The Parasite: a Demonstration that Sponging is a Profession (21-25)

Tychiades No doubt about that.

Simon Another point that strikes me is that other arts feel the need of this one, but not vice versa.

Tychiades Well, but is the appropriation of what belongs to others no offence?

Simon Of course it is.

Tychiades Well, the sponger does that; why is he privileged to offend?

Simon Ah, I know nothing about that. But now look here: you know how common and mean are the beginnings of the other arts; that of sponging, on the contrary, is noble. Friendship, that theme of the encomiast, is neither more nor less, you will find, than the beginning of sponging.

Tychiades How do you make that out?

Simon Well, no one asks an enemy, a stranger, or even a mere acquaintance, to dinner; the man must be his friend before he will share bit and sup with him, and admit him to initiation in these sacred mysteries. I know I have often heard people say, Friend, indeed! by what right? he has never eaten or drunk with us. You see; only the-man who has done that is a friend to be trusted.

Next take a sound proof, though not the only one, that it is the most royal of the arts: at the rest of them men have to work (not to mention toil and sweat) in the sitting or standing posture, which marks them for the absolute slaves of their art, whereas the sponger is free to recline like a king.

As to his happy condition, I need no more than allude to the

Again, while knavery and folly are no bar to rhetoric, mathematics, or copper-working, no knave or fool can get on as a sponger.

Tychiades Dear, dear, what an amazing profession! I am almost tempted to exchange my own for it.