The Double Indictment (11-15)

JUSTICE

In general, Pan, have they been improved in virtue by the philosophers?

PAN

What do you mean by philosophers? Those gloomy fellows, flocking together, with beards like mine, who talk so much?

JUSTICE

To be sure.

PAN

I do not know at all what they mean and_I do not understand their wisdom, for I am a mountaineer and I have not studied those clever, citified, technical terms, Justice. How could a literary man or a philosopher possibly come from Arcadia? My wisdom does not go beyond the flute and the pipes; for the rest I am a goatherd, a dancer, and if need bea fighter. However, I hear them bawling continually and talking about “virtue” (whatever that means) and “ideas” and “nature” and “things incorporeal,” terms that are to me unknown and outlandish. They begin their discussions peaceably, but as the conference proceeds they raise their voices to a high falsetto, so that, what with their excessive straining and their endeavour to talk at the same time, their

faces get red, their necks get swollen, and their veins stand out like those of flute-players when they try to blow into a closed flute. In fact, they spoil their arguments, confuse the original subject of inquiry, and then, after abusing one another, most of them, they go away wiping the sweat off their foreheads with their bent fingers; and the man that is most loud-mouthed and impudent and leaves last when they break up is considered to have the best of it. However, the common people admire them, especially those who have nothing more pressing to do, and stand there enchanted by their impudence and their shouting. For my part, I considered them impostors in consequence of all this, and was annoyed at the resemblance in beard. But perhaps there was something beneficial to the common weal in their shouting and some good sprang from those technical terms of theirs—I can’t say. However, if I am to tell the truth without any reserve—for I dwell on a look-out, as you see—I have often seen many of them in the dark of the evening—

JUSTICE

Hush, Pan; didn’t it seem to you that Hermes is making a proclamation?

PAN

Why, yes.

HERMES

Oyez, oyez! Under the blessing of Heaven, we shall hold a session of court to-day, the seventh of Elaphebolion.[*] All who have entered suits are to come to the Areopagus, where Justice will empanel the juries

and be present in person at the trials. The jurors will be drawn from the entire body of Athenians; the pay will be three obols a case, and the number of jurors will be in accordance with the charge. All those who have entered suits but have died before they came to trial are to be sent back to earth by Aeacus. If anyone thinks he has had an unjust hearing, he is to appeal the case, and the appeal will be to Zeus.

PAN

Heavens, what a hubbub! What a shout they raised, Justice, and how eagerly they are gathering at a run, dragging each other up the hill, straight for the Areopagus! Hermes, too, is here already, so busy yourselves with the cases, empanel your juries and give your verdicts as usual; I am going back to the cave to pipe one of the passionate melodies with which I am in the habit of provoking Echo. I am sick of trials and speeches, for I hear the pleaders on the Areopagus every day.

HERMES

Come, Justice, let’s call them to the bar.

JUSTICE

Quite right. Indeed they are approaching incrowds, as you see, with a great noise, buzzing about the hilltop like wasps.

ATHENIAN

I’ve got you, curse you!

SECOND ATHENIAN

You are a blackmailer!

THIRD ATHENIAN

At last you are going to pay the penalty!

FOURTH ATHENIAN

I will prove that you have committed horrible crimes!

FIFTH ATHENIAN

Empanel my jury first!

SIXTH ATHENIAN

Come to court with me, scoundrel!

SEVENTH ATHENIAN

Stop choking me!

JUSTICE

Do you know what we ought to do, Hermes? Let us put off the rest of. the cases until to-morrow, and to-day let us provide only for those entered by professions or pursuits or sciences against men. Pass me up the writs of that description.[*]

HERMES

Intemperance v. the Academy in re Polemo: kidnapping.[*]

JUSTICE

Draw seven jurors.

HERMES

Stoa v. Pleasure: alienation of affections— because Pleasure coaxed away her lover, Dionysius.[*]

JUSTICE

Five will do.

HERMES

High-living v. Virtue, re Aristippus.[*]

JUSTICE

Let five sit in this case too.

HERMES

Banking v. Diogenes: absconding.[*]

JUSTICE

Draw only three.

HERMES

Painting v. Pyrrho: breach of contract.[*]

JUSTICE

Let nine sit on jury.

HERMES

Do you want us to provide juries for these two cases also, recorded yesterday against the public speaker?[*]

JUSTICE

Let us first finish up the cases of long-standing; these can go over until to-morrow for trial.

HERMES

Why, these are of the same nature, and the complaint, although recent, is very like those for which we have already provided juries, so that it ought to be tried along with them.

JUSTICE

You appear to have been unduly influenced to make the request, Hermes. Let us make the drawing, however, since you wish; but only for these two cases; we have enough on the docket. Give me the writs.

HERMES

Oratory v. the Syrian: neglect. Dialogue v. the same: maltreatment.

JUSTICE

Who is this man? His name is not recorded.

HERMES

Empanel a jury for him as it stands in the writ— for the public speaker, the Syrian. There is nothing to hinder its being done anonymously.

JUSTICE

Look here, are we really to try cases from over the border here in Athens, on the Areopagus? They ought to have been tried on the other side of the Euphrates. However, draw eleven jurors, the same to sit for both cases.

HERMES

You are right, Justice, to avoid spending too much in jury-fees.

JUSTICE

Let the first jury sit, in the“case of the Academy v. Intemperance. Fill the water-clock. Plead first, Intemperance . . . Why does she hold her tongue and shake her head? Go to her and find out, Hermes.

HERMES

She says that she cannot plead her case because her tongue is tied with drink and she is afraid of getting

laughed at in court. She can hardly stand, as you see.

JUSTICE

Then let her have an advocate appear, one of these public pleaders. There are plenty of them ready to split their lungs for three obols!

HERMES

But not one will care to espouse the cause of Intemperance, not openly, at any rate. However, this request of hers seems reasonable.

JUSTICE

What request?

HERMES

“The Academy,” she says, “is always ready to argue on both sides and trains herself to be able to speak eloquently both pro and con. Therefore let her plead first for me, and then after that she will plead for herself.”

JUSTICE

That is unprecedented. Nevertheless, make both speeches, Academy, since it is easy for you.