Menaechmi, or The Twin Brothers (1-1060)

Prologus

In the first[*] place now, Spectators, at the commencement, do I wish health and happiness[*] to myself and to you.I bring you Plautus, with my tongue, not with my hand: I beg that you will receive him with favouring ears. Now learn the argument, and give your attention; in as few words as possible will I be brief. And, in fact, this subject is a Greek one; still, it is not an Attic

[*], but a Sicilian one. But in their Comedies the poets do this; they feign that all the business takes place at Athens [*], in order that it may appear the more Grecian to you. I will not tell you that this matter happened anywhere except where it is said to have happened. This has been my preface to the subject of this play. Now will I give the subject, meted out to you, not in a measure, nor yet in a threefold measure [*], but in the granary itself; so great is my heartiness in telling you the plot.

There was a certain aged man, a merchant at Syracuse

[*]; to him two sons were born, twins, children so like in appearance that their own foster-mother [*], who gave the breast, was not able to distinguish them, nor even the mother herself who had given them birth; as a person, indeed, informed me who had seen the children; I never saw them, let no one of you fancy so. After the children were now seven years old, the father freighted a large ship with much merchandize. The father put one of the twins on board the ship, and took him away, together with himself, to traffic at Tarentum [*]; the other one he left with his mother at home. By accident, there were games at Tarentum when he came there: many persons, as generally happens at the games, had met together; the child strayed away there from his father among the people. A certain merchant of Epidamnus was there; he picked up the child, and carried it away to Epidamnus [*]. But its father, after he had lost the child, took it heavily to heart, and through grief at it he died a few days after at Tarentum. Now, after news reached the grandfather of the children at home about this matter, how that one of the children had been stolen, the grandfather changed the name of that other twin. So much did he love that one which had been stolen, that he gave his name to the one that was at home. That you may not mistake hereafter, I tell you then this beforehand; the name of both the twin-brothers is the same. He gave the same name of Menaechmus to this one as the other had; and by the same name the grandfather himself was called. I remember his name the more easily for the reason that I saw him cried with much noise [*]. Now must I speed back on foot to Epidamnus, that I may exactly disclose this matter to you. If any one of you [*] wishes anything to be transacted for him at Epidamnus, command me boldly and speak out; but on these terms, that he give me the means by which it may be transacted for him. For unless a person gives the money, he will be mistaken; in a lower tone except that he who does give it will be very much more mistaken [*]. But I have returned to that place whence I set forth, and yet I am standing in the self-same spot. This person of Epidamnus, whom I mentioned just now, that stole that other twin child, had no children, except his wealth. He adopted as his son the child so carried off, and gave him a well-portioned wife, and made him his heir when he himself died. For as, by chance, he was going into the country, when it had rained heavily, entering, not far from the city, a rapid stream, in its rapidity [*] it threw the ravisher of the child off his legs; and hurried the man away to great and grievous destruction. And so a very large fortune fell to that youth. Here pointing to the house does the stolen twin now dwell. Now that twin, who dwells at Syracuse, has come this day to Epidamnus with his servant to make enquiry for this own twin-brother of his. This is the city of Epidamnus while this play is acting; when another shall be acted, it will become another town; just as our companies, too, are wont to be shifted about. The same person now acts the procurer, now the youth, now the old man, the pauper, the beggar, the king, the parasite, the soothsayer ⋯

