Plutarch's Consolatory Letter to His Wife (1-5)

urn:cts:greekLit:tlg0007.tlg111.perseus-eng2:1-5

Refs	`{'start': {'reference': '1', 'human_reference': 'Section 1'}, 'end': {'reference': '5', 'human_reference': 'Section 5'}}`
Ancestors	`[]`
Children	`[]`

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As for the messenger you despatched to tell me of the death of my little daughter, it seems he missed his way as he was going to Athens. But when I came to Tanagra, I heard of it by my niece. I suppose by this time the funeral is over. I wish that whatever has been done may create you no dissatisfaction, as well now as hereafter. But if you have designedly let any thing alone, depending upon my judgment, thinking better to determine the point if I were with you, I pray let it be without ceremony and timorous superstition, which I know are far from you.

Only, dear wife, let you and me bear our affliction with patience. I know very well and do comprehend what loss we have had; but if I should find you grieve beyond measure, this would trouble me more than the thing itself. For I had my birth neither from a stock nor a stone;[*] and you know it full well, I having been assistant to you in the education of so many children, which we brought up at home under our own care. This daughter was born after four sons, when you were longing to bear a daughter; which made me call her by your own name. Therefore I know she was particularly dear to you. And grief must have a peculiar pungency in a mind tenderly affectionate to children, when you call to mind how naturally witty and

innocent she was, void of anger, and not querulous. She was naturally mild, and compassionate to a miracle. And her gratitude and kindness not only gave us delight, but also manifested her generous nature; for she would pray her nurse to give suck, not only to other children, but to her very playthings, as it were courteously inviting them to her table, and making the best cheer for them she could.

Now, my dear wife, I see no reason why these and the like things, which delighted us so much when she was alive, should upon remembrance of them afflict us when she is dead. But I also fear lest, while we cease from sorrowing, we should forget her; as Clymene said,

I hate the handy horned bow,

And banish youthful pastimes now;

because she would not be put in mind of her son by the exercises he had been used to. For Nature always shuns such things as are troublesome. But since our little daughter afforded all our senses the sweetest and most charming pleasure; so ought we to cherish her memory, which will conduce many ways—or rather many fold— more to our joy than our grief. And it is but just, that the same arguments which we have oft-times used to others should prevail upon ourselves at this so seasonable a time, and that we should not supinely sit down and overwhelm the joys which we have tasted with a multiplicity of new griefs.

Moreover, they who were present at the funeral report this with admiration, that you neither put on mourning, nor disfigured yourself or any of your maids; neither were there any costly preparations nor magnificent pomp; but all things were managed with silence and moderation in the presence of our relatives alone. And it seemed not strange to me that you, who never used richly

to dress yourself for the theatre or other public solemnities, esteeming such magnificence vain and useless even in matters of delight, have now practised frugality on this sad occasion. For a virtuous woman ought not only to preserve her purity in riotous feasts, but also to think thus with herself, that the tempest of the mind in violent grief must be calmed by patience, which does not intrench on the natural love of parents towards their children, as many think, but only struggles against the disorderly and irregular passions of the mind. For we allow this love of children to discover itself in lamenting, wishing for, and longing after them when they are dead. But the excessive inclination to grief, which carries people on to unseemly exclamations and furious behavior, is no less culpable than luxurious intemperance. Yet reason seems to plead in its excuse; because, instead of pleasure, grief and sorrow are ingredients of the crime. What can be more irrational, I pray, than to check excessive laughter and joy, and yet to give a free course to rivers of tears and sighs, which flow from the same fountain? Or, as some do, quarrel with their wives for using artificial helps to beauty, and in the mean time suffer them to shave their heads, wear the mournful black, sit disconsolate, and lie in pain? And, which is worst of all, if their wives at any time chastise their servants or maids immoderately, they will interpose and hinder them, but at the same time suffering them to torment and punish themselves most cruelly, in a case which peculiarly requires their greatest tenderness and humanity?

But between us, dear wife, there never was any occasion for such contests, nor, I think, will there ever be. For there is no philosopher of our acquaintance who is not in love with your frugality, both in apparel and diet; nor a citizen, to whom the simplicity and plainness of your dress is not conspicuous, both at religious sacrifices

and public shows in the theatre. Formerly also you discovered on the like occasion a great constancy of mind, when you lost your eldest son; and again, when the lovely Chaeron left us. For I remember, when the news was brought me of my son’s death, as I was returning home with some friends and guests who accompanied me to my house, when they beheld all things in order, and observed a profound silence everywhere,—as they afterwards declared to others,—they thought no such calamity had happened, but that the report was false. So discreetly had you settled the affairs of the house at that time, when no small confusion and disorder might have been expected. And yet you gave this son suck yourself, and endured the lancing of your breast, to prevent the ill effects of a contusion. These are things worthy of a generous woman, and one that loves her children.

