Mercator, or The Merchant (1-962)

CHARINUS

Two things have I now resolved to do at the same time; both the subject and my own amours will I disclose. I am not doing like as I have seen other lovers do in Comedies, who relate their woes either to the night or to the day, or to the Sun or to the Moon; who, faith, I don't suppose pay much regard to the complaints of mortals, either what they wish or what they don't wish. To yourselves in preference will I now relate my woes. In the Greek this Play is called the Emporos

[*] of Philemon; the same in the Latin is the Mercator of Marcus Accius. My father sent me hence to trade at Rhodes. Two years have now passed since I left home. There I began to love a fair one of remarkable beauty. But how I was captivated by her, I'll tell you, if you'll lend ear, and if you'll have the kindness to give your attention to this. And yet in this, but little have I followed the method of our forefathers in my own person, and on the spot as a tell- tale [*] of my own amours am I represented before you. But all these failings are wont to attend on love—care, trouble, and refinement overmuch. Not only him who loves, but every one to whom this latter fault extends, him with a great and weighty evil does it affect; nor by my troth, in fact, does any one aim at refinement, beyond what his means allow of, without heavy disaster. But to love as well are these evils incident, which I have not as yet recounted—sleeplessness, a troubled mind, confusion, terror, and apprehension, trifling, and folly even, rashness too, thoughtlessness, foolhardy impudence, wantonness, lust, and malevolence; covetousness is inherent as well, idleness, injustice, want, contumely and wastefulness, talkativeness or moody silence. This latter is the fact, because things which relate not to the purpose, nor are of utility, the same does the lover give utterance to full oft at an unseasonable moment; and yet again, this moody silence for this reason do I commend, because no lover is ever so skilled in eloquence, as to be enabled to give utterance to that which is for his own interest. You, then, must not be offended with myself for my babbling; Venus bestowed it upon me on that same day on which this passion. To that point am I resolved to return, that what I commenced upon I may disclose. In the first place, when in life I had passed from my boyish days, and my disposition was weaned from childish pursuits, I began distractedly to love a Courtesan in this place. Forthwith, unknown to my father, my means went to be wasted upon her; an exacting Procurer, the owner of this damsel, by every method that he could, grasped everything into his own possession [*]. Night and day my father censured me for this; represented the perfidy, the wickedness of Procurers; how that his own property was being forcibly rent in pieces, while that of this Procurer was increasing; this too in the loudest tones; sometimes muttering to himself; refusing to speak to me; even denying that I was his child; crying aloud through all the city and proclaiming that all should withhold from trusting me when desiring to borrow; that love had allured many a one to ruin; that I, passing all bounds, regardless of decency, and acting wrongfully, laid hands upon and tore whatever I could from him at home; that 'twas a most vile system that those choice possessions which he, by enduring every hardship, had acquired, should all be squandered away and parted with through the violence of my desire. That now for so many years he had supported myself, a reproach to him; that were I not ashamed, I ought not to desire to live. That he himself, at the very moment after he had passed his boyish days, did not, like me, devote his attention to love or indolence in slothfulness, nor, indeed, had he the control of himself, so very strictly by his father was he held in check; that in the various sordid pursuits of the country he was employed, and that only every fifth year even was he then enabled to visit the city, and that immediately after he had had a sight of the Festival [*], back again instantly into the country was he wont to be driven by his father. That there by far the most of all the household did he toil, while thus his father would say to him: "For yourself you are ploughing, for yourself you harrow, for yourself you sow, for your own self too do you reap; for yourself, in fine, will this labour be productive of happiness." That after life had left his father's body, he had sold the farm, and with that money had bought for himself a bark of fifteen tons [*], and with the same had transported merchandize to every quarter, even until he had acquired the property which he then possessed. That I ought to do the same, if I would be as it behoved me to be. I, when I found that I was disliked by my father and was an object of hate to him whom I was bound to please, distracted and in love as I was, resolutely made up my mind. I said that I would go to traffic, if he pleased; that I would renounce my amour, so as to be obedient to him. He gave me thanks, and praised my good feeling, but failed not to exact my promise; he built a merchant-ship [*], and purchased merchandize; the ship ready, he placed it on board; besides, to myself with his own hand he paid down a talent of silver; with me he sent a servant, who formerly had been my tutor from the time when I was a little child, to be as though a guardian to me. These things completed, we set sail; we came to Rhodes, where the merchandize which I had brought I sold to my mind according as I wished; I made great profits, beyond the estimate of the merchandize which my father had given me; and so I made a large sum. But while in the harbour I was walking there, a certain stranger recognized me, and invited me to dinner. I went, and took my place at table, being merrily and handsomely entertained. When at night we went to rest, behold, a female came to me, than whom not another female is there more charming. That night, by order of my entertainer, did she pass with me; consider your own selves, how very much he gratified me. Next day, I went to my host; I begged him to sell her to me; I said that for his kindnesses I should ever be grateful and obliged. What need is there of talking? I bought her, and yesterday I brought her hither. I don't wish my father to come to know I've brought her. For the present, I've left her and a servant in the harbour on board the ship. But why do I see my servant running hither from the harbour, whom I forbade to leave the ship? I dread what the reason may be. Stands aside.