PENICULUS

The young men have given me the name of Peniculus[*], for this reason, because when I eat, I wipe the tables clean. ⋯ The persons who bind captives with chains, and who put fetters upon runaway slaves, act very foolishly, in my opinion at least. For if bad usage is added to his misfortune for a wretched man, the greater is his inclination to run away and to do amiss. For by some means or other do they release themselves from the chains; while thus fettered, they either wear away a link with a file, or else with a stone they knock out the nail; 'tis a mere trifle this. He whom you wish to keep securely that he may not run away, with meat and with drink ought he to be chained; do you bind down the mouth of a man to a full table. So long as you give him what to eat and what to drink at his own pleasure in abundance every day, i' faith he'll never run away, even if he has committed an offence that's capital; easily will you secure him so long as you shall bind him with such chains. So very supple are these chains of food, the more you stretch them so much the more tightly do they bind. But now I'm going directly to Menaechmus; whither for this long time I have been sentenced, thither of my own accord I am going, that he may enchain me. For, by my troth, this man does not nourish persons, but he quite rears and reinvigorates them; no one administers medicine more agreably. Such is this young man; himself with a very well-stocked larder, he gives dinners fit for Ceres

[*]; so does he heap the tables up, and piles so vast of dishes does he arrange, you must stand on your couch if you wish for anything at the top. But I have now had an interval these many days, while I've been lording it at home all along together with my dear ones [*];—for nothing do I eat or purchase but what it is most dear. But inasmuch as dear ones, when they are provided, are in the habit of forsaking us, I am now paying him a visit. But his door is opening; and see, 1 perceive Menaechmus himself; he is coming out of doors.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

speaking at the door to his WIFE within. Unless you were worthless, unless you were foolish, unless you were stark wild and an idiot, that which you see is disagreable to your husband, you would deem to be so to yourself as well. Moreover, if after this day you do any such thing to me, I'll force you, a divorced woman, turned out of my doors to go visit your father. For as often as I wish to go out of the house, you are detaining me, calling me back, asking me questions; whither I am going, what matter I am about, what business I am transacting, what I am wanting, what I am bringing, what I have been doing out of doors? I've surely brought home a custom-house officer

[*] as my wife; so much am I obliged to disclose all my business, whatever I have done and am doing. I've had you hitherto indulged too much. Now, therefore, I'll tell you how I am about to act. Since I find you handsomely in maids, provisions, wool, gold trinkets, garments, and purple, and you are wanting in nought, you'll beware of a mischief if you're wise; you'll leave off watching your husband. In a lower voice. And therefore, that you mayn't be watching me in vain, for your pains I shall find me a mistress to-day, and invite her to dinner somewhere out of doors.

PENICULUS

apart. This fellow pretends that he's upbraiding his wife, but he's addressing myself; for if he does dine out of doors, he really is punishing me, not his wife.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

to himself. Hurra! I' troth, by my taunts I've driven my wife from the door at last. Where now are your intriguing husbands? Why do they hesitate, all returning thanks, to bring presents to me who have fought so gallantly? This mantle

[*] of my wife's taking it from under his cloak I've just now stolen from in-doors, and I'm taking it to my mistress. This way it's proper for a clever trick to be played this knowing husband-watcher. This is a becoming action, this is right, this is skilful, this is done in workman-like style; inasmuch as at my own risk I've taken this from my plague, this same shall be carried off to destruction [*]. With the safety of my allies [*] I've gained a booty from the foe.

PENICULUS

aloud, at a distance. Harkye! young man; pray what share have I

[*] in that booty?

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

I'm undone; I've fallen into an ambuscade.

PENICULUS

Say a safeguard rather. Don't be afraid.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

What person's this?

PENICULUS

'Tis I. Coming up to him.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

O my convenient friend—O my ready occasion, save you.

PENICULUS

And save you. they shake hands.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

What are you about?

PENICULUS

Holding my good Genius in my right hand.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

You couldn't have come to me more à propos than you have come.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

I'm in the habit of doing so; I understand all the points of ready occasion.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Would you like to be witness of a brilliant exploit?

PENICULUS

What cook has cooked it? I shall know at once if he has made any mistake, when I see the remnants.

[*].

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Tell me—did you ever see a picture painted on a wall, where the eagle is carrying off Ganymede

[*], or Venus Adonis?

PENICULUS

Many a time. But what are these pictures to me?

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Come, look at me

[*]. Do I at all bear any resemblance to them?

