Charon, or the Inspectors (1-5)

HERMES

Wht are you laughing at, Charon, and why have you left your ferry and come up here to our part of the world? You are not at all in the habit of concerning yourself with affairs up above.

CHARON

I wanted to see what it is like in life, Hermes, what men do in it, and what they lose that makes them all grieve when they come down to us; for none of them has ever made the crossing without a tear. So, like the young Thessalian (Protesilaus), I obtained shore leave from Hades for a single day and came up to the sunlight, and I fancy that I have been lucky to meet you, for you will surely go about with me and guide me, and will show me everything, knowing all about it as you do.

HERMES

I haven't time, ferryman; I am on my way to carry out a little commission among men for Zeus in Heaven.[*] He is quick-tempered, and I fear that if I am slow about it he will let me be yours altogether, committing me to the nether gloom, or else that he will treat me as he did Hephaestus the other day, taking me.by the foot and throwing me from the

parapet of Heaven, so that I too may limp and make them laugh as I fill their cups.

CHARON

Then will you let me wander aimlessly above ground, you who are a comrade and a shipmate and a fellow guide of souls? Come now, son of Maea, you would do well to remember this at least, that I have never ordered you to bale or take an oar. On the contrary, you stretch yourself out on deck and snore, in spite of those broad shoulders of yours, or if you find a talkative dead man, you chat with him throughout the trip, while I, old as I am, row both oars of my boat alone. Come, in your father’s name, Hermie dear, don’t leave me stranded; be my guide to everything in life, so that I may feel I have seen something when I go back. If you leave me, I shall be no better off than the blind, for they stumble and reel about in the darkness, while I, to the contrary, am dazed in the light. Be good to me, Cyllenian, and I shall remember your kindness forever.

HERMES

This business will stand me in a thrashing; at any rate I see even now that my pay for playing guide will certainly include plenty of fisticufls. But I must comply all the same, for what can a man do when a friend insists?

For you to see everything minutely in detail is impossible, ferryman, since it would busy us for many years. In that event Zeus would be obliged to have me advertized by the crier, like a runaway slave, and you yourself would be prevented from doing the

work of Death and compelled to embarrass the revenues of Pluto’s government by not bringing in aly dead for a long time; besides, Aeacus the toll-taker would be angry if he did not make even an obol. We must manage it so that you can see the principal things that are going on.

CHARON

You must determine what is best, Hermes; I know nothing at all about things above ground, being a stranger.

HERMES

In a word, Charon, we want a high place of some sort, from which you can look down upon everything. If it were possible for you to go up into Heaven, we should be in no difficulty, for you could see everything plainly from on high. But as it is not permissible for one who consorts always with shades to set foot in the palace of Zeus, we must look about for a high mountain.

CHARON

You know, Hermes, what I am in the habit of telling you and the others when we are on the water. When we are close-hauled and the wind in a sudden squall strikes the sail and the waves rise high, then you all in your ignorance tell me to take the sail in or slack the sheet off a bit or run before the wind; but I urge you to keep quiet, saying that I myself know what is best. Just so in this case; you must do whatever you think is right, for you are skipper now, and I will sit in silence, as a passenger should, and obey your orders in everything.

HERMES

Quite right; I will see what is to be done, and

will find the proper coign of vantage. Well then, will Caucasus do, or Parnassus, or Olympus yonder, which is higher than either? But no, as I looked at Olympus an idea came to me that is not half bad; but you must bear a hand and help me out.

CHARON

Give your orders; I will help as much as I can,

HERMES

The poet Homer says that the sons of Alocus, who, like ourselves, were two in number, took a faney once upon a time while they were still mere children to pluck Ossa from its base and set it on Olympus, and then to set Pelion on top of it, thinking that this would give them a suitable ladder with which to scale Heaven.[*] Well, these two lads were sacrilegious and they were punished for it; but we two are not making this plan to harm the gods, so why shouldn’t we build in the same way, rolling the mountains one atop of another, in order to secure a better view from a higher place?

CHARON

Shall we be able to lift Pelion or Ossa and heave it up, Hermes, when there are only two of us?

HERMES

Why not, Charon? Surely you don’t consider us weaker than that pair of infants? Moreover, we are gods.

CHARON

No, but the thing seems to me to involve an incredible deal of work,

HERMES

Of course, for you are only a prosaic body, Charon, and not a bit of a poet. Good Homer, however, has made it possible for us to scale Heaven in a jiffy with a pair of verses, for he puts the mountains together as easily as that. I am surprised that you think this miraculous, for, of course, you know Atlas, who carries Heaven itself without any help, upholding us all. And no doubt you have heard about my brother Heracles, how he himself once took the place of Atlas and relieved him of his load for a time by taking the burden on his own shoulders.

CHARON

Yes, I have heard that; but whether it is true or not, Hermes, you and the poets only know!

HERMES

True as can be, Charon. Why should wise men lie? So let us uproot Ossa first, according to the directions of the poem and the master-builder, Homer;

then upon Ossa

Pelion quivering-leaved.

Od. 11, 305. Don’t you see how easily and poetically we have done the job? Come now, let me climb up and see if this is enough or we shall have to add to the pile.

HERMES

Upon my word, we are still away down among the foot-hills of Heaven! Toward the east I can only just. see Ionia and Lydia, toward the west not beyond Italy and Sicily, toward the north only the country on this side the Danube, and in that direction Crete, but not very plainly. Apparently we must move up

Oeta too, ferryman, and then Parnassus to top them all.

CHARON

Let’s do so. But take care that we don’t make the structure too slender by heightening it beyond all reason, and so tumble down with it and pay bitterly for our experiment in Homeric building by breaking our heads.

HERMES

Never fear; everything will be secure. Move Oeta over. Roll Parnassus this way. There now, I am going up again. — It is all right, I see everything: now come up yourself.

CHARON

Put out your hand, Hermes. This is an uncommonly big piece of stage-machinery that you are mounting me on.

HERMES

Must be done, if you are bound to see everything, Charon. One can’t see sights without taking chances. Come, take hold of my right hand and look out you don’t step where it is slippery. Good, you are up too, As Parnassus has two peaks, let us each take a suminit for himself and sit on it. Now, then, look round about you and inspect everything.