The Fisher (1-5)

Socrates

Stone the miscreant; stone him with many stones; clod him with clods; pot him with pots; let the culprit feel your sticks; leave him no way out. At him, Plato! come, Chrysippus, let him have it! Shoulder to shoulder, close the ranks;

We are all parties in this war; not one of us but he has assailed. You, Diogenes, now if ever is the time for that stick of yours; stand firm, all of you. Let him reap the fruits of his revilings. What, Epicurus, Aristippus, tired already? ’tis too soon; ye sages,

Socrates

Aristotle, one more sprint. There! the brute is caught; we have you, villain. You shall soon know a little more about the

characters you have assailed. Now, what shall we do with him? it must be rather an elaborate execution, to meet all our claims upon him; he owes a separate death to every one of us. First Phil. Impale him, say I. Second Phil. Yes, but scourge him first. Third Phil. Tear out his eyes. Fourth Phil, Ah, but first out with the offending tongue.

Socrates

What say you, Empedocles?

Empedocles

Oh, fling him into a crater; that will teach him to vilify his betters..

Platonists

’Twere best for him, Orpheus or Pentheus like, to -

so each might have taken a piece home with him.

Lucian

Forbear; spare me; I appeal to the God of suppliants.

Socrates

Too late; no loophole is left you now. And you know your Homer:

Lucian

Why, it is in Homer’s name that I ask my boon. You will perhaps pay reverence to his lines, and listen to a selection from him:

Platonists

Why, two can play at that game; exempli gratia,

Lucian

Ah me, ah me! my best hopes dashed, with Homer! Let me fly to Euripides; it may be he will protect me: Leave him his life; the suppliant’s life is sacred.

Platonists

Does this happen to be Euripides too—

Lucian

And will you slay me now for nought but words?

Platonists

Most certainly; our author has something on that point too:

Lucian

Ah, I breathe again. Once hear the truth about my conduct to you, and you will never put me to death. You can throw away those stones. Or, no, keep them; you shall have a better mark for them presently.

Platonists

This is trifling. This day thou diest; nay, even now,

Lucian

Believe me, good gentlemen, I have been at much pains on your behalf; to slay me is to slay one who should rather be selected for commendation; a kindred spirit, a well-wisher, a man after your own heart, a promoter, if I may be bold to say it, of your pursuits, See to it that you catch not the tone of our latter-day philosophers, and be thankless, petulant, and hard of heart, to him that deserves better of you.

Platonists

Talk ofa brazen front! So to abuse us is to oblige

us. I believe you are under the delusion that you are really talking to slaves; after the insolent excesses of your tongue, do you propose to chop gratitude with us?