Menaechmi, or The Twin Brothers (330-383)

while I’m subjecting these things to the strength of the fire[*]. I’ll go in-doors now, and tell Erotium that you are standing here, that she may fetch you away hence, rather than you be standing here out of doors.

Is he gone then? He is gone. By my faith, I find by experience that your words are not untrue.

Do you only be on your guard;

for I do believe that some woman in the harlot line is living here, as, in fact. this madman said, who has just gone away from here.

But I wonder how he came to know my name.

I’ faith, ’tis far from surprising: courtesans have this custom; they send servant-boys and servant-girls down to the harbour;

if any foreign ship comes into port, they enquire of what country it is, and what its name is; after that, at once they set themselves to work, and fasten themselves upon him; if they inveigle him, they send him home a ruined man. Now in this harbour there stands a piratical craft,

against which I really think that we must be on our guard.

I’ troth, you really counsel aright.

Then, in fine, shall I be sure that I’ve counselled aright, if you are rightly on your guard.

Be silent for a moment, then; for the door makes a noise. Let’s see who’s coming out from there.

Meanwhile, I’ll lay this down. (He puts down the wallet.)

Do you keep watch upon these things, if you please, you sailors[*].

Leave the door ajar[*] thus; begone. I don’t want it shut: prepare, attend, and provide within; what is requisite, let it be done. Lay down the couches, burn the perfumes; neatness,

that is the charm for the minds of lovers. Our agreableness is for the lover’s loss, for our own gain. (To herself.) But where is he whom the Cook said was in front of the house? O, I see him there—one who is of service to me, and who profits me very much. And right willingly is such usage shown to him, as he deserves to be of especial importance in my house.

Now I’ll accost him; I’ll address him of my own accord. (To MENAECHMUS.) My dear life, it seems wonderful to me that you are standing here out of doors, for whom the door is wide open, more so than your own house, inasmuch as this house is at your service. Everything’s ready as you requested

and as you desired; nor have you now any delay in-doors. The breakfast, as you ordered, is prepared here; when you please, you may go and take your place.

To whom is this woman addressing herself?

Why, I’m talking to yourself.

What business have I ever had with you, or have I now?

Troth, inasmuch as Venus has willed that you singly above all I should exalt; and that not without your deserving it. For, by my faith, you alone make me, by your kindnesses, to be thriving.

For sure this woman is either mad or drunk, Messemo, that addresses me, a person whom she knows not in so familiar a way.

Didn’t I say that these things are in the habit of occurring here? The leaves are falling now; in comparison with this, if we shall be here for three days, the trees will be tumbling upon you. For to such a degree are all these Courtesans wheedlers out of one’s money. But only let me address her. Harkye, woman, I’m speaking to you.

What’s the matter?

Where have you yourself known this person?

In that same place where he has known me for this long time,

in Epidamnus.

In Epidamnus? A man who, until this day, has never put a foot here inside of this city.

Heyday! You are making fun, my dear Menaechmus. But, prithee, why not go in? There, it will be more suitable for you.

I’ faith, this woman really does address me rightly by my name. I wonder very much what’s the meaning of this business.