The Runaways (21-25)

The unschooled, seeing all this, now spit scornfully at philosophy, thinking that all of us are like this and blaming me for my teachings, so that for a long time now it has been impossible for me to win over a single one of them. I am in the same fix as Penelope,[*] for truly all that I weave is instantly unravelled again; and Stupidity and Wrongdoing laugh in my face to see that I cannot bring my work to completion and my toil to an end.

ZEUS Ye gods! what treatment our dear Philosophy has had from those scoundrels! It is high time, then, to see what is to be done and how they are to be punished. Well, the thunderbolt despatches at a single blow, and the death is a swift one.

APOLLO I will offer you a suggestion, father, for I myself have come to detest the knaves; the Muses mean nothing to them, so I am indignant on behalf of the Nine. Those fellows are by no means worthy of a thunderbolt or of that right hand of yours. Send Hermes down to get after them, if you think best, with unlimited powers in the matter of their punishment. As he himself is interested in argumentation, he will very soon know those who are genuine students of philosophy and those who are not. Then he will commend the former, naturally, and the latter will be punished as he sees fit in the circumstances.

ZEUS A good idea, Apollo. But you go too, Heracles; take along Philosophy herself and all be off, as quickly as you can, to the world. Bear in mind that you will be doing a thirteenth labour of no mean order if you exterminate such pestilential, shameless beasts.

HERACLES On my word, father, I should have preferred to clean out the muck of Augeas once more, rather than to get involved with these creatures. Let us be off, however.

HERMES Let us be going down, so that we may exterminate at least a few of them to-day. What direction should we take, Philosophy? You know where they are. In Greece, no doubt?

PHILOSOPHY Not by any means, or only a few, those who are genuine students of philosophy, Hermes. These others have no use for Attic poverty; we must look for them in some quarter where much gold or silver is mined.

HERMES Then we must make straight for Thrace.

HERACLES Quite right, and indeed I will show you the way, as I know the whole of Thrace from repeated visits. So, if you please, let us now take this direction.

HERMES What direction do you mean?

HERACLES Do you see two ranges, Hermes and Philosophy, the highest and most beautiful of all mountains (the higher is Haemus, the one opposite is Rhodope), and a plain of great fertility outspread beneath them, beginning at the very foothills of each? Also,

HERMES Yes, by Zeus, Heracles, the greatest and loveliest of all cities! In fact, its beauty is radiant from afar. And also, a very large river flows past it, coming quite close to it.

HERACLES That is the Hebrus, and the city was built by the famous Philip.[*] We are now close to earth and the clouds are above us, so let us make a landing, with the blessing of Heaven.