Asinaria, or The Ass-Dealer (544-592b)

Mother, you have given birth to a daughter obedient to your commands.

Great praise and thanks we give deservedly to perfidy, when relying upon our tricks, our stratagems, and our devices, upon our confidence in our shoulder-blades and the hardihood resulting from the elm-twigs so oft applied, against the whips, the searing-irons, the crosses, and the fetters,

the cords, the chains, the prisons, the stocks, the shackles, the collars, and taskmasters most cruel and well acquainted with our backs, who many a time before have imprinted[*] scars upon our shoulder-blades; by conquering, now, these legions, troops and armies of thieves,

by our prowess, through our perjuries, O brave, have we gained the victory. This, through the valour of this comrade of mine, and through my own courtesy, has been brought about.

What man is there more firm than myself at enduring stripes?

By the powers, you who can extol your exploits now, as I can do exploits, which in peace and in warfare you have so — villanously performed;

verily, in troth, many in number may they be now recounted according to your deserts; where you have defrauded him that trusted you, where you have proved faithless to your master, where knowingly and wilfully you have on solemn oath been perjured, where you have bored through party walls, where you have been detected in theft, where you have full oft pleaded your cause, as you hung up, against eight

clever, hardened fellows[*], sturdy stripers.

Certainly I do admit, Leonida, that it is true as you say. But verily, in troth, your many misdeeds, too, may be recounted as well and truly; where wilfully you have proved faithless to the trusting, where you have been detected in theft and scourged in public,

where you have proved forsworn, where you have laid hands on sacred things, where to your masters you have full oft proved a loss, a trouble, and a disgrace, where you have stoutly denied that that was given to you which had been entrusted to you, where you have proved more faithful to your wench than to your friend, where through your hardihood you have frequently reduced to weariness eight

sturdy lictors, armed with pliant twigs of elm. (To the AUDIENCE.) Is the compliment ill repaid in the way that I’ve praised my comrade?

Just as befits both me and yourself, and our dispositions.

Now drop this, and answer me this that I ask.

Enquire of me what you please.

Have you got the twenty silver minae?

Guess —

Upon my word, the old gentleman Demaenetus, has been very obliging to us. How cleverly he pretended that I was Saurea. With the greatest difficulty did I withhold my laughter, when he rebuked the stranger, because in his absence he had been unwilling to put confidence in me; and with what readiness did he call me Saurea the chamberlain.

Stop a moment.

What’s the matter?

Isn’t this Philenium that’s coming from in-doors, and Argyrippus with her.

Keep silence, ’tis he; let’s listen quietly to them.

In tears, she holds him, weeping, by the lappet of his garment; what, I wonder, am I to say is the matter?

Let’s listen in silence.

Dear me, a thought, I’ faith, has just come into my mind; I very much wish I had a long stick here.

For what reason?

With which to beat these asses[*], if perchance they should begin to bray out here, from within the bag.

Why are you holding me back?

Because, as I love you, I cannot bear your departing.

Farewell.

I should fare somewhat better, if you were to remain here.