Zeus Rants (46-50)

TIMOCLES Tell me, you scoundrel, have you ever made a voyage ?

DAMIS Yes, often, Timocles.

TIMOCLES Well, you were kept in motion then, were you not, either by-the wind striking the canvas and filling the sails, or else by the rowers, but the steering was done by a single man in ‘command, who kept the vessel safe ?

DAMIS Yes, certainly.

TIMOCLES Then do you suppose that while the ship would not sail if she were not steered, this universe keeps in motion unsteered and unofficered ?

ZEUS Good! Timocles put that very shrewdly, with a valid illustration.

DAMIS Why, Timocles, you superlative admirer of the gods, in the one case you would have seen the captain always planning what had better be done and making ready beforehand and giving orders to the crew, and

Among the sailors themselves you will see that one who is lazy and lubberly and has no heart for his work has a warrant or evena commission, while another who is fearless at diving and handy in manning the yards and best acquainted with everything that needs to be done, is set to pumping ship. So too with the passengers: you'll see some gallows-bird or other sitting on the quarter deck beside the captain and receiving attentions, and another, a profligate, a parricide or a temple-robber, getting inordinate honour and taking up the whole deck of the ship, while a lot of good fellows are crowded into a corner of the hold and trampled on by men who are really their inferiors. Just think, for example, what a voyage Socrates and Aristides and Phocion had, without biscuits enough to eat and without even room to stretch their legs on the bare boards alongside the bilgewater, and on the other hand what favours Callias and Midias and Sardanapalus enjoyed, rolling in luxury and spitting on those beneath them !

That is what goes on in your ship, Timocles, you

MOMUS Things are going finely for Damis now, and he is driving under full sail to victory.

ZEUS Your figure is apt, Momus. Yet Timocles can’t think of anything valid, but launches at him these commonplace, every-day arguments one after another, all of them easy to capsize.