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a	66	w	961
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grief	5	w	3062
which	9	w	3068
carries	1	w	3075
people	1	w	3081
on	36	w	3083
to	29	w	3085
unseemly	1	w	3093
exclamations	1	w	3105
and	19	w	3108
furious	1	w	3115
behavior	1	w	3123
is	25	w	3126
no	22	w	3128
less	2	w	3132
culpable	1	w	3140
than	3	w	3144
luxurious	1	w	3153
intemperance	1	w	3165
Yet	1	w	3169
reason	2	w	3175
seems	2	w	3180
to	30	w	3182
plead	1	w	3187
in	51	w	3189
its	3	w	3192
excuse	1	w	3198
because	2	w	3206
instead	1	w	3214
of	17	w	3216
pleasure	2	w	3224
grief	6	w	3230
and	20	w	3233
sorrow	2	w	3239
are	6	w	3242
ingredients	1	w	3253
of	18	w	3255
the	41	w	3258
crime	1	w	3263
What	1	w	3268
can	1	w	3271
be	15	w	3273
more	3	w	3277
irrational	1	w	3287
I	19	w	3289
pray	3	w	3293
than	4	w	3298
to	31	w	3300
check	1	w	3305
excessive	2	w	3314
laughter	1	w	3322
and	21	w	3325
joy	3	w	3328
and	22	w	3332
yet	1	w	3335
to	32	w	3337
give	2	w	3341
a	227	w	3342
free	1	w	3346
course	1	w	3352
to	33	w	3354
rivers	1	w	3360
of	19	w	3362
tears	1	w	3367
and	23	w	3370
sighs	1	w	3375
which	10	w	3381
flow	1	w	3385
from	4	w	3389
the	42	w	3392
same	2	w	3396
fountain	1	w	3404
Or	1	w	3407
as	29	w	3410
some	2	w	3414
do	5	w	3416
quarrel	1	w	3424
with	8	w	3428
their	2	w	3433
wives	1	w	3438
for	9	w	3441
using	1	w	3446
artificial	1	w	3456
helps	1	w	3461
to	34	w	3463
beauty	1	w	3469
and	24	w	3473
in	56	w	3475
the	44	w	3478
mean	1	w	3482
time	5	w	3486
suffer	1	w	3492
them	5	w	3496
to	35	w	3498
shave	1	w	3503
their	3	w	3508
heads	1	w	3513
wear	1	w	3518
the	47	w	3521
mournful	1	w	3529
black	1	w	3534
sit	2	w	3538
disconsolate	1	w	3550
and	25	w	3554
lie	1	w	3557
in	57	w	3559
pain	1	w	3563
And	6	w	3567
which	11	w	3573
is	27	w	3575
worst	1	w	3580
of	20	w	3582
all	8	w	3585
if	10	w	3588
their	4	w	3593
wives	2	w	3598
at	40	w	3600
any	8	w	3603
time	6	w	3607
chastise	1	w	3615
their	5	w	3620
servants	1	w	3628
or	34	w	3630
maids	2	w	3635
immoderately	1	w	3647
they	3	w	3652
will	2	w	3656
interpose	1	w	3665
and	26	w	3668
hinder	1	w	3674
them	6	w	3678
but	8	w	3682
at	42	w	3684
the	52	w	3687
same	3	w	3691
time	7	w	3695
suffering	1	w	3704
them	7	w	3708
to	36	w	3710
torment	1	w	3717
and	27	w	3720
punish	1	w	3726
themselves	1	w	3736
most	2	w	3740
cruelly	1	w	3747
in	62	w	3750
a	257	w	3751
case	1	w	3755
which	12	w	3760
peculiarly	1	w	3770
requires	1	w	3778
their	6	w	3783
greatest	1	w	3791
tenderness	1	w	3801
and	28	w	3804
humanity	1	w	3812
But	6	w	3816
between	1	w	3823
us	24	w	3825
dear	4	w	3830
wife	3	w	3834
there	2	w	3840
never	2	w	3845
was	7	w	3848
any	9	w	3851
occasion	2	w	3859
for	10	w	3862
such	3	w	3866
contests	1	w	3874
nor	4	w	3878
I	20	w	3880
think	4	w	3885
will	3	w	3890
there	3	w	3895
ever	4	w	3899
be	18	w	3901
For	5	w	3905
there	4	w	3910
is	30	w	3912
no	24	w	3914
philosopher	1	w	3925