PENICULUS

What's this garb of yours?

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Pronounce me to be a very clever fellow.

PENICULUS

Where are we to feed?

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Only do you say that which I requested you.

PENICULUS

Well, I do say so; very clever fellow.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

And don't you venture to add anything of your own to it?

PENICULUS

— And very pleasant fellow.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Go on.

PENICULUS

I' faith, I really can't go on, unless I know for what reason. You've had a fall-out with your wife; on that ground am I the more strongly on my guards

[*] against you.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

While you are interrupting me, you are delaying yourself.

PENICULUS

Knock out my only eye

[*], Menaechmus, if I speak one word but what you bid me.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

⋯ where, unknown to my wife, we will erect the funeral pile ⋯ and let us consume this day

[*] upon it.

PENICULUS

Well, come then, since you request what's fair, how soon am I to set fire to the pile? Why really, the day's half dead already down to its navel

[*].

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Come this way from the door.

PENICULUS

Be it so. Moves from the door.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Come still more this way.

PENICULUS

Very well. Moves.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus

Even still, step aside boldly from the lioness's den.

PENICULUS

still moving. Well done; by my troth, as I fancy, you really would bean excellent charioteers

[*].

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Why so?

PENICULUS

That your wife mayn't follow you, you are looking back ever and anon.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

But what say you?

PENICULUS

What, I? Why, whatever you choose, that same do I say, and that same do I deny.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Could you make any conjecture at all from the smell, if perchance you were to take a smell at something?

PENICULUS

Were the college of Augurs summoned ⋯

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

holds out the skirt of the mantle. Come then, take a sniff at this mantle that I'm holding. What does it smell of? Do you decline?

PENICULUS

It's as well to smell the top of a woman's garment; for at this other place the nose is offended with an odour that can't be washed out.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

holding another part. Take a smell here then, Peniculus, as you are so daintily nice.

PENICULUS

Very well. He smells it.

MENAECHMUS

How now? What does it smell of? Answer me.

PENICULUS

Theft, a mistress, and a breakfast. To you ⋯

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

You have spoken out ⋯ now it shall be taken to this mistress of mine, the Courtesan Erotium. I'll order a breakfast at once to be got ready, for me, you, and her; then will we booze away even to the morrow's morning star.

PENICULUS

Capital. You've spoken out distinctly. Am I to knock at the door then?

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Knock—or hold, rather.

PENICULUS

You've removed

[*] the goblet a full mile by that.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Knock gently.

PENICULUS

You're afraid, I think, that the doors are made of Samian crockery. Goes to knock.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Hold, prithee, hold, i' faith; see, she's coming out herself. The door of EROTIUM'S house is opened. Ha you behold the sun, is it not quite darkened in comparison with the bright rays of her person.

EROTIUM

My life, Menaechmus, save you.

PENICULUS

And what for me?

EROTIUM

You are out of my number.

PENICULUS

⋯ that same thing is wont to be done for the other supernumeraries

[*] of the legion.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

I would order a skirmish to be got ready there at your house for me to-day.

EROTIUM

To-day it shall be done.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

In that skirmish we two shall drink. Him shall you choose that shall be found there the better warrior with the goblet; do you make up your mind with which of the two you'll pass this night. How much, my love, when I look upon you, do I hate my wife.

EROTIUM

Meantime, however, you cannot help being wrapped in something of hers. What's this? Takes hold of the mantle.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

taking it off. 'Tis a new dress for you, and a spoil from

[*] my wife, my rosebud.

EROTIUM

You have a ready way of prevailing, so as to be superior in my eyes to any one of those that pay me suit. Embraces him.

PENICULUS

aside. The harlot's coaxing in the meantime, while she's looking out what to plunder ⋯to EROTLUM for if you really loved him, by this his nose ought to have been off with your teething him.

[*].

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Take hold of this, Peniculus: I wish to dedicate the spoil that I've vowed.