ACANTHIO

to himself. With your utmost power and might always try and endeavour that your younger master

[*] may by your aid be preserved. Come then, Acanthio, away with weariness from you; take care and be on your guard against sloth. At the same time put an end to this panting; troth, I can hardly fetch my breath; at the same time, too, drive right full against all those persons who come in the way, shove them aside, and push them into the road. This custom here is a very bad one; no one thinks it proper for him to give way to one who is running and in haste; and thus three things must be done at the same moment, when you have commenced upon but one; you must both run and fight, and squabble as well, upon the road.

CHARINUS

apart. What's the reason of this, that he's requiring speed for himself at a rate so rapid? I have some anxiety, what the business is, or what news he brings.

ACANTHIO

to himself. I'm trifling about it. The more I stop, the greater the risk that's run.

CHARINUS

apart. He brings news of some misfortune, I know not what.

ACANTHIO

to himself. His knees are failing this runner. I'm undone, my spleen is in rebellion

[*], it's taking possession of my breast. I'm done up, I can't draw my breath. A very worthless piper should I be. I' faith, not all the baths will ever remove this lassitude from me. Am I to say that my master Charinus is at home or abroad?

CHARINUS

apart. I'm doubtful in my mind what the matter is; I'd like for myself to learn of him, that I may become acquainted with it.

ACANTHIO

to himself. But why still standing here? Why still hesitating to make splinters of this door? Knocks at the door of DEMIPHO'S house, and calls. Open the door, some one. Where's my master, Charinus? Is he at home or abroad? Does any one think fit to come to the door?

CHARINUS

presenting himself. Why, here am I, whom you're looking for, Acanthio.

ACANTHIO

not seeing him. There is nowhere a more lazy management than in his house.

CHARINUS

What matter is afflicting you so terribly?

ACANTHIO

turning round. Many, master, both yourself and me.

CHARINUS

What's the matter?

ACANTHIO

We are undone.

CHARINUS

That beginning do you present unto our foes.

ACANTHIO

But your own self it has befallen, as fate would have it.

CHARINUS

Tell me this matter, whatever it is.

ACANTHIO

Quietly—I want to take a rest. He pants.

CHARINUS

But, i' faith, do take the skirt of your coat

[*], and wipe the sweat from off you.

ACANTHIO

For your sake, I've burst the veins of my lungs; I'm spitting blood already. He spits.

CHARINUS

Swallow Ægyptian resin with honey; you'll make it all right.

ACANTHIO

Then, i' faith, do you drink hot pitch

[*]; then your troubles will vanish.

CHARINUS

I know no one a more tetchy fellow than yourself.

ACANTHIO

And I know no one more abusive than yourself

CHARINUS

But what if I'm persuading you to that which I take to be for your benefit?

ACANTHIO

Away with benefit of that sort, that's accompanied with pain.

CHARINUS

Tell me, is there any good at all that any one can enjoy entirely without evil; or where you mustn't endure labour when you wish to enjoy it?

ACANTHIO

I don't understand these things; I never learnt to philosophize, and don't know how. I don't want any good to be given me, to which evil is an accompaniment.

