Mostellaria, or The Haunted House (1027-1075)

He said that you were wishful to give a wife to your son; for that reason, he said that you intended building on your own premises.

I, intended building here?

So he told me.

Ah me! I’m ruined outright! I’ve hardly any voice left[*]. Neighbours, I’m undone, ruined quite!

Has Tranio been causing any confusion?

Yes; he has thrown everything into confusion. He has made a fool of me to-day in a disgraceful manner.

What is it you say?

This matter is just as I am telling you:

he has this day made a fool of me in an outrageous manner. Now I beseech you that you’ll kindly aid me, and lend me your assistance.

What would you have?

I beg of you, come this way together with me.

Be it so.

Lend me the assistance of your slaves and some scourges.

Take them by all means.

At the same time I’ll tell you about this,

in what a fashion he has this day imposed upon me.

The man that shall prove timid in critical matters, will not be worth a nutshell. And, really, to say what that expression, worth a nutshell, means, I don’t know. But after my master sent me into the country to fetch his son hither,

I went that way (pointing) slily through the lane to our garden. At the entrance to the garden that’s in the lane, I opened the door; and by that road I led out all the troop, both men and women. After, from being in a state of siege, I had led out my troops to a place of safety, I adopted the plan of convoking a senate of my comrades,

and when I had convoked it, they forthwith banished me from the senate. When I myself perceived that the matter must be decided by my own judgment, as soon as ever I could, I did the same as many others do, whose affairs are in a critical or a perplexed state; they proceed to render them more perplexed, so that nothing can be settled.

But I know full well, that now by no means can this be concealed from the old man.

But how’s this, that our next neighbour’s door makes a noise? Why, surely this is my master: I’d like to have a taste of his talk.

Do you stand there, in that spot within the threshold; so that, the very instant I call,

you may sally forth at once. Quickly fasten the handcuffs upon him. I’ll wait before the house for this fellow that makes a fool of me, whose hide I’ll make a fool of in fine style, if I live.

The affair’s all out. Now it’s best for you, Tranio, to consider what you are to do.

I must go to work to catch him cleverly and artfully when he comes here.

I’ll not disclose to him my feelings all at once; I’ll throw out my line; I’ll conceal the fact that I know anything of these matters.

O cunning mortal! not another person in Athens can be pronounced more clever than he. One can no more this day deceive him than he can a stone. I’ll accost the man; I’ll address him.

Now I do wish that he would come here.

I’ faith, if me indeed you want, here I am ready at hand for you. (Comes forward.)