The Purist Purized (1-2)

Lycinus Are you the man whose scent is so keen for a blunder, and who is himself blunder-proof?

Purist I think I may say so.

Lycinus I suppose one must be blunder-proof, to detect the man who is not so?

Purist Assuredly.

Lycinus Do I understand that you are proof?

Purist How could I call myself educated, if I made blunders at my age?

Lycinus Well, shall you be able to detect a culprit, and convict him if he denies it?

Purist Of course I shall.

Lycinus Catch me out, then; I will make one just now.

Purist Say on.

Lycinus Why, the deed is done, and you have missed it.

Purist You are joking, of course?

Lycinus No, upon my honour. The blunder is made, and you none the wiser. Well, try again; but you are not infallible on these sort of things.

Purist Well?

Lycinus Again, the blunder made, and you unconscious.

Purist How can that be, before you have opened your lips?

Lycinus Oh yes, I opened them, and to a blunder; but you never see them. I quite doubt you seeing this one even.

Purist Well, there is something very queer about it if I do not know a solecism when I hear it.

Lycinus One begins to doubt, when a man has missed three.

Purist Three? What do you mean?

Lycinus A complete triolet of them.

Purist You are certainly joking.

Lycinus And you are as certainly a poor detective.

Purist If you were to say something, one might have a chance.

Lycinus Four chances you have had, and no result. It would have been a fine feather in your hat to have got them all.

Purist Nothing fine about it; it is no more than I undertook.

Lycinus Why, there you are again!

Purist Again?

Lycinus ‘Feather in your hat’?!

Purist I don’t know what you mean.

Lycinus Precisely; you do not know. And now suppose you go first; you do not like following, that is what it is; you understand, if you chose.