Zeus Rants (13-14)

HERMES Heracles ! what a row they are making with their usual daily shouts: “Give us our shares!”’ “Where is the nectar?” “The ambrosia is all gone!” "Where are the hecatombs?” “Victims in common !”’

ZEUS Hush them up, Hermes, so that they may learn why they were called together, as soon as they have stopped this nonsense.

HERMES Not all of them understand Greek, Zeus, and I am no polyglot, to make a proclamation that Scyths and Persians and Thracians and Celts can understand. I had better sign to them with my hand, I think, and make them keep still.

ZEUS Do so.

HERMES Good! There you have them, quieter than the sophists. It is time to make your speech, then. Come, come, they have been gazing at you this long time, waiting to see what in the world you are going to say.

ZEUS Well, Hermes, I need not hesitate to tell you how

I feel, since you are my son. You know how confident and loud-spoken I always was in our meetings ?

HERMES Yes, and I used to be frightened when I heard you making a speech, above all when you threatened to pull up the earth and the sea from their foundations, with the gods to boot, letting down that cord of gold.[*] ZEUS But now, my boy, I don’t know whether because of the greatness of the impending disasters or because of the number of those present (for the meeting is packed with gods, as you see), I am confused in the head and trembly and my tongue seems to be tied ; and what is strangest of all, I have forgotten the introduction to the whole matter, which I prepared in order that my beginning might present them “a countenance most fair.”[*] HERMES You have spoiled everything, Zeus. They are suspicious of your silence and expect to hear about some extraordinary disaster because you are delaying.

ZEUS Then do you want me to recite them my famous Homeric introduction ?

HERMES Which one?

ZEUS "Hark to me, all of the gods, and all the goddesses likewise.”[*]

HERMES Tut, tut! you gave ws enough of your parodies in the beginning. If you wish, however, you can stop your tiresome versification and deliver one of Demosthenes’ speeches against Philip, any one you choose, with but little modification. Indeed, that is the way most people make speeches nowadays.

ZEUS Good! That is a short cut to speechmaking and a timely help to anyone who doesn’t know what to say.