Dialogues of the Gods (13.1-14.1)

What do you want me to do, Zeus? Here I am, as you ordered, all ready with my axe at its sharpest, even if I must chop through stones with a single blow.

That’s grand, Hephaestus. Now, down with it on my head and cut it in two. [*]

Are you trying to see if I’m mad? Tell me what you really want me to do.

You heard. I want my skull split. If you don’t obey, I’ll be angry—and you know what that’s like already. [*] Hit away with all your might. Come on, hurry up. The birth-pangs shooting through my brain are killing me.

Take care, Zeus, or I may hurt you. My axe is sharp. You’ll find her a midwife that draws blood and quite different from Ilithyia. [*]

Hit away, Hephaestus. Don’t be afraid; I know what’s good for me.

All right, here goes. How can I help it, when it’s your orders? Hullo, what’s this? A girl in armour? [*] That was no small trouble you had in your head. No wonder you were short-tempered, breeding a big girl like that in your brain—and her with armour into the bargain. It wasn’t a head you had but a barracks, though we didn’t know it. She’s leaping up and down in a war-dance, shaking her shield and poising her spear, full of the spirit of battle; and, most wonderful of all, see how good-looking and grown-up she’s become in this short time; she’s got grey eyes, but they go very well with her helmet. So, Zeus, pay me for my services as midwife, by betrothing her to me this minute.

That’s impossible. She’ll want to remain single for ever, though for my part I’ve no objection to your request.

That’s all I wanted to hear. Leave the rest to me. I’ll be off with her right away.

Do so, if you can manage it, but I know that what you want is impossible.

Zeus says you’re not to go out driving today, Mr. Sun-god, or tomorrow or the next day. You’ve to stay at home, and all that time’s to be one long night; so the Hours [*] can unyoke your horses, and you can put out your fire and have a nice long rest.

A strange message you’ve brought, Hermes. Why, I’ve never heard the like of it! He doesn’t think I’ve been going off my course and breaking bounds, does he? He’s not annoyed with me, that he’s decided to make the night three times as long as the day?

Not a bit of it. This won’t go on for ever; but for this once, it’s his personal wish that he should get a longer night at this time.

Where is he? Where were you sent from with this message?

From Boeotia, Mr. Sun, from Amphitryon’s wife. [*] He’s been keeping company with her. He’s in love with her.

Isn’t one night enough, then?

Not at all. From this romance must come one who is mighty and fit for many labours; so they can’t do justice to him in a single night.