In the first place, I will except myself out of the number of those I would allow to be
 poets: for one must not call it sufficient to tag a verse: nor if any person, like me, writes
 in a style bordering on conversation, must you esteem him to be a poet. To him who has genius,
 who has a soul of a diviner cast, and a greatness of expression, give the honor of this
 appellation. On this acount some have raised the question, whether comedy be a poem or not;
 because an animated spirit and force is neither in the style, nor the subject-matter: bating
 that it differs from prose by a certain measure, it is mere prose. But [one may object to
 this, that even in comedy] an inflamed father rages, because his.dissolute son, mad after a
 prostitute mistress, refuses a wife with a large portion; and (what is an egregious scandal)
 rambles about drunk with flambeaux by day-light. Yet could Pomponius, were his father alive,
 hear less severe reproofs! Wherefore it is not sufficient to write verses merely in proper
 language; which, if you take to pieces, any person may storm in the same manner as the father
 in the play. If from these verses which I write at this present, or those that Lucilius did
 formerly, you take away certain pauses and measures, and make that word which was first in
 order hindermost, by placing the latter [words] before those that preceded [in the verse]; you
 will not discern the limbs of a poet, when pulled in pieces, in the same manner as you would
 were you to transpose ever so [these lines of Ennius]: When discord dreadful bursts the brazen bars, And shatters iron locks to thunder forth her wars. 
 Literally, "After that dreadful discord burst asunder the iron bound doors and gates of
 war." 
 
 So far of this matter; at another opportunity [I may investigate] whether [a comedy] be a
 true poem or not: now I shall only consider this point, whether this [satiric] kind of writing
 be deservedly an object of your suspicion. Sulcius the virulent, and Caprius hoarse with their
 malignancy, walk [openly], and with their libels too [in their hands]; each of them a singular
 terror to robbers: but if a man lives honestly and with clean hands, he may despise them both.
 Though you be like highwaymen, Coelus and Byrrhus, I am not [a common accuser], like Caprius
 and Sulcius; why should you be afraid of me? No shop nor stall holds my books, which the
 sweaty hands of the vulgar and of Hermogenes Tigellius may soil. I repeat to nobody, except my
 intimates, and that when I am pressed; nor any where, and before any body. There are many who recite their writings in the middle of the forum; and who [do it] while
 bathing: the closeness of the place, [it seems,] gives melody to the voice. This pleases
 coxcombs, who never consider whether they do this to no purpose, or at an unseasonable time.
 But you, says he, delight to hurt people, and this you do out of a mischievous disposition.
 From what source do you throw this calumny upon me? Is any one then your voucher, with whom I
 have lived? lie who backbites his absent friend; [nay more,] who does not defend, at another's
 accusing him; who affects to raise loud laughs in company, and the reputation of a funny
 fellow who can feign things he never saw; who can not keep secrets; he is a dangerous man: be
 you, Roman, aware of him. You may often see it [even in crowded companies], where twelve sup
 together on three couches; one of which shall delight at any rate to asperse the rest, except
 him who furnishes the bath; Praeter eum, qui praebet aquam. Their host, who provided water for the bath; a part of their entertainment to express
 the whole. and him too afterward in his liquor, when truth-telling Bacchus opens the secrets of his heart. Yet this man seems entertaining, and
 well-bred, and frank to you, who are an enemy to the malignant: but do I, if I have laughed
 bccause the fop Rufillus smells all perfumes, and Gorgonius, like a he-goat, appear invidious
 and a snarler to you? If by any means mention happen to be made of the thefts of Petillius
 Capitolinus The ancient commentator tells us, that Petillius was governor of the Capitol, from whence
 he was called Capitolinus; that he was accused of stealing a golden crown of Jupiter , and acquitted by the favor of Augustus. If there be
 any truth in this story, for we know not where the commentator found it, he was more
 probably surnamed from his theft, than for his government of the Capitol. in your company, you defend him after your manner: [as thus,] Capitolinus has had.me
 for a companion and a friend from childhood, and being applied to, has done many things on my
 account: and I am glad that he lives secure in the city; but I wonder, notwithstanding, how he
 evaded that sentence. This is the very essence of black malignity, Properly, "the juice of the cuttle-fish." this is mere malice itself: which crime, that it shall be far remote from my writings,
 and prior to them from my mind, I promise, if I can take upon me to promise any thing
 sincerely of myself. If I shall say any thing too freely, if perhaps too ludicrously, you must
 favor me by your indulgence with this allowance. For my excellent father inured me to this
 custom, that by noting each particular vice I might avoid it by the example [of others]. When
 he exhorted me that I should live thriftily, frugally, and content with what he had provided
 for me; don't you see, [would he say,] how wretchedly the son of Albius lives? and how
 miserably Barrus? A strong lesson to hinder any one from squandering away his patrimony. When
 he would deter me from filthy fondness for a light woman: [take care, said he,] that you do
 not resemble Sectanus.