Zeus the Tragedian (13-14)

Hermes Good heavens, what a din they make, crying out, in plain every-day language, "Rations!" and "Where is the nectar?" and "The ambrosia is giving out!" and "Where are the hecatombs?" and "The sacrifices are common property!"

Zeus Call them to order, Hermes. Make them stop this nonsense and hear why they were convened.

Hermes But, Zeus, they do not all understand Greek, and I am no polyglot to deliver an announcement to Scythians and Persians and Thracians and Celts all at once. I think I should do best to enjoin silence by dumb show.

Zeus Very well.

Hermes There! Behold them reduced to the silence of the sophists. Now is your time to address them. See, they are looking towards you already, awaiting your speech.

Zeus Hermes, you are my son, and I don't mind telling you just how I feel. You know what aplomb and magniloquence I have always shown in our assemblies?

Hermes Indeed I do. I was always frightened

when I heard you speak, particularly when you would threaten to let down that golden rope and drag from their foundations the earth and the sea and the gods with them.

Zeus But this time, my child, whether it is the greatness of the impending dangers or of the audience-for the meeting is well attended, as you see my presence of mind has utterly deserted me, and I am trembling with nervousness and my tongue seems tied. And, most absurd of all, I have forgotten the opening of my speech, which I had prepared with a view to making as agreeable a first impression as possible.

Hermes You have spoiled everything. Your silence is making them suspicious already, and the more you delay the more overwhelmingly bad news do they expect.

Zeus Do you think, then, that I might begin to recite to them that introduction of Homer's?

Hermes What one?

Zeus "Hearken now, ye gods, and every goddess, hearken."

Hermes Stuff! You have recited those opening lines often enough in your cups already. But, if you like, give up this tiresome business of poetry, and piece together any you choose of Demosthenes's orations against Philip, altering them a little. That is the way most speaking is done now, anyhow.

Zeus That is a good idea-a sort of abridged rhetoric or oratory made easy for the embarrassed.