CHARINUS

extending his hand. Come now, Acanthio, give me your right hand.

ACANTHIO

It shall be given; there then, take it. Gives his hand.

CHARINUS

Do you intend yourself to be obedient to me, or don't you intend it?

ACANTHIO

You may judge by experience, as I've ruptured myself with running for your sake, in order that what I knew, you might have the means of knowing directly.

CHARINUS

I'll make you a free man within a few months.

ACANTHIO

You are smoothing me down.

CHARINUS

What, should I presume ever to make mention of an untrue thing to you? On the contrary, before I said so, you knew already whether I intend to utter an untruth.

ACANTHIO

Ah! your words, upon my faith, are increasing my weakness. You are worrying me to death!

CHARINUS

What, is this the way you're obedient to me?

ACANTHIO

What do you want me to do?

CHARINUS

What, you? What I want is this—

ACANTHIO

What is it then that you do want?

CHARINUS

I'll tell you.

ACANTHIO

Tell me, then.

CHARINUS

But still, I'd like to do it in a quiet way.

ACANTHIO

Are you afraid lest you should wake the drowsy Spectators

[*] from their nap?

CHARINUS

Woe be to you!

ACANTHIO

For my part, that same am I bringing to you from the harbour.

CHARINUS

What are you bringing? Tell me.

ACANTHIO

Violence, alarm, torture, care, strife, and beggary.

CHARINUS

I'm undone! You really are bringing me hither a store of evils. I'm ruined outright.

ACANTHIO

Why, yes, you are—

CHARINUS

I know it already; you'll be saying I'm wretched.

ACANTHIO

'Tis you have said so; I'm mum.

CHARINUS

What mishap is this?

ACANTHIO

Don't enquire. It is a very great calamity.

CHARINUS

Prithee, do relieve me at once. Too long a time have I been in suspense.

ACANTHIO

Softly; I still wish to make many enquiries before I'm beaten.

CHARINUS

By my troth, you assuredly will be beaten, unless you say at once, or get away from here.

ACANTHIO

Do look at that, please, how he does coax me; there's no one more flattering when he sets about it.

CHARINUS

By heavens, I do entreat and beseech you to disclose to me at once what it is; inasmuch as I see that I must be the suppliant of my own servant.

ACANTHIO

And do I seem so unworthy of it?

CHARINUS

Oh no, quite worthy.

ACANTHIO

Well, so I thought.

CHARINUS

Prithee, is the ship lost?

ACANTHIO

The ship's all right; don't fear about that.

CHARINUS

Well then, the rest of the cargo?

ACANTHIO

That's right and tight.

CHARINUS

Why then don't you tell me what it is, for which, just now, running through the city, you were seeking me?

ACANTHIO

Really, you are taking the words out of my mouth.

CHARINUS

I'll hold my tongue.

ACANTHIO

Do hold your tongue. I doubt, if I brought you any good news, you'd be dreadfully pressing, who are now insisting upon my speaking out, when you must hear bad news.

CHARINUS

Troth then, prithee do you let me know what this misfortune is.

ACANTHIO

Since you beg of me, I'll tell you. Your father—

CHARINUS

My father did what?

ACANTHIO

Your mistress—

CHARINUS

What about her?

ACANTHIO

He has seen her.

CHARINUS

Seen her? Ah wretch that I am! What I ask you, answer me.

ACANTHIO

Nay, but do you ask me, if you want anything.

CHARINUS

How could he see her?

ACANTHIO

With his eyes.

CHARINUS

In what way?

ACANTHIO

Wide open.

CHARINUS

Away hence and be hanged. You are trifling, when my life's at stake.

ACANTHIO

How the plague am I trifling, if I answer you what you ask me?

CHARINUS

Did he see her for certain?

ACANTHIO

Aye, troth, as certainly as I see you and you see me.

CHARINUS

Where did he see her?

ACANTHIO

Down on board the ship, as he stood near the prow and chatted with her.

CHARINUS

Father, you have undone me. Come now, you, come now, you sir? Why, you whip-rascal, didn't you take care that he mightn't see her? Why, villain, didn't you stow her away, that my father mightn't perceive her?