PENICULUS

Give it me. Holds it while MENAECHMUS puts it on. But, i' faith, prithee, do dance afterwards with the mantle on in this way.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

I—dance? I' faith, you're not in your senses.

PENICULUS

Are you or I the most? If you won't dance, then take it off.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

to EROTIUM. At a great risk have I stolen this to-day. In my opinion, indeed, Hercules didn't ever carry off the belt from Hippolyta

[*] with danger as great. Take this for yourself he takes it off, and gives her the mantle, since you are the only one alive that's compliant with my humours.

EROTIUM

With such feelings 'tis proper that real lovers should be animated.

PENICULUS

aside. Those, indeed, who are making haste to bring themselves down to beggary.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

I purchased that for my wife a year since at the price of four minae.

PENICULUS

aside. The four minae are clearly gone for ever, as the account now stands.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Do you know what I wish you to attend to?

EROTIUM

I don't know; but I'll attend to whatever you do wish.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Order a breakfast, then, to be provided for us three at your house, and some dainties to be purchased at the market; kernels of boars' neck, or bacon off the gammon

[*], or pig's head, or something in that way, which, when cooked and placed on table before me, may promote an appetite like a kite's: and-forthwith—

EROTIUM

I' faith, I will.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

We're going to the Forum: we shall be here just now. While it's cooking, we'll take a whet in the meantime.

EROTIUM

Come when you like, the things shall be ready.

MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

Only make haste, then. Do you follow me to PENICULUS.

PENICULUS

By my troth, I certainly shall keep an eye on you, and follow you. I wouldn't take the wealth of the Gods to lose you this day. (Exeunt MENAECHMUS and PENICULUS.)

EROTIUM

speaking at the door of her house. Call Cylindrus, the cook, out of doors this moment from within.

EROTIUM

Take a hand-basket and some money. See, you have three didrachmns here. Giving him money..

CYLINDRUS

I have so.

EROTIUM

Go and bring some provisions, see that there's enough for three; let it be neither deficient nor overmuch.

CYLINDRUS

What sort of persons are these to be?

EROTIUM

Myself, Menaechmus, and his Parasite.

CYLINDRUS

Then these make ten, for the Parasite easily performs the duty of eight persons

[*].

EROTIUM

I've now told you the guests; do you take care of the rest.

CYLINDRUS

Very well. It's cooked already; bid them go and take their places.

EROTIUM

Make haste back.

CYLINDRUS

I'll be here directly. (Exit CYLINDRUS, and EROTIUM goes into her house.)

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

There's no greater pleasure to voyagers, in my notion, Messenio, than at the moment when from sea they espy the land afar.

MESSENIO

There is a greater, I'll say it without subterfuge,—if on your arrival you see the land that is your own. But, prithee, why are we now come to Epidamnus? Why, like the sea, are we going round all the islands?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

To seek for my own twin-brother born?

MESSENIO

Why, what end is there to be of searching for him? This is the sixth year that we've devoted our attention to this business. We have been already carried round the Istrians

[*], the Hispanians, the Massilians, the Illyrians, all the Upper Adriatic Sea, and foreign Greece [*], and all the shores of Italy, wherever the sea reaches them. If you had been searching for a needle, I do believe you would, long ere this, have found the needle, if it were visible. Among the living are we seeking a person that's dead; for long ago should we have found him if he had been alive.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

For that reason I am looking for a person to give me that information for certain, who can say that he knows that he really is dead; after that I shall never take any trouble in seeking further. But otherwise I shall never, while I'm alive, desist; I know how dear he is to my heart.

MESSENIO

You are seeking a knot in a bulrush

[*]. Why don't we return homeward hence, unless we are to write a history [*]?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Have done with your witty sayings, and be on your guard against a mischief. Don't you be troublesome; this matter shan't be done at your bidding.

