Icaromenippus, or the Sky-man (21-25)

MENIPPUS

“But am I not aware of all the shameful, abominable deeds they do at night, they who by day are dour-visaged, resolute of cye, majestic of mien and the cynosure of the general public? Yet although I see all this, I keep quiet about it, for I do not think it decent to expose and illumine those nocturnal pastimes of theirs and their life behind the scenes. On the contrary, if I see one of them committing adultery or thieving or making bold to do anything else that best befits the night, I draw my garment of cloud together and _ veil my face at once, in order that I may not let the common people see old men bringing discredit on their long beards and on virtue. But they for their part never desist from picking me to pieces in talk and _ insulting me in every way, so that I vow by Night, I have often thought of moving as far away as possible to a place where I might escape their meddling tongues.

"So be sure to report all this to Zeus and to add, too, that I cannot remain in my place unless he destroys the .natural philosophers, muzzles the logicians, razes the Porch, burns down the Academy, and stops the lectures in the Walks; for only then can I get a rest and cease to be surveyed by them every day.”

MENIPPUS

“Very well,” said I, and therewith I pressed on upwards along the road to Heaven,

‘Whence there was naught to be seen of the labours of men or of oxen;

Od. 10, 98. for in a little while even the moon seemed small to me, and the earth had at last disappeared from my view. Taking the sun on my right and flying past the stars, on the third day out I drew near to Heaven. At first I made up my mind to go straight in without more ado, for I thought I should easily escape observation, as I was half eagle and I knew that the eagle was on intimate terms with Zeus from of old; but afterwards I concluded that they would very soon find me out because the other wing that I wore was a vulture’s. Thinking it best, anyhow, not to take any unnecessary chances, I went up and knocked at the door. Hermes answered my knock, inquired my name, and went off in haste to tell Zeus. In a little while I was admitted in great fear and trembling, and found them all sitting together, not without apprehension themselves; for my visit, being so unprecedented, had put them in a quiet flutter, and they almost expected the whole human race to arrive at any moment, provided with wings like maine.

MENIPPUS

Zeus, however, looked at me with a

fierce, Titanic stare and said in a very terrible voice:

What is your name, sir, whence do you come, and where is your city and hearth-stone?

The line occurs frequently in the Odyssey, e.g. 1, 170. When I heard this, I nearly dropped dead of fright, but stood my ground all the same, though my jaw was hanging and I was thunderstruck by the loudness of his voice. But in time I pulled myself together and told him the whole story clearly, starting at the very beginning—how I wanted to learn about the heavenly bodies, how I went to the philosophers, how I heard them contradicting each other, how I got tired of being pulled this way and that by their arguments, and then about my idea and the wings and all the rest of it till my arrival in Heaven; and at the end I added the message of the moon. Smiling and unbending a little, Zeus remarked: “What can one say to Otus and Ephialtes when even a Menippus has the hardihood to come up to Heaven? However, we invite you to be our guest for to-day, and to-morrow, after we have taken action on the matters about which you have come, we shall send you away.” With that he arose and walked toward the best place in Heaven for hearing, as it was time to sit and listen to the prayers.

MENIPPUS

As he walked along he asked me about things on earth, first the usual questions, how much wheat now costs in Greece, whether the last winter hit us hard and whether the crops needed more rain. Then he

inquired whether any of the descendants of Phidias were still left, why the Athenians had omitted the Diasia for so many years, whether they had any idea of finishing the Olympieion for him and whether the men who robbed his temple in Dodona had been arrested.[*]

When I had answered these questions, he said:

“Tell me, Menippus, what opinion do men hold about me?

“Tell me, Menippus, what opinion do men hold about me?” “What opinion should they hold, sir,” said I, “except the highest possible one, that you are king of all the gods?” “You are fond of your joke,” said he, “but I am thoroughly acquainted with their craze for novelty even without your telling me. There was once a time when they looked upon me as a prophet and a healer, and I was all in all; “Yea, full of Zeus were all the streets And all the marts of men.’ At that time Dodona and Pisa were rich and highly regarded by all, and I could not even see for the smoke of the sacrifices. But since Apollo founded his oracle at Delphi and Asclepius his hospital in Pergamos and the temple of Bendis arose in Thrace and the temple of Anubis in Egypt and the temple of Artemis in Ephesus, these are the places where they all run and celebrate feast-days and bring hecatombs, and offer up ingots of gold, while I, they think, being past my prime, am sufficiently honoured if they sacrifice to me once every four whole years at Olympia. Consequently, you can see for yourself that my altars are more frigid than the Laws of Plato or the Syllogisms of Chrysippus.”

MENIPPUS

Pursuing such topics, we came to the place where he had to sit and hear the prayers. There was a row of openings like mouths of wells, with covers on them, and beside each stood a golden throne. Sitting down by the first one, Zeus took off the cover and gave his attention to the people who were praying. The prayers came from all parts of the world and were of all sorts and kinds, for I myself bent over the orifice and listened to them along with him. They went like this; “O Zeus, may I succeed in becoming king!” “O Zeus, make my onions and my garlic grow!” “QO ye gods, let my father die quickly!”; and now and then one or another would say: “O that I may inherit my wife’s property!” “QO that I may be undetected in my plot against my brother!” “May I succeed in winning my suit!” “Let me win the wreath at the Olympic games!”” Among seafaring men, one was praying for the north wind to blow, another for the south wind; and the farmers were praying for rain while the washermen were praying for sunshine. Zeus listened and weighed each prayer carefully, but did not promise everything;

This by the Father was granted and that was denied them.

Iliad16, 250. You see, he let the just prayers come up through the orifice and then took them and filed them away at his right; but he sent the impious ones back un- granted, blowing them downward so that they might not even come near Heaven. In the case of one petition I observed that he was really in a dilemma: when two men made contrary prayers and promised equal sacrifices, he didn’t know which one of them to give assent to; so that he was in the same plight as the Academicians and could not make any aflirmation at all, but suspended judgement for a while and thought it over, like Pyrrho.