ACANTHIO

Because we were busily employed about our business; we were engaged in packing up and arranging the cargo. While these things were being done, your father was brought alongside in a very small boat; and not an individual beheld the man until he was aboard the ship.

CHARINUS

In vain have I escaped the sea with its dreadful tempests! Just now I really did suppose that I was both ashore and in a place of safety; but I see that by the raging waves I am being hurried towards the rocks. Say on; what took place?

ACANTHIO

After he espied the woman, he began to ask her to whom she belonged.

CHARINUS

What did she answer?

ACANTHIO

That instant I ran up and interposed, saying that you had bought her as a maid-servant for your mother.

CHARINUS

Did he seem to believe you in that?

ACANTHIO

Do you e'en ask me that? Why the rogue began to take liberties with her.

CHARINUS

Prithee, what, with her?

ACANTHIO

'Twere a wonder if he had taken liberties with myself.

CHARINUS

By heavens, my heart is saddened, which, drop by drop is melting away, just as though you were to put salt in water. I'm undone.

ACANTHIO

Aye, aye, that one expression have you most truly uttered.

CHARINUS

This is mere folly. What shall I do? I do think. my father won't believe me if I say that I bought her for my mother; and then, besides, it seems to me a shame that I should tell a lie to my parent. He'll neither believe, nor indeed is it credible, that I bought this woman of surpassing beauty as a maid-servant for my mother.

ACANTHIO

Won't you be quiet, you most silly man? Troth, he will believe it, for he just now believed me.

CHARINUS

I'm dreadfully afraid that a suspicion will reach my father how the matter really stands. Prithee, answer me this that I ask you.

ACANTHIO

What do you ask?

CHARINUS

Did he seem to suspect that she was my mistress?

ACANTHIO

He did not seem. On the contrary, in everything, just as I said it, he believed me.

CHARINUS

As being true-as he seemed to yourself at least.

ACANTHIO

Not so; but he really did believe me.

CHARINUS

Ah! wretched man that I am! I'm ruined! But why do I kill myself here with repining, and don't be off to the ship? Follow me. Hastening along.

ACANTHIO

If you go that way, you'll conveniently come slap upon your father. As soon as he shall see you, dismayed and out of spirits, at once he'll be stopping you, and enquiring where you bought her, and for how much you bought her; he'll be trying you in your dismay.

CHARINUS

turning about. I'll go this way in preference. Do you think that by this my father has left the harbour?

ACANTHIO

Why, it was for that reason I ran before him hither, that he mightn't come upon you unawares and fish it out of you.

CHARINUS

Very properly done. (Exeunt.)

DEMIPHO

to himself. In wondrous ways

[*] do the Gods make sport of men, and in wondrous fashions do they send dreams in sleep. As, for instance, I, this very last night that has passed, have sufficiently experienced in my sleep, and, mortal that I am, was much occupied therewith. I seemed to have purchased for myself a beautiful she-goat. That she might not offend that other she-goat which I had at home before, and that they mightn't disagree if they were both in the same spot, after that I had purchased her, I seemed to entrust her to the charge of an ape. This ape, not very long afterwards, came to me, uttered imprecations against me, and assailed me with reproaches; he said that by her means and through the arrival of the she-goat he had suffered injury and loss in no slight degree; he said that the she-goat, which I had entrusted to him to keep, had gnawed away the marriage-portion of his wife. This seemed extremely wonderful to me, how that this single she-goat could possibly have gnawed away [*] the marriage-portion of the wife of the ape. The ape, however, insisted that it was so, and, in short, gave me this answer, that if I didn't make baste and remove her away from his own house, he would bring her home into my house to my wife. And, by my troth, I seemed very greatly to take an interest in her, but not to have any one to whom to entrust this she-goat; wherefore the more, in my distress, was I tormented with anxiety what to do. Meanwhile, a kid appeared to address me, and began to tell me that he had carried off the she-goat from the ape, and began to laugh at me. But I began to lament and complain that she was carried off. To what reality I am to suppose that this vision points, I can't discover; except that I suspect that I have just now discovered this she-goat, what she is, or what it all means. This morning, at daybreak, I went away hence down to the harbour. After I had transacted there what I wanted, suddenly I espied the ship from Rhodes, in which my son arrived here yesterday. I had an inclination, I know not why, to visit it; I went on board a boat, and put off to the ship; and there I beheld a woman of surpassing beauty, whom my son has brought as a maid-servant for his mother. After I had thus beheld her, I fell in love with her, not as men in their senses, but after the fashion in which madmen are wont. I' faith, in former times, in my youthful days, I fell in love, 'tis true; but after this fashion, according as I'm now distracted, never. Now beyond a doubt, surely thus this matter stands; this is that she-goat. But what that ape and that kid mean, I'm afraid. One thing, i' faith, I really do know for certain, that I'm undone for love; to the AUDIENCE consider yourselves the other point, what a poor creature I am [*]. But I'll hold my tongue; lo! I see my neighbour; he's coming out of doors. Stands aside.

