On Salaried Posts in Great Houses (15-16)

As though you had entered the mansion of Zeus, you admire everything and are amazed at all that is done, for everything is strange and unfamiliar to you. The servants stare at you, and everybody in the company keeps an eye on you to see what you are going to do. Even the rich man himself is not without concern on this score; he has previously directed some of the servants to watch whether you often gaze from afar at his sons or his wife. The attendants of your fellow-guests, seeing that you are impressed, crack jokes about your unfamiliarity with what is doing and conjecture

that you have never before dined anywhere because your napkin is new.[*] As is natural, then, you inevitably break out in a cold sweat for perplexity; you do not dare to ask for something to drink when you are thirsty for fear of being thought a toper, and you do not know which of the dishes that have been put before you in great variety, made to be eaten in a definite order, you should put out your hand to get first, or which second; so you will be obliged to cast stealthy glances at your neighbour, copy him, and find out the proper sequence of the dinner.

In general, you are in a chaotic state and your soul is full of agitation, for you are lost in amazement at everything that goes on. Now you call Dives lucky for his gold and his ivory and all his luxury, and now you pity yourself for imagining that you are alive when you are really nothing at all. Sometimes, too, it comes into your head that you are going to lead an enviable life, since you will revel in all that and share in it equally; you expect to enjoy perpetual Bacchic revels. Perhaps, too, pretty boys waiting upon you and faintly smiling at you paint the picture of your future life in more attractive colours, so that you are forever quoting that line of Homer:

Small blame to the fighters of Troy and the brightgreaved men of Achaea[*]

Iliad3, 156 that they endure great toil and suffering for such happiness as this. Then come the toasts, and, calling for a large bowl, he drinks your health, addressing you as “the professor” or whatever it may be. You take the bowl, but because of inexperience you do not know that you should say something in reply, and you get a bad name for boorishness.