Panathenaicus (6-10)

I wish, therefore, to preface my discussion with a word about myself and about those who have this attitude towards me, in order that, if only it lies within my power to do so, I may put an end to the abuse of my calumniators and give to the public a clear understanding of the work to which I am devoted. For if I succeed in setting forth a true picture of this in my discourse, I hope not only that I myself may pass the rest of my days free from annoyance but that my present audience will give better attention to the discourse which is about to be delivered.

I am not going to hesitate to tell you frankly of the confusion which now comes into my thoughts, of the strangeness of my feelings on the present occasion, and of my perplexity as to whether I am doing anything to the purpose. For I have had my share of the greatest goods of life—the things which all men would pray the gods to have as their portion:[*] first of all, I have enjoyed health both of body and of soul, not in common degree, but in equal measure with those who have been most blessed in these respects;[*] secondly, I have been in comfortable circumstances, so that I have not lacked for any of the moderate satisfactions nor for those that a sensible man would desire;

and, lastly, I have been ranked, not among those who are despised or ignored, but among those whom the most cultivated of the Hellenes will recall and talk about as men of consequence and worth. And yet, although I have been blessed with all these gifts, some in surpassing, others in sufficient measure, I am not content to live on these terms; on the contrary, my old age is so morose and captious and discontented that I have oftentimes before this found fault with my nature,

which no other man has contemned, and have deplored my fortune, although I have had no complaint against it other than that the philosophy which I have chosen to pursue has been the object of unfortunate and unscrupulous attacks.[*] As to my nature, however, I realized that it was not robust and vigorous enough for public affairs and that it was not adequate nor altogether suited to public discourse, and that, furthermore, although it was better able to form a correct judgement of the truth of any matter than are those who claim to have exact knowledge,[*] yet for expounding the truth before an assemblage of many people it was, if I may say so, the least competent in all the world.

For I was born more lacking in the two things which have the greatest power in Athens—a strong voice and ready assurance[*]—than, I dare say, any of my fellow-citizens. And those who are not endowed with these are condemned to go about in greater obscurity so far as public recognition is concerned than those who owe money to the state;[*] for the latter have still the hope of paying off the fine assessed against them, whereas the former can never change their nature.