LYSIMACHUS

Really I will have this goat mutilated, that's giving us so much trouble at the farm.

DEMIPHO

apart. Neither this omen nor this augury pleases me; I'm afraid that my wife will be just now mutilating me like the he-goat, and be acting the part of this same ape.

LYSIMACHUS

Do you go hence to my country-house, and take care and deliver personally into his own hands those rakes to the bailiff Pistus himself. Take care and tell my wife that I have business in the city, so that she mayn't expect me; for do you mention that I have three causes coming on for judgment to-day. Be off, and remember to say this.

SERV.

Anything more?

LYSIMACHUS

That's enough. (Exit)

SERVANT.

DEMIPHO

Stepping forward. Greetings to you, Lysimachus.

LYSIMACHUS

Well met! and greetings to you, Demipho. How are you? How goes it?

DEMIPHO

As with one that's most wretched

[*].

LYSIMACHUS

May the Gods grant better things.

DEMIPHO

As for the Gods, it's they that do this.

LYSIMACHUS

What's the matter?

DEMIPHO

I'd tell you, if I saw that you had time or leisure.

LYSIMACHUS

Although I have business in hand, if you wish for anything, Demipho, I'm never too busy to give attention to a friend.

DEMIPHO

You speak of your kindness to myself who have experienced it. How do I seem to you as to age?

LYSIMACHUS

A subject for Acheron—an antiquated, decrepit old fellow.

DEMIPHO

You see in a wrong light. I am a child, Lysimachus, of seven years old.

LYSIMACHUS

Are you in your senses, to say that you are a child?

DEMIPHO

I'm telling what's true.

LYSIMACHUS

I' faith, it has this moment come into my mind what you mean to say; directly a person is old, no longer has he sense or taste; people say that he has become a child again.

DEMIPHO

Why, no; for I'm twice as hearty as ever I was before.

LYSIMACHUS

I' faith, it's well that so it is, and I'm glad of it.

DEMIPHO

Aye, and if you did but know; with my eyes, too, I see even better now than I did formerly.

LYSIMACHUS

That's good.

DEMIPHO

Of a thing that's bad, I'm speaking.

LYSIMACHUS

Then that same is not good.

DEMIPHO

But, if I wished at all, could I venture to disclose something to you?

LYSIMACHUS

Boldly.

DEMIPHO

Give heed, then.

LYSIMACHUS

It shall be carefully done.

DEMIPHO

This day, Lysimachus, I've begun to go to school to learn my letters. I know three letters already.

LYSIMACHUS

How? Three letters?

DEMIPHO

spelling. A M O [I am in love].

LYSIMACHUS

What! you, in love, with your hoary head, you most shocking old fellow?

DEMIPHO

Whether that is hoary, or whether red, or whether black, I'm in love.

LYSIMACHUS

You're now playing upon me in this, I fancy, Demipho.

DEMIPHO

Cut my throat, if it's false, what I'm saying. That you may be sure I'm in love, take a knife, and do you cut off either my finger, or my ear, or my nose, or my lip: if I move me, or feel that I'm being cut, then, Lysimachus, I give you leave to torture me to death here with being in love.

LYSIMACHUS

aside to the AUDIENCE. If ever you've seen a lover in a picture, why, there he is pointing at DEMIPHO: for really, in my way of thinking, an antiquated, decrepit old man is just about the same as though he were a figure painted upon a wall.

