How to Tell a Flatterer from a Friend (4-5)

Against whom, then, must we be on our guard? Against the man who does not seem to flatter and will not admit that he does so, the man who is never to be found hanging round the kitchen, never caught noting the shadow on the sun-dial to see if it is getting towards dinner-time, never gets drunk and drops down in a heap on the floor; he is usually sober, he is always busy, and must have a hand in everything; he has a mind to be in all secrets, and in general plays the part of friend with the gravity of a tragedian and

not like a comedian or a buffoon. For as Plato [*] says, it is the height of dishonesty to seem to be honest when one is not, and so the flattery which we must regard as difficult to deal with is that which is hidden, not that which is openly avowed, that which is serious, not that which is meant as a joke. For such flattery infects even true friendship with distrust, unless we give heed, for in many respects it coincides with friendship. Now it is true that Gobryas, having forced his way into a dark room along with the fleeing Magian, and finding himself engaged in a desperate struggle, called upon Darius, who had stopped beside them and was in doubt what to do, to strike even though he should pierce them both [*]; but we, if we can by no means approve the sentiment, Down with a foe though a friend go too, [*] have great cause to fear in seeking to detach the flatterer, who through many similarities is closely interlocked with the friend, lest in some way we either cast out the useful along with the bad, or else, in trying to spare what is close to our hearts, we fall upon what is injurious. So, I think, when wild seeds which have a shape and size approximating to wheat have got mixed with it, the process of cleaning is difficult (for either they do not pass out through a finer sieve, or else they do pass out through a coarser, and the wheat along with them); in like manner, flattery which blends itself with every emotion, every movement, need, and habit, is hard to separate from friendship.

For the very reason, however, that friendship is the most pleasant thing in the world, and because nothing else gives greater delight, the flatterer allures by means of pleasures and concerns himself

with pleasures. And just because graciousness and usefulness go with friendship (which is the reason why they say that a friend is more indispensable than fire and water), the flatterer thrusts himself into services for us, striving always to appear earnest, unremitting, and diligent. And inasmuch as that which most especially cements a friendship begun is a likeness of pursuits and characters, and since to take delight in the same things and avoid the same things is what generally brings people together in the first place, and gets them acquainted through the bond of sympathy, the flatterer takes note of this fact, and adjusts and shapes himself, as though he were so much inert matter, endeavouring to adapt and mould himself to fit those whom he attacks through imitation; and he is so supple in changes and so plausible in his copyings that we may exclaim:

Achilles’ self thou art and not his son.[*]

But the most unprincipled trick of all that he has is this: perceiving that frankness of speech, by common report and belief, is the language of friendship especially (as an animal has its peculiar cry), and, on the other hand, that lack of frankness is unfriendly and ignoble, he does not allow even this to escape imitation, but, just as clever cooks employ bitter extracts and astringent flavourings to remove the cloying effect of sweet things, so flatterers apply a frankness which is not genuine or beneficial, but which, as it were, winks while it frowns, and does nothing but tickle. For these reasons, then, the man is hard to detect, as is the case with some animals to which Nature has given the faculty of changing their hue, so that they exactly conform to the colours and objects beneath them. And since the flatterer uses resemblances to deceive and to wrap about him, it is our task to use the differences in order to unwrap him and lay him bare, in the act, as Plato [*] puts it, of adorning himself with alien colours and forms for want of any of his own.