MESSENIO

aside. Aye, aye; by that same expression do I rest assured that I'm a slave; he couldn't in a few words have said more in a plain-spoken way. But still I can't restrain myself from speaking. Aloud. Do you hear, Menaechmus? When I look in the purse, I find, i' faith, we're only equipped for our journey like summer travellers

[*]. By my troth, I guess, if you don't be returning home, while you're seeking your twin-brother, you'll surely be groaning [*], when you have nothing left. For such is this race of people; among the men of Epidamnus there are debauchees and very great drinkers; swindlers besides, and many wheedlers are living in this city; then the women in the harlot line are said nowhere in the world to be more captivating. The name of Epidamnus was given to this city for the very reason, because hardly any person sojourns here without some damnable mishaps [*].

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I'll guard against that. Just give me the purse this way.

MESSENIO

What do you want with it?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I'm apprehensive then about yourself, from your expressions.

MESSENIO

Why are you apprehensive?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Lest you should cause me some damnable mishap in Epidamnus. You are a great admirer of the women, Messenio, and I'm a passionate man, of an unmanageable disposition; of both these things will I have a care, when I've got the money, that you shall not commit a fault, and that I shall not be in a passion with you.

MESSENIO

giving him the purse. Take and keep it; with all my heart you may do so.

CYLINDRUS

I've catered well, and to my mind. I'll set a good breakfast before the breakfasters. But see, I perceive Menaechmus. Woe to my back; the guests are now already walking before the door, before I've returned with the provisions. I'll go and accost him. Save you, Menaechmus.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

The Gods bless you, whoever you are. ⋯

CYLINDRUS

⋯ who I am?

MESSENIO

I' faith, not I, indeed.

CYLINDRUS

Where are the other guests?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

What guests are you enquiring about?

CYLINDRUS

Your Parasite.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

My Parasite? Surely this fellow's deranged.

MESSENIO

Didn't I tell you that there were many swindlers here?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

What Parasite of mine, young man, are you enquiring about?

CYLINDRUS

Peniculus.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

⋯ Where is my ⋯?

MESSENIO

See, I've got your sponge

[*] [Peniculus] all safe in the wallet.

CYLINDRUS

Menaechmus, you've come here too soon for breakfast; I'm but now returning with the provisions.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Answer me this, young man: at what price do pigs sell here

[*], unblemished ones, for sacrifice?

CYLINDRUS

At a didrachm a-piece.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

holding out his hand. Receive, then, a didrachm of me; bid a sacrifice be made for you at my expense; for, by my faith, I really am sure in very truth that you are deranged, who are annoying me, a person that's a stranger, whoever you are.

CYLINDRUS

I am Cylindrus; don't you know my name?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Whether you are Cylindrus or Caliendrus

[*], confound you. I don't know you, and, in fact, I don't want to know you.

CYLINDRUS

Well, your name, however, is Menaechmus, that I do know.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

You speak like a sane person when you call me by my name. But where have you known me?

CYLINDRUS

Where have I known you, you who have Erotium, this mistress of mine pointing to the house, for your lady?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

By my troth, I have not, nor do I know yourself what person you are.

CYLINDRUS

Not know who I am, who have many a time filled the cups for your own self at our house, when you've been drinking?

MESSENIO

Woe to me, that I've got nothing with which to break this fellow's head.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Are you in the habit of filling the cups for me, who, before this day, have never beheld Epidamnus, nor been there?

CYLINDRUS

Do you deny it?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Upon my honor,, I decidedly do deny it.

CYLINDRUS

Don't you live in that house? Pointing to the house of MENAECHMUS of Epidamnus.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

May the Gods send to perdition those that live there.

CYLINDRUS

Surely, this fellow's mad, who is thus uttering curses against his own self. Do you hear, Menaechmus?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

What do you want?

CYLINDRUS

If you take my advice, that didrachm, which you just now promised to give me—you would order, if you were wise, a pig to be procured with it for yourself. For, i' faith, you really for sure are not in your senses, Menaechmus, who are now uttering curses against your own self.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Alas! By my faith, a very silly fellow, and an annoyance to me.

