On Unbelievable Stories (35-39)

Among the other foolish things people say is that the first race of humans was born from ash trees [meliai]. But I think it is not possible for humans to be born from wood.

Rather, there was a man called Melios, after whom were named the Meliai [‘daughters of Melios’], just as the Hellenes were named after Hellen and the Ionians were named after Ion. But that whole family line perished and the name was lost. Likewise, the races of iron and bronze never existed, but are made-up nonsense.

The same thing happened with regard to Heracles. It is said that he had leaves on his body....[*] And so Philoites …[*] the first individual to invent this method, burnt [the wounds] and returned him to health. The story was elaborated from this actual event.

What’s said about Ketos [‘the sea monster’] is that he would periodically emerge from the sea at Troy. If they gave it girls to eat, it would go away, but if they didn’t, it would ravage their land. But it’s naive for people to make pacts with fish – who doesn’t know that?

This is what happened. There was a great king – very powerful and with a large navy – who subjugated the whole coast of Asia. Those subjugated to him paid taxes which they called ‘tribute’. The people of that time did not use currency but paid in goods. From some cities he demanded horses, from others, cattle, and from others, girls. This king’s name was actually Keton, but those who could not speak Greek called him ‘Ketos’. He would sail around demanding the tribute at the appointed time and destroy the land of whoever did not hand it over.

At one of these times, Heracles arrived at Troy with an army of Greeks. King Laomedon paid him to help the Trojans. Keton unloaded his troops and advanced on foot. When Heracles and Laomedon, each with his own army, met him in battle, they killed him. And the myth was fabricated from this event.

It is said about the Lernaian Hydra that it was a snake with fifty heads but one body, and that whenever Heracles cut off one of its heads, two more would grow. It is also said that Crab came to the rescue of the Hydra and that on that occasion Iolaos aided Heracles, seeing as Crab was aiding the Hydra. If anyone believes that such a thing existed, they’re a fool: the image is laughable! And why, whenever Heracles cut off one of the heads, was he not devoured by the others and consumed by pain?

Something like this must have happened. Lernos was the king of this region and it took its name from him. (At that time, everyone there lived in small villages; this is now Argive territory.) In those days there existed the cities of Argos, Mycenae, Tiryns, [*] and Lerna, and a king was appointed to each. The other kings were subject to Eurystheus, son of Persues’ son Sthenelos, as he had the greatest and most populous territory, that of Mycenae. But Lernos had no desire to be subject to him, and this is why they went to war. There was then, on a pass that gave access to Lernos, a formidable fort. It was guarded by fifty brave bowmen who manned a tower unceasingly, day and night. The name of this fort was Hydra.

Eurystheus sent Heracles to conquer the fort. Heracles’ men began to attack the archers with fiery missiles, but whenever any one of them was struck and fell, two would step up in his place, following the brave example of the fallen man. Since Lernos almost besieged by Heracles, he hired Carian mercenaries. There arrived a tall and warlike man named Carcinos [‘Crab’] at the head of the army. With his help, they held out against Heracles.

Then Iolaos, son of Iphicles and Heracles’ nephew, arrived to help out with an army from Thebes. He approached Hydra and set fire to the regenerating tower. And thus, with this force, Heracles conquered the Lernaians: he defeated Hydra and destroyed the army. This is the event that they wrote up with the Hydra as a snake, and so fabricated the myth.

What is said about Cerberos is that he was a dog with three heads. It is clear that, just like Geryon, he too was from the city called Trihead and so people would say, That’s a large and handsome Triheaded hound! It is said that Heracles led him up out of Hades: such a myth!

What happened was something like this. Guarding his cattle Geryon had two large, spirited dogs whose names were Cerberos and Orthos. Orthos was done away with by Heracles in Trihead after he had rounded up the cattle. Cerberos, meanwhile, went along with the herd. Wanting the dog, a Mycenaean man by the name of Molottos first asked Eurystheus to give him the dog. After Eurystheus refused, Molottos persuaded the herdsmen to let him keep the dog penned up in a cave on Cape Tainaron in Laconia. Because Cerberos sired excellent offspring, he would lower down female dogs for him to mount.

Eurystheus sent Heracles on the hunt for the dog. Having wandered the whole Peloponnese, he arrived at the place where he had been tipped off that the dog was to be found. He descended into the cave and led the dog out. And so people would say, Having descended through a cave into Hades, Heracles led the dog up out of there.