Captivi: The Captives (755-831)

still would they have been leading me by the bridle with their tricks. Now am I resolved henceforth never to trust any person in anything. This once I have been deceived enough; I did hope, to my sorrow, that I had rescued my son from slavery. That hope has forsaken me. I lost one son,

whom, a child in his fourth year, a slave stole from me; and, indeed, never since have I found either slave or son; the elder one has fallen in the hands of the enemy. What guilt is this of mine? As though I had become the father of children for the purpose of being childless. (To AISTOPHONTES.) Follow this way. I’ll conduct you back where you were.

I’m determined to have pity upon no one, since no one has pity upon me.

Forth from my chains with evil omen did I come; now I perceive that with like ill omen to my bonds I must return.

Supreme Jove! thou dost preserve me, and dost augment my means. Plenty, extreme and sumptuous, dost thou present to me;

celebrity, profit, enjoyment, mirth, festivity, holidays, sights, provisions, carousings, abundance, joyousness. And to no man have I now determined with myself to go a-begging; for I’m able either to profit my friend or to destroy my enemy, to such extent has this delightful day heaped delights upon me in its delightfulness.

I have lighted upon a most rich inheritance without incumbrances.[*] Now will I wend my way to this old gentleman Hegio, to whom I am carrying blessings as great as he himself prays for from the Gods, and even greater. Now, this is my determination, in the same fashion that the slaves of Comedy[*] are wont, so will I throw my cloak around my neck, that from me, the first of all, he may learn this matter.

And I trust that I, by reason of this news, shall find provision up to the end.

The more that I revolve this matter in my breast, the more is my uneasiness of mind increased. That I should have been duped in this fashion to-day! and that I wasn’t able to see through it!

When this shall be known, then I shall be laughed at all over the city. The very moment that I shall have reached the Forum, all will be saying, This is that clever old gentleman, who had the trick played him. But is this Ergasilus, that I see coming at a distance? Surely he has got his cloak gathered up; what, I wonder, is he going to do?

Throw aside from you all tardiness, Ergasilus, and speed on this business. I threaten, and I strictly charge no person to stand in my way, unless any one shall be of opinion that he has lived long enough. For whoever does come in my way, shall stop me upon his face.

This fellow’s beginning to box.

I’m determined to do it; so that every one may pursue his own path,

let no one be bringing any of his business in this street; for my fist is a balista, my arm is my catapulta, my shoulder a battering-ram; then against whomsoever I dart my knee, I shall bring him to the ground. I’ll make all persons to be picking up their teeth[*], whomsoever I shall meet with.

What threatening is this? For I cannot wonder enough.

I’ll make him always to remember this day and place, and myself as well. Whoever stops me upon my road, I’ll make him put a stop to his own existence.

What great thing is this fellow preparing to do, with such mighty threats?

I first give notice, that no one, by reason of his own fault, may be caught—keep yourselves in-doors at home, and guard yourselves from my attack.

By my faith, ‘tis strange if he hasn’t got this boldness by means of his stomach. Woe to that wretched man, through whose cheer this fellow has become quite swaggering.

Then the bakers, that feed swine, that fatten their pigs upon refuse bran, through the stench of which no one can pass by a baker’s shop; if I see the pig of any one of them in the public way,

I’ll beat the bran out of the masters’ themselves with my fists.

Royal and imperial edicts does he give out. The fellow is full; he certainly has his boldness from his stomach.

Then the fishmongers, who supply stinking fish to the public—who are carried about on a gelding, with his galloping galling pace[*]—

the stench of whom drives all the loungers in the Basilica[*] into the Forum, I’ll bang their heads with their bulrush fish-baskets, that they may understand what annoyance they cause to the noses of other people. And then the butchers, as well, who render the sheep destitute of their young—who agree with you about killing lamb[*], and then offer you lamb at double the price—

who give the name of wether mutton to a ram—if I should only see that ram in the public way, I’ll make both ram and owner most miserable beings.

Well done! He really does give out edicts fit for an Aedile, and ‘tis indeed a surprising thing if the Aetolians haven’t made him inspector of markets[*].

No Parasite now am I, but a right royal king of kings; so large a stock of provision for my stomach is there at hand in the harbour. But why delay to overwhelm this old gentleman Hegio with gladness? With him, not a person among mankind exists equally fortunate.

What joy is this, that he, thus joyous, is going to impart to me?

Hallo, hallo!—where are you? Is any one coming to open this door?

This fellow’s betaking himself to my house to dine.