On the Control of Anger (13-14)

FUNDANUS. Furthermore it is especially selfishness and peevishness, together with luxury and softness, which beget in us those continuous or oft-recurring fits of anger that are gathered together in the soul little by little, like a swarm of bees or wasps. And so there is nothing more conducive to gentleness than graciousness and simplicity toward servants and wife and friends if a man is able to get along with what comforts he has and is in no need of many superfluities:

But he who liked his meat not overdone

Nor underdone, nor medium, nor boiled

Too much; and liked no food enough to praise[*]

who will drink no wine if there is no snow with it,[*] nor eat bread purchased in the market, nor touch food served on cheap or earthenware dishes, nor sleep upon a bed that does not billow like the sea stirred to its depths; he who with rods and blows makes his servants at table hasten about running and crying out and sweating as though they were bringing poultices for boils,[*] such a man is enslaved to an impotent, querulous, and discontented mode of life. His many shocks of anger are like a chronic cough by which he reduces himself to a condition where anger becomes a running sore. We must, therefore, accustom the body to contentment by plain living and to self-sufficiency, for those who need but little are not disappointed of much.

FUNDANUS. And, to begin with our food, it is no great hardship if we partake in silence of whatever is set before us and do not, by being repeatedly choleric and peevish, thrust upon ourselves and our friends the worst sauce for meat, anger.

No more unpleasant supper could there be[*]

than that wherein servants are beaten and wife is reviled because something is burned or smoked or not salted enough, or because the bread is too cold.[*]

FUNDANUS. Arcesilaüs was once entertaining his friends and with them some foreign guests, and when dinner was served, there was no bread, since the slaves had neglected to buy any. In such a predicament which one of us would not have rent the walls asunder with outcries? But Arcesilaus merely smiled and said, How lucky it is that the wise man takes to the flowing bowl! [*]

FUNDANUS. Once when Socrates took Euthydemus home with him from the palaestra, Xanthippe came up to them in a rage and scolded them roundly, finally upsetting the table.[*] Euthydemus, deeply offended, got up and was about to leave when Socrates said, At your house the other day did not a hen fly in and do precisely this same thing, yet we were not put out about it?

FUNDANUS. For we should receive our friends affably and with laughter and cheerful friendliness, not with frowning brows, or striking fear and trembling into our servants. We must, further, accustom ourselves to make cheerful use of any kind of table utensils and not to prefer this service to that, as some men do who select one goblet or horn out of the many they have, and will drink from no other, as they relate of Marius. Some have this same feeling about oil-flasks and strigils, of which they have a liking for but one out of many; and so when one of these preferred objects is broken or lost, they take it hard and punish severely. Therefore anyone who is prone to anger should abstain from rare and curiously wrought things, like drinking-cups and seal-rings and precious stones; for their loss drives their owner out of his senses more than do objects which are easily procured and may be seen everywhere. This is the reason why, when Nero had had an octagonal tent built, a huge structure which was a sight to be seen because of its beauty and costliness, Seneca remarked, You have proved yourself a poor man, for if you ever lose this you will not have the means to procure another like it, And indeed it did so happen that the ship which conveyed it was sunk and the tent lost. But Nero remembered Seneca’s saying and bore his loss with greater moderation.

FUNDANUS. A cheerful behaviour toward the affairs of life makes a master cheerful and gentle toward his slaves also; and if to slaves, he will evidently be so to his friends as well as to those who are subject to his rule. And in fact we observe that ne wly purchased slaves inquire about their new master, not whether he is superstititious or envious, but whether he is ill-tempered[*]; and, speaking generally, we see that if anger is present in a home, husbands cannot endure even their wives’ chastity, nor wives even their husbands’ love, nor friends even familiar intercourse with one another. Thus neither marriage nor friendship is tolerable if anger is there, but without anger even drunkenness is easily borne. For the wand of Dionysus suffices to punish the drunkard, unless hot temper is added and makes the undiluted drink[*] cause of savagery and madness instead of a dispeller of care and an inspirer of the dance. Madness pure and simple can indeed be cured by Anticyra[*]; but if madness is mingled with anger, it produces tragedies and tales of horror.

FUNDANUS. Surely we should allow no place to anger even in jest, for that brings enmity in where friendliness was; nor in learned discussions, for that turns love of learning into strife; nor when rendering judgement, for that adds insolence to authority; nor in teaching, for that engenders discouragement and hatred of learning; nor in prosperity, for that increases envy; nor in adversity, for that drives away compassion when men become irritable and quarrel with those who sympathize with them, as Priam[*] did:

Be gone, you wretched, shameful men! Have you

No cause for grief at home that you have come

To trouble me?

But a cheerful disposition in some circumstances is helpful, others it adorns, and still others it helps to sweeten; by its gentleness it overcomes both anger and all moroseness. Thus Eucleides,[*] when his brother said to him after a quarrel, Damned if I don’t get even with you! answered, But as for me, may I be damned if I don’t convince you! and so at once turned him from his purpose and won him over. And Polemon, when a man who was fond of precious stones and quite mad about expensive seal-rings reviled him, made no answer, but fixed his gaze on one of the seal-rings and eyed it closely. The man, accordingly, was pleased and said to him, Do not look at it in this light, Polemon, but under the sun’s rays, and it will appear to you far more beautiful. Aristippus, again, when anger had arisen between him and Aeschines and someone said, Where now, Aristippus, is the friendship of you two? replied, It is asleep, but I shall awaken it; and, going to Aeschines, he said, Do I appear to you so utterly unfortunate and incurable as not to receive correction from you? And Aeschines replied, No wonder if you, who are naturally superior to me in all things, should in this matter also have discerned before I did the right thing to do.

For not a woman only, even a child,

Tickling the bristly boar with tender hand,

May throw him easier than a wrestler might.[*]

But we who tame wild beasts and make them gentle and carry about in our arms young wolves and lions’ cubs,[*] then under the impulse of rage cast off children, friends, and companions and let loose our wrath, like some wild beast, on servants and fellow-citizens - we, I say, do not well to use a cozening word for our anger by calling it righteous indignation, [*] but it is with anger, I believe, as with the other passions and diseases of the soul: we can rid ourselves of none of them by calling one foresight, another liberality, another piety.