Zeus Rants (33-35)

But who is this coming up in hot haste, the one of bronze, with the fine tooling and the fine contours, with his hair tied up in the old-fashioned way ? Oh yes, it is your brother, Hermes, the one of the public square, beside the Painted Porch.[*] At any rate he is all covered with pitch from being cast every day by the sculptors. My lad, what brings

you here at a run? Do you bring us news from earth, by any chance?

HERMAGORAS Important news, Zeus, that requires unlimited attention.

ZEUS Tell me whether we have overlooked anything else in the way of conspiracy.

HERMAGORAS

It fell just now that they who work in bronze

Had smeared me o’er with pitch on breast and back ;

A funny corslet round my body hung,

Conformed by imitative cleverness

To take the full impression of the bronze.

I saw a crowd advancing with a pair

Of sallow bawlers, warriors with words,

Hight Damis, one—[*]

ZEUS Leave off your bombast, my good Hermagoras; I know the men you mean. But tell me whether they have been in action long.

HERMAGORAS Not very; they were still skirmishing, slinging abuse at each other at long range.

ZEUS Then what else remains to be done, gods, except to stoop over and listen to them? So let the Hours remove the bar now, drive the clouds away and throw open the gates of Heaven.

Heracles! what a crowd

has come together to listen! ‘Timocles himself does not please me at all, for he is trembling and confused. The fellow will spoil it all to-day ; in fact, it is clear that he won’t even be able to square off at Danis. But let’s do the very utmost that we can and pray for him, Silently, each to himself, so that Damis may not be the wiser.[*]

TIMOCLES[*] Damis, you sacrilegious wretch, why do you say that the gods do not exist and do not show providence in behalf of men?

DAMIS No, you tell me first what reason you have for believing that they do exist.

TIMOCLES No, you tell me, you miscreant !

DAMIS No, you!

ZEUS So far our man is much better and more noisy in his bullying. Good, Timocles! Pile on your abuse ; that is your strong point, for in everything else he will make you as mute as a fish.

TIMOCLES But I swear by Athena that I will not answer you first.

DAMIS Well then, put your question, Timocles, for you

have won with that oath of yours. But no abuse, please.