The Double Indictment (22-24)

Not yet! Let me ask him a few questions.

Yes? I am ready.

You hold toil to be an evil?

I do.

And pleasure a good?

Unquestionably.

Do you recognize the distinction between differentia and indifferentia? between praeposita and rejecta?

Why, certainly.

Madan, this discussion must cease; the jury say they do not understand word-chopping. They will now give their votes,

Who wins?

Unanimous verdict for Pleasure.

1 appeal to Zeus.

By all means. Next case, Hermes.

Luxury v. Virtue, re Aristippus; Aristippus must appear in person.

I ought to speak first. Aristippus is mine; his words and his deeds alike proclaim him mine.

On the contrary, any one who will observe his garlands and his purple robes and his perfumes will agree that he is mine.

Peace! This suit must stand over, until Zeus has decided the appeal re Dionysius. The cases are similar. If Porch wins her appeal, Aristippus shall be adjudged to Virtue: if not, Luxury must have him. Bring the next case. By the way, those jurors must not have their fee; they have not earned it.

So the poor old gentlemen have climbed up all this way for nothing!

Well, they must be content with a third. Now go away, all of you, and don’t be cross; you shall have another chance.

Diogenes of Sinope wanted! Bank, it is for you to speak.

Look here, Madam Justice, if she doesn’t stop bothering, I shall have assault and battery to answer for before long, instead of desertion; my stick is ready.

What is the meaning of this? Bank has run away, and Diogenes after her, with his stick raised. Poor Bank! I am afraid she will be roughly handled. Call Pyrrho.