The Dead Come to Life, or the Fisherman (43-44)

PLATONIST

We Platonists should get our share first.

PYTHAGOREAN

No! we Pythagoreans, for Pythagoras was earlier.

STOIC

Nonsense! we of the Porch are better.

PERIPATETIC

Not at all; in matters of money we of the Walk should be first.

EPICUREAN

Give us Epicureans the cakes and the figs, but we will wait for the money, even if we have to be the last to get it.

ACADEMIC

Where are the two talents? We Academics will show you how much better debaters we are than the rest!

STOIC

Not while we Stoics are here!

PHILOSOPHY

Stop your bickering! You Cynics, do not jostle one another or strike each other with your staves. You were asked here for a different purpose, let me assure you! And now I, Philosophy, and Virtue here and Truth will decide who are the genuine philosophers. Then all who are found to be living by our rules shall be pronounced superior and will be happy ever after, but as for the cheats and all those who have nothing in common with us, we shall put

the wretches to a wretched end, so that they may not claim any part in things that are over their heads, false pretenders that they are! What is this? Are you running away? By Heaven, they are, most of them jumping over the cliffs! The Acropolis is empty except for these few who have remained because they did not fear the trial.