my eyes do ache[*].

Why so?

Because the smoke’s so troublesome.

Hold your tongue, will you, you clever workman, who are in the habit of coining money out of lead[*].

You cannot compel me to be abusive to you. My master knows me.