Zeus Rants (6-10)

ZEUS Splendid, Hermes! an excellent proclamation, that. Indeed, they are coming together already, so take them in charge and seat each of them in his proper place according to his material and workmanhip, those of gold in the front row, then next to hem those of silver, then all those of ivory, then hose of bronze or stone, and among the latter let he gods made by Phidias or Alcamenes or Myron t Euphranor or such artists have precedence and et these vulgar, inartistic fellows huddle together

HERMES It shall be done, and they shall be seated properly ; but I had better find out about this; if one of them is of gold and very heavy, yet not precise in workmanship but quite ordinary and misshapen, is he to sit in front of the bronzes of Myron and Polyclitus and the marbles of Phidias and Alcamenes, or is precedence to be given to the art?

ZEUS It ought to be that way, but gold must have precedence all the same.

HERMES I understand : you tell me to seat them in order of wealth, not in order of merit; by valuation. Come to the front seats, then, you of gold. It is likely, Zeus, that none but foreigners will occupy the front row, for as to the Greeks you yourself see what they are like, attractive, to be sure, and good looking and artistically made, but all of marble or bronze, nevertheless, or at most in the case of the very richest, of ivory with just a little gleam of gold, merely to the extent of being superficially tinged and brightened, within while even these are of wood and shelter whole droves of mice that keep court inside. But Bendis here and Anubis over there and Attis beside him and Mithras and Men are of solid gold and heavy and very valuable indeed.

POSEIDON Now why is it right, Hermes, for this dog-faced fellow from Egypt[*] to sit in front of me when I am Poseidon?

HERMES That’s all very well, but Lysippus made you of bronze and a pauper because the Corinthians had no gold at that time, while this fellow is richer than you are by mines-full. So you must put up with being thrust aside and not be angry if one who has such a snout of gold is preferred before you.

APHRODITE Well then, Hermes, take me and seat me in the front row somewhere, for I am golden.

HERMES Not as far as I can see, Aphrodite: unless I am stone blind, you are of white marble, quarried on Pentelicus, no doubt, and then, the plan having approved itself to Praxiteles, turned iuto Aphrodite and put into the care of the Cnidians.

APHRODITE But I'll prove it to you by a competent witness, Homer, who says all up and down his lays that I am “golden Aphrodite.”

HERMES Yes, and the same man said that Apollo was rich in gold and wealthy, but now you'll see that he too is sitting somewhere among the middle class, uncrowned by the pirates and robbed of the pegs of his lyre. So be content yourself if you are not quite classed with the common herd in the meeting.