The Carousal, or the Lapiths (21-25)

LYCINUS

You see, a servant came into the midst of us, saying that he was from Hetoemocles the Stoic and carrying a paper which he said his master had told him to read in public, so that everybody would hear, and then to go back again. On getting the consent of Aristaenetus, he went up to the lamp and began to read.

PHILO

I suppose, Lycinus, that it was an address in praise of the bride, or else a wedding-song? They often write such pieces.

LYCINUS

Of course we ourselves expected something of the sort, but it was far from that: its contents were:

LYCINUS

"Hetoemocles the philosopher to Aristaenetus.

“How I feel about dining out, my whole past life can testify; for although every day I am pestered by many men much richer than you are, nevertheless I am never. forward about accepting, as I am familiar

with the disturbances and riotous doings at dinnerparties. But in your case and yours only I think I have reason to be angry, because you, to whom I have so long ministered indefatigably, did not think fit to number me among your friends: no, I alone do not count with you, and that too though I live next door. I am indignant, therefore, and more on your account than on my own, because you have shown yourself so thankless, For me, happiness is not a matter of getting a wild boar, a hare or a cake— things which I enjoy ungrudged at the tables of other people who know what is right. Indeed, today I might have had dinner with my pupil Pammenes (and a splendid dinner, too, they say), but I did not accede to his entreaties, saving myself for you, fool that I was.

LYCINUS

You, however, have given me the go-by and are entertaining others. No wonder, for you are even yet unable to distinguish between the better and the worse, and you have not the faculty of direct comprehension, either. But I know where all this comes from—those wonderful philosophers of yours, Zenothemis and the Labyrinth, whose mouths I could very soon stop, I know, with a single syllogism, Heaven forgive me for boasting! Just let one of them say what philosophy is, or, to go back to the elements, what is the difference between attribute and accident.[*] I shall not mention an of the fallacies like ‘ the horns,’ ‘ the heap,’ or ‘ the mower.’ [*]

“Well, much may your philosophers profit you! Holding as I do that only what is honourable is good, I shall easily stand the slight.

LYCINUS

But you need not think you can afterwards take refuge in the plea that you forgot me in all the confusion and bother, for I spoke to you twice to-day, not only in the morning at your house, but later in the day, when you were sacrificing at the temple of Castor and Pollux, “I have made this statement to set myself right with your guests.

LYCINUS

But if you think that I am angry over a mere dinner, call to mind the story of Oeneus and you will see that Artemis herself was angry because she was the only one whom he had not asked to the sacrifice when he entertained all the rest-of the gods. Homer puts it something like this: Whether he forgot or would not, greatly was his soul at fault.[*] Euripides says:

This land is Calydon, lying over seas

From Pelops’ isle; a land of fertile plains.

From the lost Meleager of Euripides. [*] And Sophocles:

A boar, a monstrous thing, on Oeneus’ fields

Turned loose Latona’s lass, who kills afar.

From the lost Meleager of Sophocles.