The Scythian or Consul (11-15)

I haven’t time, Lycinus, to talk with you about this; I’m in a hurry to hear his lecture, or I may be left completely behind before I know it.

Cheer up, old man! A truce has been proclaimed today. I can save you what still remains of your journey.

What do you mean?

That you won’t find him now, if we can believe the notice; a little board was hanging on the gate with “No Philosophy Lecture Today” on it in large letters. They said that he had dinner yesterday at the house of the great Eucrates, who was throwing a party for his daughter’s birthday. He talked a lot of philosophy during the party and grew cross with Euthydemus the Peripatetic, disputing their usual arguments against the Stoics. The party, they say, stretched out till midnight and the din brought on a wretched headache and made him sweat a good deal. At the same time he had drunk too much, I fancy, in the general toasting and had dined too well for his age; so when he got back home, it was said, he was very sick. He waited only to count carefully and lock up the pieces of meat he had given to the servant who had stood behind him at table, and has been sleeping ever since, having given orders to let no one in. I heard his servant Midas telling this to some of his pupils who were themselves just coming away, quite a crowd.

Who won the argument, Lycinus, my teacher or Euthydemus? Did Midas say anything to this effect?

At first, it seems, they were level, but in the end victory was on the side of you Stoics, and the old man was well in front. At any rate they say that Euthydemus didn’t get away unscathed: he was badly wounded in the head. You see he was pretentious and argumentative and wouldn’t be convinced and didn’t show himself ready to take criticism, so your excellent teacher hit him with a cup as big as Nestor’s [*] which he had in his hand (he was lying quite near him), and so he won.

Well done! That’s just how to treat those who won’t give way to their betters!

Very reasonable, Hermotimus. What possessed Euthydemus to irritate an old man so placid and a master of his temper, who had such a heavy cup in his hand?

But now we have time to spare why don’t you tell a friend how you first took up philosophy? I myself, if it is still possible, could then begin there and join you all on the road. You are my friends and of course won’t shut me out.

I wish you would, Lycinus! You will soon see how much better you will be than the rest of mankind. Children you will think them all, mere children compared with you with your intellect so superior.

Good enough, if after twenty years I could be as you are now.

Don’t worry. I myself was about your age when I began to study philosophy, about forty—as old as you are now I imagine.

Exactly that, Hermotimus. So take and lead me too along the same path—that would be only right. First of all tell me this: do you allow learners to argue if they disagree with something, or is this not allowed to the young?

No, it is not allowed at all. But you, if you like, may ask questions and make criticisms as we go along. You will learn more easily that way.

Good, Hermotimus—by Hermes who gives you your name.

Now tell me, is there one way only to philosophy, the one you Stoics follow? I have heard there are many other schools as well. Is that right?

Very many—the Peripatetics, Epicureans, those who take Plato as their patron, others also, the devotees of Diogenes and Antisthenes, Pythagoreans, and more besides.

True, there are many. Is what they say the same, Hermotimus, or different?

Quite different.

At all events, one of their systems, I suppose, is true? They can’t all be true if they differ.

No, they can’t.

Now be a true friend and tell me this: when you first set out to study philosophy, many doors were open to you; you passed by the others and came to the Stoic door; you deigned to enter through that door on the way to Virtue, thinking it the only true one which revealed the straight path; the rest led into blind alleys. Now what was your reason for this? What at that time made you certain? Please do not think of yourself as you are now, for, half-wise or wise, you can now make better judgments than we who are many. Answer as the layman you then were and I am now.

I don’t see your point, Lycinus.

My question was not very complicated really. There have been many philosophers—Plato, Aristotle, Antisthenes, and your own predecessors, Chrysippus, Zeno, and the rest. Now, what persuaded you to leave the rest alone and choose to base your studies on the particular one you did? Did Apollo send you back from Delphi, like Chaerephon, [*] with his word that the Stoic school was best of all and you should go there? He has a habit of sending different people to different philosophies; he knows the one that suits each person best, I suppose.

It wasn’t like that, Lycinus. I never even asked Apollo about it.

Did you think it not worth consulting the god about, or did you think you could make the better choice on your own without his help?

I did think so.