Asinaria, or The Ass-Dealer (288-326)

This fellow’s looking out for an accomplice, to unite with himself in a bad design. I don’t like it: ’tis a portentous sign that instant, when a person trembles that sweats[*].

But why, as I hasten, do I loiter here with my feet, and make myself so bounteous with my tongue? Why don’t I bid it be quiet, that in its talkativeness is wearing out the day?

Upon my faith, an unfortunate man, to check his patroness; for if he has done anything roguishly, his tongue perjures itself in his behalf.

I’ll make haste, lest I should be providing a safe keeping for my spoil too late.

What spoil is this? I’ll go meet him, and enquire what it is. (He accosts him.) I wish you health in as loud a voice as my strength admits of.

Exerciser of the whip, health to you.

Keeper of the gaol, how do you do?

Ha! colonizer of the chains.

Ha! delight of the scourges.

When naked, how many pounds do you say you are in weight?

Upon my faith, I don’t know.

I know that you don’t know; but, i’ faith, I who have weighed you do know. Tied up naked, you were a hundred pounds in weight, when you were hanging with your feet downwards.

On what evidence is that?

I’ll tell you on what evidence, and in what way. When you are tied up with a full hundred pounds to your feet[*], when the manacles are fastened to your hands, and tied to the beam,

you are weighing neither more nor less, than as being a worthless and good-for-nothing fellow.

Woe be to you!

That, Servitude bequeaths to you by her will.

I wish this skirmishing of words to be cut short. What matter is this?

Am I sure in trusting you?

You may, without hesitation.

If you wish to assist our master’s son in his amour,

there is so much of a good opportunity on a sudden, but still mingled with evil—all the hangman’s days will be rendered famous by ourselves. Libanus, now have we occasion to find some boldness and inventiveness. An exploit so great have I thought of just now, that we two may be pronounced the most deserving of all for torture to befall us.

’Twas on that account I was wondering why my shoulder-blades were aching just now, which were beginning to prognosticate that there was some danger for them at home. Whatever it is, speak out.

’Tis great booty with great risk.

If indeed all persons by compact were to collect all the tortures, I have, I fancy, a back at home, so that I need not seek it out of doors.

If you maintain such firmness of resolve, then we are all right.

Why, if the matter were to be atoned for by my back, I could wish to seize the public money: I’ll persist in my denial, and I’ll endure all; in fine, I’ll forswear myself.

Ah! that’s true valour, when occasion is, for one to endure misfortune with boldness. He that endures misfortune with boldness, that man afterwards enjoys good fortune.

Why don’t you tell the matter at once? I’m longing to tempt the scourge.

Ask deliberately each particular then, that I may rest me. Don’t you see that I’m still out of breath with running?