Sale of Creeds (26-27)

Don’t waste time. Next lot,—the Peripatetic!

Now, my beauty, now, Affluence! Gentlemen, if you want Wisdom for your money, here is a creed that comprises all knowledge.:

What is he like?

He is temperate, good-natured, easy to get on with; and his strong point is, that he is twins,

How can that be?

Why, he is one creed outside, and another inside. So remember, if you buy him, one of him is called Esoteric, and the other Exoteric.

And what has he to say for himself?

He has to say that there are three kinds of good: spiritual, corporeal, circumstantial,

There’s something a man can understand. How much is he?

Eighty pounds.

Eighty pounds is a long price.

Not at all, my dear sir, not at all. You see, there is some money with him, to all appearance. Snap him up before it is too late. Why, from him you will find out in no time how long a gnat lives, to how many fathoms’ depth the sunlight penetrates the sea, and what an oyster’s soul is like.

Heracles! Nothing escapes him.

Ah, these are trifles. You should hear some of his more abstruse speculations, concerning generation and birth and the development of the embryo; and his distinction between man, the laughing creature, and the ass, which is neither a laughing nor a carpentering nor a shipping creature.

Such knowledge is as useful as it is ornamental. Eighty pounds be it, then.

He is yours,

What have we left?

There is Scepticism. Come along, Pyrrhias, and be put up. Quick’s the word. The attendance is dwindling; there will be small competition. Well, who buys Lot 9?

I. Tell me first, though, what do you know?

Nothing.

But how’s that?

There does not appear to me to de anything.

Are not we something?

How do I know that?

And you yourself?

Of that I am still more doubtful.

Well, you are in a fix! And what have you got those scales for?

I use them to weigh arguments in, and get them evenly balanced, They must be absolutely equal—not a feather-weight to choose between them; then, and not till then, can I make uncertain which is right.

What else can you turn your hand to?

Anything; except catching a runaway.

And why not that?

Because, friend, everything eludes my grasp.

I believe you. A slow, lumpish fellow you seem to be. And what is the end of your knowledge?

Ignorance. Deafness. Blindness.

What! sight and hearing both gone?

And with them judgement and perception, and all, in short, that distinguishes man from a worm.

You are worth money!—What shall we say for him?

Four pounds.

Here it is, Well, fellow; so you are mine?

I doubt it.

Nay, doubt it not! You are bought and paid for.

It is a difficult case.... I reserve my decision.

Now, come along with me, like a good slave.

But how am I to know whether what you say is true?

Ask the auctioneer. Ask my money. Ask the spectators.

Spectators? But can we be sure there are any?

Oh, V'll send you to the treadmill. That will convince you with a vengeance that I am your master.

Reserve your decision.

Too late. It is given.

Stop that wrangling and go with your purchaser. Gentlemen, we hope to see you here again to-morrow, when we shall be offering some lots suitable for plain men, artisans, and shopkeepers.