Dialogues of the Gods (3.1-3.2)

APOLLO

What can we make of it? Won’t we have to admit that Eros and Hermaphroditus and Priapus,

though sons of the same mother, are utterly different in appearance and habits? Eros is really handsome, and an archer invested with great power, and lord of all. Hermaphroditus is an effeminate pansy, half one thing and half the other in appearance, for you can’t tell whether he’s boy or girl; whereas Priapus is quite indecently masculine.

DIONYSUS

There’s no need to be surprised, Apollo. It’s not Aphrodite’s fault, but the fathers were different. [*] Why, even when the father’s the same, the one mother often has both boys and girls in her family. Take for example your sister and yourself.

APOLLO

Quite so, but we are alike and have the same interests. We’re both archers.

DIONYSUS

The same as far as the bow goes, Apollo, but no farther, for Artemis kills visitors in Scythia, while you are a prophet and healer of the sick.

APOLLO

What? Do you think my sister likes her Scythians? Why, the moment a Greek reaches Taurica, she’s all ready and waiting to sail off with him, in disgust at their human sacrifices. [*]

DIONYSUS

And the best thing she could do. But now as for Priapus—I’ll tell you something really funny. The other day—it was in Lampsacus—I was passing the city, when he invited me home with him, and put me up for the night. Now we’d gone to sleep in his dining-room, after and were pretty well soaked, when about midnight up gets our bold lad—but I’m ashamed to tell you.

APOLLO

And made an attempt on you, Dionysus?

DIONYSUS

Something like that.

APOLLO

How did you deal with the situation?

DIONYSUS

What could I do but laugh?

APOLLO

The best thing too, no bad temper or violence. He’d some excuse for making an attempt on you. You’re so good-looking.

DIONYSUS

As far as that goes, he might make an attempt on you too, Apollo. You’re so handsome and have such a fine head of hair, that he might assault you, even when he was sober.

APOLLO

Oh no, he won’t. I have arrows as well as long hair.