Demonax (21-25)

When Peregrinus Proteus rebuked him for laughing a great deal and making sport of mankind saying: “Demonax, you're not at all doggish!” he answered, “Peregrinus, you are not at all human!” [*]

When a scientist was talking of the Topsy-turvy people (Antipodes), he made him get up, took him to a well, showed him their own reflection in the water and asked: “Is that the sort of topsy-turvy people you mean?”

When a fellow claimed to be a sorcerer and to have spells so potent that by their agency he could prevail on everybody to give him whatever he wanted, Demonax said: “Nothing strange in that! I am in the same business: follow me to the breadwoman’s, if you like, and you shall see me persuade her to give me bread with a single spell and a tiny charm”’—implying that a coin is as good as a spell. When Herodes,[*] the superlative, was mourning the premature death of Polydeuces and wanted a chariot regularly made ready and horses put to it just. as if the boy were going for a drive, and dinner regularly served for him, Demonax went to him and said: “Iam bringing you a message from Polydeuces.”

He went to a man who was mourning the death of a son and had shut himself up in the dark, and told him that he was a sorcerer and could raise the boy’s shade for him if only he would name three men who had never mourned for anyone. When the man hesitated long arfd was perplexed—I suppose he could not name a single one—Demonax said: “You ridiculous fellow, do you think, then, that you alone suffer beyond endurance, when you see that nobody is unacquainted with mourning?”

He also liked to poke fun at those who use obsolete and unusual. words in conversation. For instance, to a man who had been asked a certain question by him and had answered in far-fetched book-language, he said: “I asked you now, but you answer me as if I had asked in Agamemnon’s day.”