On Salaried Posts in Great Houses (27-28)

You are annoyed, indeed, by many things, a great many, almost everything; most of all when your favour is rivalled by a cinaedus or a dancing-master or an Alexandrian dwarf who recites Ionics.[*], How could you be on a par, though, with those who render these services to passion and carry notes about in their clothing? So, couched in a far corner of the dining-room and shrinking out of sight for shame, you groan, naturally, and commiserate yourself and carp at Fortune for not besprinkling you with at least a few drops of the amenities. You would be glad, I think, to become a composer of

erotic ditties, or at all events to be able to sing them properly when somebody else had composed them: for you see where precedence and favour go! You would put up with it if you had to act the part of a magician or a soothsayer, one of those fellows who promise legacies amounting to many thousands, governorships, and tremendous riches; you see that they too get on well in their friendships and are highly valued. So you would be glad to adopt one of those réles in order not to be entirely despicable and useless; but even in them, worse luck, you are not convincing. Therefore you must needs be humble and suffer in silence, with stifled groans and amid neglect.

If a whispering servant accuse you of being the only one who did not praise the mistress’s page when he danced or played, there is no little risk in the thing. So you must raise your thirsty voice like a stranded frog, taking pains to be conspicuous among the claque and to lead the chorus; and often when the others are silent you must independently let drop a well-considered word of praise that will convey great flattery.

That a man who is famished, yes, and athirst, should be perfumed with myrrh and have a wreath on his head is really rather laughable, for then you are like the gravestone of an ancient corpse that is getting a feast to his memory. They drench the stones with myrrh and crown them with wreaths, and then they themselves enjoy the food and drink that has been prepared!