Timon the Misanthrope (46-50)

Gnathonides What did I tell them?—Timon was too good a man to be abandoned by Providence. How are you, Timon? as good-looking and good-tempered, as good a fellow, as ever?

Timon And you, Gnathonides, still teaching vultures rapacity, and men cunning?

Gnathonides Ah, he always liked his little joke. But where do you dine? I have brought a new song with me, a march out of the last musical thing on.

Timon It will be a funeral march, then, and a very touching one, with spade obbligato.

Gnathonides What means this? This is assault, Timon; just let me find a witness! ... Oh, my God, my God!... I'll have you before the Areopagus for assault and battery.

Timon You’d better not wait much longer, or you'll have to make it murder.

Gnathonides Mercy, mercy! ..- Now, a little gold ointment to heal the wound; it is a first-rate styptic.

Timon What! you won’t go, won’t you?

Gnathonides Oh, I am going. But you shall repent this. Alas, so genial once, and now so rude!

Timon Now who is this with the bald crown?

Why, -it is Philiades; if there is a loathsome flatterer, it is he. When I sang that song that nobody else would applaud, he lauded me to the skies, and swore no dying swan could be more tuneful; his reward was one of my farms, and a 500 portion for his daughter. And then when he found I was ill, and had come to him for assistance, his generous aid took the form of blows.

Philiades You shameless creatures! yes, yes, mow you know Timon’s merits! now Gnathonides would be his friend and boon-companion! well, he has the right reward of ingratitude.

Timon Quite so, Philiades. But come near, will you not, and receive my—spade!

Philiades Help, help! this thankless brute has broken my head, for giving him good counsel.

Timon Now for number three. Lawyer Demeas—my cousin, as he calls himself, with a decree in his hand. Between three and four thousand it was that I paid in to the Treasury in ready money for him; he had been fined that amount and imprisoned in default, and I took pity on him. Well, the other day he was distributing-officer of the festival money[*]; when I applied for my share, he pretended I was not a citizen.

Demeas Hail, Timon, ornament of our race, pillar of Athens, shield of Hellas! The Assembly and both Councils are met, and expect your appearance. But first hear the decree which I have proposed in your honour. Whereas Timon son of Echecratides of Collytus who adds to high position and character a sagacity unmatched in Greece is a consistent and indefatigable promoter of his country’s good and Whereas he has been

Timon Why, I was never so much as a spectator at Olympia.

Demeas What does that matter? you will be some day. It looks better to have a good deal of that sort in—'and Whereas he fought with distinction last year at Acharnae cutting two Peloponnesian companies to pieces—’