The Parasite Tychiades (31-35)

TYCHIADES It seems to me that you have put al] this very well. But how do you prove that philosophy is inferior to your art in other ways?

SIMON Well, it must first be mentioned that no parasite ever fell in love with philosophy; but it is on record that philosophersin great number have been fond of Parasitic, and even to-day they love it!

TYCHIADES Why, what philosophers can you mention that have been eager to play parasite?

SIMON What philosophers, Tychiades? Though you know them yourself, you pretend not to, and try to pull

TYCHIADES No, by Zeus, Simon; I am very much at a loss as to whom you can find to mention.

SIMON My dear fellow, you seem to be unfamiliar with their biographers, as otherwise you would certainly be able to recognize whom I mean.

TYCHIADES Well, anyhow, by Heracles, I long to find out now who they are.

SIMON I shall give you a list of them, and they are not the riff-raff, but in my opinion the best, and those whom you would least expect.

Aeschines the Socratic, the man who wrote the long and witty dialogues, once went to Sicily, taking them with him, in the hope that through them he might be able to get acquainted with Dionysius the tyrant; and after he had read his “Miltiades”’ and was considered to have made a hit, he made himself at home in Sicily from then on, playing parasite to the tyrant and bidding adieu to the haunts of Socrates.

And what about Aristippus of Cyrene? Is he not in your opinion one of the philosophers of distinction?

TYCHIADES Very much so.

SIMON But he too lived in Syracuse at about the same time, playing parasite to Dionysius. In fact, of all

Aristippus, indeed, appears to have been a worthy ornament to the art;

but your most noble Plato also came to Sicily for this purpose, and after being parasite to the tyrant only a few days, was turned out of his place as parasite on account of ineptitude. Then, after going back to Athens and working hard and preparing himself, he cruised once more to Sicily on a second venture, and again, after only a — few days of dining, was turned out on account of stupidity; and this “Sicilian disaster” of Plato’s is considered equal to that of Nicias.

TYCHIADES Why, who tells about this, Simon?

SIMON A great many; among them, Aristoxenus the musician, who deserves great consideration.[*] That Euripides was parasite to Archelaus until he died, and Anaxarchus to Alexander, you surely know.