A Feast of Lapithae (1-5)

Philosophy

Ah, Lycinus, I hear you had a very varied entertainment dining with Aristaenetus last night; a philosophic debate followed by a sharp difference of opinion, I understand; if Charinus’s information was correct, it went as far as blows, and the conference had a bloody end.

Lycinus

Charinus? he was not there; what can he know about it?

Philosophy

Dionicus the doctor had told him, he said; be was one of you, was he not?

Lycinus

Yes, but only later on; he came when the fray was already a promising one, though no blows had yet been struck. I doubt whether he could have any intelligible account to give, as he had not followed the beginning of the rivalry that was to end in bloodshed.

Philosophy

Just so; Charinus told me to apply to you, if I wanted a true description of all the details. Dionicus had mentioned that he had not been there all through, but said you knew the whole of the facts, and would remember the arguments too, as you are a real student and take more than an outside interest in that sort of thing. So no more ceremony, please, but spread me this most tempting of banquets; its attractions are enhanced by the fact that we shall enjoy it soberly, quietly, without bloodshed or danger, whatever regrettable words or deeds the old men’s weak heads or the young men’s vinous exaltation may have led them into.

Lycinus

What an indiscreet demand, Philo! What, make the story public? give a full description of what men do in their cups? A veil should be drawn over such things; they should be ascribed to Dionysus; I am not at all sure that he will pardon the man who holds aloof from his mystic influence. I should like to be sure that it does not betray an evil nature if you dwell too curiously on what you should forget as you leave the dining-room. ‘Babble wet, But dry forget,’ goes the rhyme. It was not right of Dionicus to blab to Charinus, bespattering great philosophers with stale wine-rinsings. No, get thee behind me; my lips are sealed.

Philosophy

Coquette! and you have mistaken your man too; I am quite aware that you are more eager to tell than I to hear; I believe, if you had no one to listen, you would find a pillar or statue and out with the whole tale to it in one torrent. If

I try to make off now, you will never let me go till I have done my listening; you will hold on to me and pursue me and solicit me. Then it will be my turn to coquet. Oh, very well; do not trouble to tell me; good-bye; I will get it out of some one else.

Lycinus

Oh, you needn’t be so hasty. I will tell you, if you are so set upon it; only don’t repeat it to everybody.

Philosophy

If I know anything whatever of you, you will take good care of that; you will not leave me many to repeat it to.

Philosophy

Now begin with telling me what Aristaenetus was giving the banquet for; was it his boy Zeno’s wedding?

Lycinus

No, his girl Cleanthis’s—to the son of Eucritus the banker, a student of philosophy.

Philosophy

I know; a fine lad; only a lad, though; old enough to marry?

Lycinus

Well, he was the most suitable to be had, I suppose. He is a well-behaved youngster, has taken up philosophy, and is sole heir to a rich father; so he was the selected bridegroom.

Philosophy

Ah, no doubt Eucritus’s money is a consideration. Well, and who were the guests?