Sale of Creeds (6-7)

But enough of this, And now what is your diet?

Of living things I eat none. All else I eat, except beans.

And why no beans? Do you dislike them?

No. But they are sacred things. Their nature is a mystery. Consider them first in their generative aspect; take a green one and peel it, and you will see what I mean. Again, boil one and expose it to moonlight for a proper number of nights, and you have—blood. What is more, the Athenians use beans to vote with.

Admirable! A very feast of reason. Now just strip, and let me see what you are like. Bless me, here is a creed with a golden thigh! He is no mortal, he is a God. I must have him at any price. What do you start him at?

Forty pounds.

He is mine for forty pounds,

Take the gentleman’s name and address.

He must come from Italy, I should think; Croton or Tarentum, or one of the Greek towns in those parts. But he is not the only buyer. Some three hundred of them have clubbed together.

They are welcome to him. Now up with the next.

What about yonder grubby Pontian[*]?

Yes, he will do.

You there with the wallet and cloak; come along, walk round the room. Lot No.2, A most sturdy and valiant creed, free-born. What offers?

Hullo, Mr. Auctioneer, are you going to sell a free man?

That was the idea

Take care, he may have you up for kidnapping. This might be matter for the Areopagus.

Oh, he would as soon be sold as not. He feels just as free as ever.

But what is one to do with such a dirty fellow? He is a pitiable sight. One might put him to dig perhaps, or to carry water.

That he can do and more. Set him to guard your house, and you will find him better than any watch-dog.— They call him Dog for short.

Where does he come from? and what is his method?

He can best tell you that himself.

I don’t like his looks. He will probably snarl if I go near him, or take a snap at me, for all I know. See how he lifts his stick, and scowls; an awkward-looking customer!

Don’t be afraid. He is quite tame.