DEMIPHO

Now, I suppose, you are thinking of censuring me.

LYSIMACHUS

What, I, censure you?

DEMIPHO

Well, there's no reason that you should censure me. Other distinguished men have done the like before. It's natural to be in love, it's natural, as well, to be considerate. Then, please, don't reprove me; no inclination impelled me to this.

LYSIMACHUS

Why, I'm not reproving you.

DEMIPHO

But still, don't you think any the worse of me for acting thus.

LYSIMACHUS

I, think the worse of you? O, may the Deities forbid it.

DEMIPHO

Still, please, only do take care of that.

LYSIMACHUS

Due care is taken.

DEMIPHO

Quite sure?

LYSIMACHUS

You're wearing me out. Aside. This person's deranged through love. To DEMIPHO. Do you desire aught with me?

DEMIPHO

Farewell!

LYSIMACHUS

I'm making haste to the harbour; for I've got business there.

DEMIPHO

Good luck go with you.

LYSIMACHUS

Heartily fare you well.

DEMIPHO

Kindly fare you well. (Exit LYSIMACHUS.) DEMIPHO continues, to himself. And what's more, I too as well have got some business at the harbour; now, therefore, I shall be off thither. But, look! most opportunely I see my son. I'll wait for the fellow; it's necessary for me now to see him, to persuade him, as far as I possibly can, to sell her to me, and not make a present of her to his mother; for I've heard that he has brought her as a present for her. But I have need of precaution, that he mayn't any way imagine that I have set my fancy upon her.

CHARINUS

to himself. Never, I do think, was any person more wretched than myself, nor one who had more everlasting crosses. Isn't it the fact, that whatever thing there is that I have commenced to attempt, it cannot fall out to my wish according as I desire? To such an extent is some evil fortune always befalling me, which overwhelms my fair intentions. To my misfortune, I procured me a mistress to please my inclination; I acquired her for a sum of money, fancying that I could keep her unknown to my father. He has found her out, and has seen her, and has undone me. Nor have I yet determined what to say when he asks me, so much do uncertain thoughts, aye, tenfold, struggle within my breast; nor know I now in my mind what resolution I can possibly take; so much uncertainty, mingled with anxiety, is there in my feelings, at one moment the advice of my servant pleases me, then again it doesn't please me, and it doesn't seem possible for my father to be induced to think that she was bought as a maid-servant for my mother. Now, if I say, as is the fact, and declare that I purchased her for myself, what will he think of me? He may take her away, too, and carry her hence beyond sea, to be sold! Well taught at home, I know how severe he is. Is this, then, being in love? I'd rather be at the plough-tail

[*] than love in this fashion. Before to-day, long ago, he drove me away against my inclination from his house, my home, and bade me go and traffic. There did I meet with this misfortune. When its misery can surpass its pleasure, what is there delightful in it? In vain I've hidden her, concealed her, kept her in secret; my father's a very fly [*]; nothing can be kept away from him; nothing so sacred or so profane is there, but that he's there at once; neither have I any assured hope in my mind through which to feel confidence in my fortunes.

DEMIPHO

apart. What's the reason of this, that my son is talking to himself alone? He seems to me anxious about some matter, I know not what.

CHARINUS

looking round. Heyday, now! Why, surely it's my father here that I see. I'll go and accost him. Accosting him. How goes it, father?

DEMIPHO

Whence do you come? Why are you in a hurry, my son?

CHARINUS

It's all right, father.

DEMIPHO

So I trust; but what's the reason that your colour's so changed? Do you feel ill at all?

CHARINUS

I know not what it is affects my spirits, father; this last night I didn't rest quite as well as I wished.

DEMIPHO

As you've been travelling by sea, your eyes, I suppose, are at present rather unaccustomed to the shore.

CHARINUS

No doubt it is that; but it will be going off presently.

DEMIPHO

Troth, it's for that reason you are pale; if you were prudent, you'd go home and lie down.

CHARINUS

I haven't the leisure; I wish to attend to business on commission.

DEMIPHO

Attend to it to-morrow; the day after, attend to it.

