Dialogues of the Dead (21.3-22.2)

DIOGENES

And a good thing too! We never had such thoughts about each other, when we were alive. I never prayed for the death of Antisthenes, so that I could inherit his staff—though he had a very strong one that he had made for himself from the wild olive—nor did you, Crates, I imagine, wish that I should die and leave you my property, the tub and the bag with its two measures of lupines.

CRATES

No, I didn’t need any of these things; but neither did you, Diogenes. All that was needful you inherited from Antisthenes and I from you—things far more important and august than the Persian empire.

DIOGENES

What things do you mean?

CRATES

Wisdom, independence, truth, plain speaking, freedom.

DIOGENES

Good heavens, yes. I remember taking over these riches from Antisthenes, and leaving you them in still greater measure.

CRATES

But no one else cared for wealth of this sort, or paid us attentions in the hope of inheriting it from us; it was gold on which they all had their eyes.

DIOGENES

Only to be expected; they had nowhere to put such a legacy from us. They were falling apart from rich living, and were like rotten purses; and so no sooner did one put wisdom or plain speech or truth into them, than it would fall out through a hole, for the bottom couldn’t hold it. It was just like what happens to those daughters of Danaus here, as they pour water into that jar full of holes. But their gold they would keep safe with teeth or nails or any means in their power.

CRATES

In consequence we shall retain our wealth even down here, but they will bring with them no more than an obol, and even that won’t go beyond the ferryman.

DIOGENES

Seeing that we’ve nothing to do, Antisthenes and Crates, why don’t we make straight for the entrance, to have a walk around, and see what the newcomers are like, and how each of them acts?

ANTISTHENES

Let’s do that, Diogenes. It will be a pleasant sight to see some of them weeping, others begging to be let go, and some most reluctant to come down, resisting, though Hermes pushes them along head foremost, lying on their backs, and bracing their bodies against him. Quite unnecessary behaviour!

CRATES

Then I’ll tell you what I saw on my way down.

DIOGENES

Do tell us, Crates. It looks as though what you saw was really amusing.

CRATES

We had quite a crowd with us on our way down, but the most distinguished were our rich countryman [*] Ismenodorus, Arsaces, governor of Media, and Oroetes the Armenian. Well, Ismenodorus, who’d been killed by bandits on his way past Cithaeron to

Eleusis, I believe, was groaning, holding his wound with both hands, and calling upon the young children he had left behind, reproaching himself for his rashness in only bringing two servants when crossing Cithaeron and passing the district round Eleutherae, when it had been desolated by the wars, although he was taking five golden bowls and four cups with him.