CYLINDRUS

to MESSENIO. He's in the habit of often joking with me in this fashion. How very droll he is, when his wife isn't present. How say you—?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

What do you mean, you rascal?

CYLINDRUS

pointing to the basket. Has this that you see been provided in sufficient quantity for three persons, or am I to provide still more for yourself and the Parasite and the lady?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

What ladies—what Parasites are you talking about?

MESSENIO

What, you villain, urges you to be an annoyance to him?

CYLINDRUS

Pray what business have you with me? I don't know you; I'm talking to this person, whom I do know.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

By my troth, you are not a person in his right senses, that I know for sure.

CYLINDRUS

I'll have these things cooked directly; there shall be no delay. Don't you be going after this anywhere at a distance from the house. Do you want anything?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

You to go to utter and extreme perdition.

CYLINDRUS

I' faith, 'twere better for you to go in-doors at once and take your place, while I'm subjecting these things to the strength of the fire

[*]. I'll go in-doors now, and tell Erotium that you are standing here, that she may fetch you away hence, rather than you be standing here out of doors. He goes into the house.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Is he gone then? He is gone. By my faith, I find by experience that your words are not untrue.

MESSENIO

Do you only be on your guard; for I do believe that some woman in the harlot line is living here, as, in fact. this madman said, who has just gone away from here.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

But I wonder how he came to know my name.

MESSENIO

I' faith, 'tis far from surprising: courtesans have this custom; they send servant-boys and servant-girls down to the harbour; if any foreign ship comes into port, they enquire of what country it is, and what its name is; after that, at once they set themselves to work, and fasten themselves upon him; if they inveigle him, they send him home a ruined man. Now in this harbour there stands a piratical craft, against which I really think that we must be on our guard.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I' troth, you really counsel aright.

MESSENIO

Then, in fine, shall I be sure that I've counselled aright, if you are rightly on your guard.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Be silent for a moment, then; for the door makes a noise. Let's see who's coming out from there.

MESSENIO

Meanwhile, I'll lay this down. He puts down the wallet. Do you keep watch upon these things, if you please, you sailors

[*].

EROTIUM

speacking to her SERVANTS within. Leave the door ajar[*] thus; begone. I don't want it shut: prepare, attend, and provide within; what is requisite, let it be done. Lay down the couches, burn the perfumes; neatness, that is the charm for the minds of lovers. Our agreableness is for the lover's loss, for our own gain. To herself. But where is he whom the Cook said was in front of the house? O, I see him there—one who is of service to me, and who profits me very much. And right willingly is such usage shown to him, as he deserves to be of especial importance in my house. Now I'll accost him; I'll address him of my own accord. To MENAECHMUS. My dear life, it seems wonderful to me that you are standing here out of doors, for whom the door is wide open, more so than your own house, inasmuch as this house is at your service. Everything's ready as you requested and as you desired; nor have you now any delay in-doors. The breakfast, as you ordered, is prepared here; when you please, you may go and take your place.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

To whom is this woman addressing herself?

EROTIUM

Why, I'm talking to yourself.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

What business have I ever had with you, or have I now?

EROTIUM

Troth, inasmuch as Venus has willed that you singly above all I should exalt; and that not without your deserving it. For, by my faith, you alone make me, by your kindnesses, to be thriving.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

For sure this woman is either mad or drunk, Messemo, that addresses me, a person whom she knows not in so familiar a way.

MESSENIO

Didn't I say that these things are in the habit of occurring here? The leaves are falling now; in comparison with this, if we shall be here for three days, the trees will be tumbling upon you. For to such a degree are all these Courtesans wheedlers out of one's money. But only let me address her. Harkye, woman, I'm speaking to you.

EROTIUM

What's the matter?

MESSENIO

Where have you yourself known this person?