CHARINUS

I've often heard from you, father, it behoves all wise men, the first thing, to give their earliest attention to business upon commission.

DEMIPHO

Do so, then; I have no wish to be striving against your opinion.

CHARINUS

aside. I'm all right, if, indeed, his adherence to that sentiment is immoveable and lasting.

DEMIPHO

aside. Why is it that he calls himself aside into counsel with himself? I'm not afraid now lest he should be able to come to know that I'm in love with her, because I've not as yet done anything in a foolish manner, as people in love are wont to do.

CHARINUS

aside. I' faith, the affair for the present is really quite safe; for I'm quite certain that he doesn't know anything about that mistress of mine; if he did know, his talk would have been different.

DEMIPHO

aside. Why don't I accost him about her?

CHARINUS

aside. Why don't I betake myself off hence? Aloud. I'm going to deliver the commissions from my friends to their friends. Moves as if going.

DEMIPHO

Nay, but stop; I still want to make a few enquiries of you first.

CHARINUS

Say what it is you wish.

DEMIPHO

Have you all along been well?

CHARINUS

Quite well all the time, so long, indeed, as I was there; but as soon as I had arrived here in harbour, I don't know what faintness it was came over me.

DEMIPHO

I' faith, I suppose it arose from sea-sickness; but it will be going off just now. But how say you? What servant-maid is this that you have brought from Rhodes for your mother?

CHARINUS

I've brought one.

DEMIPHO

Well, what sort of a woman is she as to appearance?

CHARINUS

Not an ill-favored one, i' faith.

DEMIPHO

How is she as to manners?

CHARINUS

In my way of thinking, I never saw one better.

DEN.

So, indeed, i' faith, she seemed to me when I saw her.

CHARINUS

How now, have you seen her, father?

DEMIPHO

I have seen her; but she doesn't suit our ways, and so she doesn't please me.

CHARINUS

Why so?

DEMIPHO

Because she hasn't a figure suitable to our establishment; we stand in need of no female servant but one who can weave, grind, chop wood, make yarn, sweep out the house, stand a beating, and who can have every day's victuals cooked for the household. This one will be able to do not any single one of these things.

CHARINUS

Why, in fact, for this reason I purchased her, to make a present of her to my mother.

DEMIPHO

Don't you be giving her, nor mention that you have brought her.

CHARINUS

aside. The Deities favour me.

DEMIPHO

aside. I'm shaking him by slow degrees. Aloud. But, what I omitted to say,—she can neither with due propriety follow your mother as an attendant; nor will I allow it.

CHARINUS

But why?

DEMIPHO

Because, with those good looks, it would be scandalous if she were to be following a matron when she's walking through the streets; all people would be staring, gazing, nodding, winking, hissing, twitching, crying out, be annoying, and singing serenades at our door; my door, perhaps, would be filled with the charcoal marks

[*] of her praises; and, according as persons are scandalizing at the present day, they might throw it in the teeth of my wife and myself, that we are carrying on the business of a Procurer. Now what occasion is there for this?

CHARINUS

Why, faith, you say what's just, and I agree with you. But what shall be done with her now?

DEMIPHO

Exactly; I'll buy for your mother some stout wench of a female slave, not a bad servant, but of ungainly figure, as befits the mistress of a family—either a Syrian or an Egyptian woman: she shall do the grinding, spin out the yarn, and stand a lashing; and on her account no disgrace at all will be befalling our doors.

CHARINUS

What then if she is restored to the person of whom she was purchased?

DEMIPHO

By no means in the world.

CHARINUS

He said that he would take her back, if she didn't suit.

DEMIPHO

There's no need of that; I don't want you to get into litigation, nor yet your honor to be called in question. I' troth, I would much rather, if any must be endured, put up with the loss myself, than that disgrace or scandal on account of a woman should be brought upon my house. I think that I am able to sell for you at a good profit.

CHARINUS

I' faith, so long, indeed, as you don't be selling her at a less price than I bought her at, father.

DEMIPHO

Do you only hold your tongue; there is a certain old gentleman who commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance.

CHARINUS

But, father, a certain young man commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance that she is of.

DEMIPHO

I think that I am able to dispose of her for twenty minæ.