The Carousal, or the Lapiths (40-42)

These remarks gave rise to laughter, because they were made out of season. But Dionysodorus said: “Stop your outlandish jabbering! Where can the word envy be found in that sense, and in what author?”[*] “What, do you dare open your mouth, you scum of the earth?” said Ion, and Dionysodorus began to give him back his abuse in due form. But the grammarian Histiaeus (simple soul!) said: “Stop, and I will read you a wedding-song,””

and began to read. The verses were these, if I remember right:

O what a maiden in the halls

Of Aristaenetus

Her gentle nurture had, our queen

Cleanthis glorious!

v.1.p.455

Superior to other maids

As many as there be,

Than Aphrodite prettier

And Helen eke is she.

To you, O groom, a greeting too,

Most handsome of your mates

And handsomer than those of old

Of whom Homer relates.

We unto you the song you hear

Will sing repeatedly

To celebrate your wedding-day:

It’s made for both you see![*]

That caused a laugh, as you can imagine; and then it was time to take what was set before us. Aristaenetus and Eucritus each took the portion in front of him: I took what was mine and Chaereas what was set before him, and Ion and Cleodemus did likewise. But Diphilus wanted to carry off not only his own but all that had been served for Zeno, who was away; he said that it had been served to him alone, and fought with the servants. They caught hold of the bird and tried to pull it away from each other as if they were tugging at the body of Patroclus, and at last he was beaten and let go. He made the company laugh heartily, especially because he was indignant afterwards, just as if he had been done the greatest possible wrong.