EROTIUM

In that same place where he has known me for this long time, in Epidamnus.

MESSENIO

In Epidamnus? A man who, until this day, has never put a foot here inside of this city.

EROTIUM

Heyday! You are making fun, my dear Menaechmus. But, prithee, why not go in? There, it will be more suitable for you.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I' faith, this woman really does address me rightly by my name. I wonder very much what's the meaning of this business.

MESSENIO

aside. That purse that you are carrying has been smelt out by her.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

aside. I' faith, and rightly have you put me in mind. Take it, then; I'll know now whether she loves myself or the purse most. Gives him the purse.

EROTIUM

Let's go in the house to breakfast.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

You invite me kindly; so far, my thanks.

EROTIUM

Why then did you bid me a while since prepare a breakfast for you?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I, bid you prepare?

EROTIUM

Certainly you did, for yourself and your Parasite.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

A plague, what Parasite? Surely this woman isn't quite right in her senses.

EROTIUM

Peniculus.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Who is this Peniculus The one with which the shoes are wiped clean

[*]?

EROTIUM

Him, I mean, who came with you a while ago, when you brought me the mantle which you purloined from your wife.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

What do you mean? I, gave you a mantle, which I purloined from my wife? Are you in your senses? Surely this woman dreams standing, after the manner of a gelding

[*].

EROTIUM

Why does it please you to hold me in ridicule, and to deny to me things that have been done by you?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Tell me what it is that I deny after having done it?

EROTIUM

That you to-day gave me your wife's mantle.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Even still do I deny it. Indeed, I never had a wife, nor have I one; nor have I ever set my foot here within the city gate since I was born. I breakfasted on board ship; thence did I come this way, and here I met you.

EROTIUM

See that now; I'm undone, wretched creature that I am! What ship are you now telling me about?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

A wooden one, weather-beaten full oft, cracked full oft, many a time thumped with mallets. Just as the implements of the furrier

[*]; so peg is close to peg.

EROTIUM

Now, prithee, do leave off making fun of me, and step this way with me.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

⋯ for, madam, you are looking for some other person, I know not whom, not me.

EROTIUM

Don't I know you, Menaechmus, the son of your father Moschus, who are said to have been born in Sicily, at Syracuse, where King Agathocles reigned, and after him Pintia

[*], the third Liparo, who at his death left the kingdom to Hiero—which Hiero is now king?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

You say, madam, what is not untrue.

MESSENIO

By Jupiter, hasn't this woman come from there, who knows you so readily? ⋯

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

apart. Troth, I think she must not be denied.

MESSENIO

apart. Don't you do it. You are undone, if you enter inside her threshold.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

apart. But you only hold your tongue ⋯ The matter goes on well. I shall assent to the woman, whatever she shall say, if I can get some entertainment. Just now, madam speaking to her in a low voice, I contradicted you not undesignedly; I was afraid of that fellow, lest he might carry word to my wife about the mantle and the breakfast. Now, when you please, let's go in-doors.

EROTIUM

Are you going to wait for the Parasite as well?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I'm neither going to wait for him, nor do I care a straw for him, nor, if he should come, do I want him to be admitted in-doors.

EROTIUM

By my faith, I shall do that not at all reluctantly. But do you know what I beg you to do?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Only command me what you will.

EROTIUM

For you to take that mantle which you gave me just now to the embroiderer's

[*], that it may be trimmed again, and that some work may be added which I want.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I' faith, you say what's right; in such a way shall it be disguised that my wife shan't know that you are wearing it, if she should see you in the street.

EROTIUM

Then take it away with you just now, when you go away.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

By all means.

EROTIUM

Let's go in-doors. Goes into her house.

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

I'll follow you this instant; I only wish to speak to this person. So, there! Messenio, step to me this way.

MESSENIO

What's the matter?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

Listen.

MESSENIO

What need for it?

MENAECHMUS SOSICLES

There is need, I know what you'll say to me—