of	21	w	3927
our	18	w	3930
acquaintance	1	w	3942
who	3	w	3945
is	31	w	3947
not	9	w	3950
in	65	w	3952
love	3	w	3956
with	9	w	3960
your	5	w	3964
frugality	2	w	3973
both	1	w	3978
in	66	w	3980
apparel	1	w	3987
and	29	w	3990
diet	1	w	3994
nor	5	w	3998
a	274	w	3999
citizen	1	w	4006
to	38	w	4009
whom	1	w	4013
the	59	w	4016
simplicity	1	w	4026
and	30	w	4029
plainness	1	w	4038
of	22	w	4040
your	6	w	4044
dress	2	w	4049
is	32	w	4051
not	10	w	4054
conspicuous	1	w	4065
both	2	w	4070
at	44	w	4072
religious	1	w	4081
sacrifices	1	w	4091
and	31	w	4094
public	2	w	4100
shows	1	w	4105
in	68	w	4107
the	60	w	4110
theatre	2	w	4117
Formerly	1	w	4126
also	4	w	4130
you	22	w	4133
discovered	1	w	4143
on	44	w	4145
the	62	w	4148
like	2	w	4152
occasion	3	w	4160
a	283	w	4161
great	2	w	4166
constancy	1	w	4175
of	23	w	4177
mind	6	w	4181
when	7	w	4186
you	23	w	4189
lost	1	w	4193
your	7	w	4197
eldest	1	w	4203
son	6	w	4206
and	32	w	4210
again	2	w	4215
when	8	w	4220
the	63	w	4223
lovely	1	w	4229
Chaeron	1	w	4236
left	1	w	4240
us	27	w	4242
For	7	w	4246
I	21	w	4247
remember	1	w	4255
when	9	w	4260
the	64	w	4263
news	1	w	4267
was	8	w	4270
brought	2	w	4277
me	36	w	4279
of	24	w	4281
my	6	w	4283
son	7	w	4286
s	279	w	4288
death	2	w	4293
as	36	w	4296
I	22	w	4297
was	9	w	4300
returning	1	w	4309
home	2	w	4313
with	10	w	4317
some	3	w	4321
friends	1	w	4328
and	33	w	4331
guests	1	w	4337
who	5	w	4340
accompanied	1	w	4351
me	39	w	4353
to	39	w	4355
my	7	w	4357
house	1	w	4362
when	10	w	4367
they	4	w	4371
beheld	1	w	4377
all	9	w	4380
things	5	w	4386
in	73	w	4388
order	2	w	4393
and	34	w	4397
observed	1	w	4405
a	299	w	4406
profound	1	w	4414
silence	2	w	4421
everywhere	1	w	4431
as	38	w	4435
they	5	w	4439
afterwards	1	w	4449
declared	1	w	4457
to	40	w	4459
others	2	w	4465
they	6	w	4471
thought	1	w	4478
no	28	w	4480
such	4	w	4484
calamity	1	w	4492
had	4	w	4495
happened	1	w	4503
but	9	w	4507
that	7	w	4511
the	69	w	4514
report	2	w	4520
was	10	w	4523
false	1	w	4528
So	1	w	4531
discreetly	1	w	4541
had	5	w	4544
you	25	w	4547
settled	1	w	4554
the	70	w	4557
affairs	1	w	4564
of	26	w	4566
the	71	w	4569
house	2	w	4574
at	49	w	4576
that	8	w	4580
time	8	w	4584
when	11	w	4589
no	29	w	4591
small	1	w	4596
confusion	1	w	4605
and	35	w	4608
disorder	2	w	4616
might	1	w	4621
have	8	w	4625
been	4	w	4629
expected	1	w	4637
And	7	w	4641
yet	2	w	4644
you	26	w	4647
gave	2	w	4651
this	7	w	4655
son	8	w	4658
suck	2	w	4662
yourself	3	w	4670
and	36	w	4674
endured	1	w	4681
the	72	w	4684
lancing	1	w	4691
of	27	w	4693
your	9	w	4697
breast	1	w	4703
to	41	w	4706
prevent	1	w	4713
the	73	w	4716
ill	4	w	4719
effects	1	w	4726
of	28	w	4728
a	323	w	4729
contusion	1	w	4738
These	1	w	4744
are	9	w	4747
things	6	w	4753
worthy	1	w	4759
of	29	w	4761
a	325	w	4762
generous	2	w	4770
woman	2	w	4775
and	37	w	4779
one	5	w	4782
that	9	w	4786
loves	1	w	4791
her	29	w	4794
children	6	w	4802