Timon the Misanthrope (46-50)

Gnathonides

What did I tell them?—Timon was too good a man to be abandoned by Providence. How are you, Timon? as good-looking and good-tempered, as good a fellow, as ever?

Timon

And you, Gnathonides, still teaching vultures rapacity, and men cunning?

Gnathonides

Ah, he always liked his little joke. But where do you dine? I have brought a new song with me, a march out of the last musical thing on.

Timon

It will be a funeral march, then, and a very touching one, with spade obbligato.

Gnathonides

What means this? This is assault, Timon; just let me find a witness! ... Oh, my God, my God!... I'll have you before the Areopagus for assault and battery.

Timon

You’d better not wait much longer, or you'll have to make it murder.

Gnathonides

Mercy, mercy! ..- Now, a little gold ointment to heal the wound; it is a first-rate styptic.

Timon

What! you won’t go, won’t you?

Gnathonides

Oh, I am going. But you shall repent this. Alas, so genial once, and now so rude!

Timon

Now who is this with the bald crown?

Timon

Why, -it is Philiades; if there is a loathsome flatterer, it is he. When I sang that song that nobody else would applaud, he lauded me to the skies, and swore no dying swan could be more tuneful; his reward was one of my farms, and a 500 portion for his daughter. And then when he found I was ill, and had come to him for assistance, his generous aid took the form of blows.

Philiades

You shameless creatures! yes, yes, mow you know Timon’s merits! now Gnathonides would be his friend and boon-companion! well, he has the right reward of ingratitude.

Some of us were his familiars and playmates and neighbours; but we hold back a little; we would not seem to thrust ourselves upon him. Greeting, lord Timon; pray let me -varn you against these abominable flatterers; they are your humble servants during meal-times, and else about as useful as carrion crows. Perfidy is the order of the day; everywhere ingratitude and vileness. I was just bringing a couple of hundred pounds, for your immediate necessities, and was nearly here before I heard of your splendid fortune. So I just came on to give you this word of caution; though indeed you are wise enough (I would take your advice before Nestor’s myself) to need none of my counsel.

Timon

Quite so, Philiades. But come near, will you not, and receive my—spade!

Philiades

Help, help! this thankless brute has broken my head, for giving him good counsel.

Timon

Now for number three. Lawyer Demeas—my cousin, as he calls himself, with a decree in his hand. Between three and four thousand it was that I paid in to the Treasury in ready money for him; he had been fined that amount and imprisoned in default, and I took pity on him. Well, the other day he was distributing-officer of the festival money[*]; when I applied for my share, he pretended I was not a citizen.

Demeas

Hail, Timon, ornament of our race, pillar of Athens, shield of Hellas! The Assembly and both Councils are met, and expect your appearance. But first hear the decree which I have proposed in your honour. Whereas Timon son of Echecratides of Collytus who adds to high position and character a sagacity unmatched in Greece is a consistent and indefatigable promoter of his country’s good and Whereas he has been

victorious at Olympia on one day in boxing wrestling and running as well as in the two and the four-horse chariot races—'

Timon

Why, I was never so much as a spectator at Olympia.

Demeas

What does that matter? you will be some day. It looks better to have a good deal of that sort in—'and Whereas he fought with distinction last year at Acharnae cutting two Peloponnesian companies to pieces—’